Trying to keep my faith

[hurting12]

This post is more about me than AXB and I've been very introspective about why I allowed this animal to hang around in my life for 6 months-albeit long distance. I feel a little ashamed that after so many people here on SR said i was smart I have to admit that I am just now SERIOUSLY looking for another place to live and putting my 'feelers out' by letting friends and acquaintences know. For whatever reason, I re-established contact with Mr. Man-twice-after going NC the 1st time. I'd never done that before. I know how to ‘move’ on but in this case it was just hard to maintain NC while living with his parents and being somewhat isolated. I missed him badly and had to hear about him or was asked about him and it stressed me a great deal. *He knew it too.* My semester is almost over and I am looking for a place for May 1. I think I can do it.

He still texts from time to time-why I don’t know… I'm non-responsive.
he ultimately did one of those 'disappearing acts'-you know where the guy just vanishes off into thin air-no more calls/communication etc after telling you how amazing u r etc. I'm quite convinced he's with someone else wherever he is. Long story but good riddance.

I know this is for the best. he was a HUGE distraction from my academic success but moreover my peace of mind. I just didnt have any and I still struggle but its getting better. I keep wondering if there's something about me that attracted this jerk and how to avoid it in the future. I’m always trying to learn from life’s lessons.

i've woken up many days in this house depressed-when I should be happy. Academic challenges and this crap has really taken a toll on me this semester and I don’t know how I got through it. Prayer. Mostly, I avoid socializing with his mother, with whom I've had a close relationship since September-maybe too close. My relationship with my own mom sucks so this woman became like a mother-figure to to me and I was happy. When she tried to ‘sell me’ on her son and I didn’t give him the same scrutiny I would any other man.

Off topic but I've never met a woman like this before: Her conversation ALWAYS reverts back to her 6 sons and I'm just sick of hearing it now. She came to the US as a teen from another country, married young and raised 6 sons...was a stay at home mom and her whole life was her sons. It still is: The youngest sons are almost 30 they still live at home, she cleans up behind them-literally, washes their dishes, and clothes and their parents chauferr (sp) them where they need to go.

Living with this family has been like a vacation for me in many ways...She calls me daughter, cooks for me, washes my clothes and cleans my room weekly. But I've been on my own since I was 18 when I left home for college the first time.

I'm grateful for everything this family has done for me and for the experience but I think it’s time to move on. I feel that moving away will help set me back on the solid ground of independence again.

[Fluttering]

Sorry to hear you are hurting..The loss of any relationship does hurt.

They key is giving yourself time to heal and looking at your part. Once I own my part then I am less likey to repeat that same mistake and I begin to heal. Pain does promote growth tho we often do not see that when we are going thru it, it is only in retrospect.

You mentioned prayer. There is another step to prayer...It is followed by TRUST...Trust God to carry you thru this to the other side. Trust God to comfort you and to guide you to the next step on this journey. Trust that you will get thru this a stronger person

Peace on the journey

Prayers and hugs

[IO Storm]

Sorry about the hurt too...I can relate a lot to some of the things you are experiencing. Someone just recently let me down again and I am certainly depressed about it, but I know
one thing. I had to learn it, and am still learning...people will fail us, they are just people fter all...but God never does. So nice to know.

all blessings))))

[Rusty Zipper]

12

on the 15th of this month

i will be ending a 5 year relationship

flutter said it most well...

prayer, my HP, all= growth

and a line from the 12 & 12 i always love

defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism

substitute anything for the word alcoholism

all good wishes to you 12

blessings blasted out

[hurting12]

Thanks for your responses..they really helped me get through the week. Peace and Blessings!

[hurting12]

[/QUOTE]They key is giving yourself time to heal and looking at your part. Once I own my part then I am less likey to repeat that same mistake and I begin to heal. Pain does promote growth tho we often do not see that when we are going thru it, it is only in retrospect.

I AGREE

You mentioned prayer. There is another step to prayer...It is followed by TRUST...Trust God to carry you thru this to the other side. Trust God to comfort you and to guide you to the next step on this journey. Trust that you will get thru this a stronger person
[/QUOTE]

YOU ARE VERY RIGHT ABOUT TRUSTING GOD..THAT IS AN IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF PRAYER AND YOUR WORDS REALLY ENCOURAGED ME TO BE COURAGOUS AND TRUST GOD EVEN THOUGH I SOMETIMES FEEL SCARED ABOUT AND AMBIVILENT ABOUT THE FUTURE...THANK U FOR REMINDING ME THAT MY HIGHER POWER IS STRONG EVEN WHEN I FEEL WEAK.

[IO Storm]

Thank you for the update h12...continued prayers for peace and comfort of heart)))))