Love/Like

[es0919]

I know that love and tolerance of others is our code, according to the Big Book. But is it possible to love someone, but not like them? There are definitely people in my meetings that I don't like, but I'll still listen to them. What are your thoughts?

[EvilBunny]

I guess it depends on your definitions of "love" and "like". It seems impossible to me that you could love someone without being fond of them.

[yeahgr8]

Yeah it's totally the case i love the people in the fellowship as they are all alcoholics like me and without them i would be alone as i was before i got into AA, i don't mean physically alone but more spiritually...it wasn't through want of trying to explain to 'normal' people lol

I don't like all the people in the rooms, as in i would not choose to go for coffee with all of them but that is quite irrelevant as i have already explained:-)

A crosss section of society that normally would never meet i guess, or as my sponsor likes to say a cross section of the scum of society;-)

[freya]

I think it probably depends for me on the kind of "love" we are talking about.

I guess I kind of feel like there is a very basic -- though not always easy to practice -- love that is what we sometimes refer to as "love for one's fellow men and women" and/or unconditional love. And I think of that kind of love as just a pretty basic recognition of the fact that everyone is precious and unique and infintely valualble in the "estimation of our Creator/God/The Source." And part of that, for me is also about recognizing and acknowledging that, on the most fundamental level, we are all, in the core of our being, 100% lovable and absolutely equal and deserve from each other the same freedom and the same respect that HP choses to give us.

So, OK that's great and something that's important for me to remember and to try, as far as I am able not being God, to act in accordance with.

But that certainly does not mean that I like everyone, or that I am obligated to support every and any choice that she/he makes, or that I have to allow people who make choices that are dangerous and/or harmful to me to remain in my life.

So, there is that very basic kind of pure, unconditional love...and it is solely about love in that spiritual sense. It is solely unconditional love, unconditional regard for the fact that each person is a "child of God" -- It is not unconditional access to my time, my energy, my resources, or my person. Any other kind of love, for me, does seem to kind of preclude "disliking".....and definitely comes with conditions attached...and, for me, I think that's fine because the conditions are necessary for me to take care of of and demonstrate my love for myself, without which no other love is possible for me or worth anything much to me or anyone else.

freya

[mattcake79]

My input is slightly off, as I don't go to meetings.

It's definitely possible to love a person, yet dislike them. For instance, I intensely dislike my ex, yet I love him as a person. Or... on the flip side, many people in my life (and SR ) dislike my opinions, but I know that they love me regardless.

I think that liking -or disliking-someone has its roots in judgement (ego), whereas love stems from unconditionality... beyond ego.

As much as people tend to enjoy bashing the term "ego", we're all human beings, and having an ego is part of our inheritance. Adjusting our egos is probably the best way to go.