Boundaries and Balance

[Fluttering]

We hear talk about learning balance and the importance of establishing healthy boundaries. The following story from the book: YOU MAY LOSE YOUR BALANCE BUT YOU CAN FALL INTO GRACE …FINDING SPIRITUAL RENEWAL IN LIFE’S QUIRKY MOMENTS…By Angela Payne, gives an excellent illustration of the reason why these are so essential in our healing process.


NO TRESPASSSING

“Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another.” ~ Romans 12:10

While walking one evening in my neighborhood, I paused at a picket fence surrounding the backyard of a nearby home. Although I had driven or walked past the yard countless times, I had looked but never seen it as I did that night. The picket fence was an aesthetic addition to this home. However, it also served a purpose-keeping intruders out in a pleasant, cordial sort of way. The fence contained within its borders things that were precious to this family, such as children and pets, an herb garden, and carefully tended flower beds.

The following days, I observed the yard surrounded by the fence a little more carefully. My time of reflection was much more than the studying of architecture. It’s as if there was an imaginary welcome sign over the arched door that said, “Angela, you are invited to pause, see, and listen.”

What I have been learning since that night is a principle in relationships that has been invaluable-the importance of emotional boundaries. I’m not speaking of a fortress that is intimidating and impenetrable, but rather a means pf protecting the treasures of one’s life.

The impression of a picket fence is one that appeals to me. Through it, one can catch glimpses of the beauty beyond. It is inviting and pleasant. However, this particular door that enters into the garden is made to be opened from the inside. Thus, you must be invited to come in.

For a number of years, I have been very open about issues of my heart and life, sometimes revealing things that were very precious to me. And at times I have allowed people into my backyard, so to speak, who did not always love or cherish the things that were planted there. Some have watered the young and tender life that was growing. Others have appreciated the more maturing plants while encouraging the painful pruning process that results in more prolific growth. Some, with kindness and compassion, have pointed to weeds that I did not see. If I needed their assistance, they have helped me pull and tend to the unwanted growth.

There have been some visitors in my garden who have not walked as carefully as others. They have stomped on some of the germinating plants, from carelessness or because they could not appreciate their unique beauty. Perhaps they have even tried to wrench them from the earth because they thought they did not belong in my garden. They did not regard them as meaningful to me. Some have even so bold as to attempt to transplant cuttings from their garden that they thought I needed. Their lack of respect for theses tender plants has often caused bruising in the process.

Each of us has places in our heart and emotions that are sacred. These hallowed places are not to be exposed and opened to just anyone. They are to be guarded and protected for the treasure and value that lies therein. The picket fence was a gentle reminder that I am the keeper of my garden, and I am to tend it carefully.

The elements of nature are sometimes destructive to a natural garden. A wise gardener will do all that is possible to protect the plants, especially the young and vulnerable ones. Elements in the human nature can wreck havoc on the garden of our hearts. I’m speaking of the dreams and ideas that God has scattered within the dark and quiet places of our hearts.

Detrimental forces come in various shapes and sizes…friends and family. People that you love. Just as the very elements of nature can be destructive, so can the individuals who attempt to wrench away your dreams. They trample cherished hopes and longings, even with good intentions. In this process they will damage the very root system, thus causing dreams to wilt and ultimately die.

What is our responsibility in tending our garden? It takes courage to say “no” to everyone who wants to tromp into your yard without regard or respect for the unique beauty that lies therein. If you are like me, and have at times been too inviting and welcoming to the voices and opinions of the countless “well meaning ones,” the transition can be unfamiliar and uncomfortable for you and for your visitors. Some are accustomed to waltzing freely into your yard, regardless of an invitation. Initially, they might bump their noses against the fence, thus rattling it and demanding to come in. But as you learn to keep them at a proper distance, you 2ill find that it becomes more familiar and comfortable terrain. You can smile at them from behind the fence and even lean over it while having a pleasant conversation. But you are ever mindful that you have a cordial but firm barrier between you and the destructive elements of personality and opinions. You are not required to invite them in and would be wise not to do so.

I am completely astounded at he questions that people will ask me that could very appropriately be answered, “It is none of your business.” At times I have wanted to be just as inappropriate and ask, “How many times a week do you have sex?” Fortunately, His grace has restored me.

The following prayer is one that I read at a time when I had experienced the pain and confusion that comes from listening to too many voices. I pray this as a reminder to follow God’s voice first and above all others.

To listen to what it is that makes my heart glad
And to follow where it leads.
May joy, not guilt,
Your voice and not the voice of others,
Your will, not my willfulness,
Be the guides that lead me to my vocation.
Help me to unearth the passions of my heart
That lay buried in my youth.
And help me to go over that ground again and again
Until I can hold in my hands,
Hold and treasure,
Your calling on my life.
~ Ken Gire, in his book Windows of the Soul

[Rusty Zipper]

we certainly dont need a moat, or a suit of armor...

just some please, and thank you's

and a hell of a lot of signs!

[Firehazard]

Thank you for such a perspective as yours. It reminds me of Gandalf giving Frodo the ring and telling him to keep it secret, keep it safe. In this regard there seems to be room for self love. I used to let people in my garden who would trample my new growth. Can't be angry at them as I let them in.