Step two

[Adore]

I'm having trouble with this step...I can sort of exercise the humility to admit I had hardly any control over my father's drinking, even though i was insane enough to THINK the opposite.

I guess, knowing that I didn't have any control, and that things sort of turned out and I'm still here and alive, says something about a kind force in the world.

But, feels like i'm having trouble with accepting a Higher Power.

I know I'm angry at one, if there is one...

And, mostly it feels like if there's an HP, how could he have allowed this misery?

Just can't seem to get it...

anyone been thru this process? (thanks..)

[indigo]

Hi Adore I'm sure people will be along soon with their experience of your situation.

Acceptance and time do help and often we can find our answers from within.

indigo

[jimhere]

First off, I use the word God, and when I use it, I'm talking about my conception of it, but I mean yours because the word is going to bring up yours. And I'm not going to try to give you mine.

If you are angry at God, that is good, because it means that you believe and that is a place to start. I was angry at God too. My sponsor told me that all I needed was a simple belief, however inadequate to start with. Or at least a willingness to believe and to take some action.

I found I didn't need to consider any one else's conception, but to just start where I was, have an open mind and take some simple action in the steps. As I began to grow, so did my understanding. As you grow, God grows. As you reveal yourself to you, God will be revealed to you. So I wouldn't fret too much about being angry or about figuring out God. You can't figure out God, you can just start at a simple level of where you are at and you'll experience God.

Many people confuse the words concept and conception. A concept is narrow and defined and rigid. And conception starts small and has room to grow.
Jim

[Ngokpa]

Woody Allen said once that if there is a God, He's an underachiever.

There are many spiritual paths: some involve a beneficient being who watches over us, and some don't. But it's safe to say that there is intelligence around greater than mine. Sometimes it can be the Group Of Drunks in an AA meeting. Maybe it's floating out there somewhere, and maybe it's tucked away deep inside in a part of us we're not aware of.

Prayer is a little ritual that says that maybe we don't have all the answers, and maybe there are answers we can use. I'm involved in a religion that isn't about God, but in early sobriety prayer helped make me willing to hear things and try things I wouldn't have heard or tried otherwise. That doesn't mean believing everything you hear, but it does mean being open minded. As they say, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

[SaTiT]

I was mad at god if there was a god
I was mad at myself
I was mad at everybody
i was just mad period

I didn't have a problem with step #1 becuase i was sabotaging
my life on purpose...becuase I was mad at god and life in general.
My sponsor made me write a list of desperate moments in my life.
and the list grew to all of the crazy things I did. So I did.
i thought it was piontless, but I was willing...as i was willing
to try to get sober.

At the sametime I didn't want to be around humans. Becuase
I couldn't handle life on life's term. I thought it was piont less.
Get a life , get a job, get a wife...think like this or act like that
belive this way..belive that way.I was also raised in a church
none of it made sense to me ...except that I had the heebie geebie
or impending doom. I wanted none it and none of society or
mankind in general...I had to take a time out. I couldn't cope.
i was mad, stress, detoxing, depressed...all roled into one.
i tried to commit suiecide 2 years earier already.

I spent my days for over six months in nature, aside from going
to meetings. In nature I slowly saw beauty, beauty in life...that
maybe life was worth living. I slowly learn how to just BE or relize it.
No demands, no presure, no thinking...I needed to heal. The more
I spent time in nature the more I saw the wisdom in life nature was
showing me. I still couldn't belive in god or whateve beleif.
One day I reach out my hand to a bird...and the bird landed on my hand
and telt it's head and looked me straight in the eyes.
The bird didn't fear me...becuase I was no longer angery or afraid.
And it knew I wouldn't hurt it. i was a part of nature or just Being
in it.

I don't thing I could belive in god at that moment, but I belive
that i could try to live again. And mother nature is bigger than me
and I belive mother nature healed me. I wasn't totally sane
but there was peace in my life..the first time in a long time.
So that was enough for me.

Later I had a happi ball as a HP becuase it had a smile on it.
and it couldn't hurt me. I just kept an openmind.

Later i read in a book about faith...
I didn't lack faith...every morning as I step out of bed
and put my foot down...I have faith that the floor would be
under my feet....there was no thinking behind it.

As for step #3...the heck with it...I just took a leap

[IO Storm]

Time. listening to others.

Acceptance will eventually come.

Your healing will come.

It always comes. You are here for a reason,

listening now.

Dear Adore,

Yes, we have all been through,

are all going through this process.

I had a sponsor once that used to say...

Remember the process, Sherry,

remember the process.

Love,

:

[Rusty Zipper]

adore... keep seeking it, and you can bet... the answers will come...

what worked, and has worked to this day... as simple as i can explain it... for me...

anything that puts me in the world of the negative for the now i'm making my higher power... not good...

it can be alll consuming... again, not good...

when i stop looking to control the outcome... i'm working, being guided, and using my HP...

for me, my HP is the positive side of life... bottom line...

i choose to call my HP... "The Powers That Be..."

i can use any other words... God, Higher Power... The Great Pumpkin, Aunt Tilly... for me, i dont have to be terminally unique anymore...

bottom line again... even if i may slip into the negative... (people just aint do'n, say'n, or act'n how i would like... things aint go'n like i like) and thats what alky's and addicts can do in recovery...

as long as for me i'm sober... not just not useing... "Sobriety" in its self, i use as my Power That Be...

it hasnt let me down yet... and wont...

faith, belief, and the hard one... trust...

xxoo, bless... rz

[Raineydae]

This is such a useful thread for me. I have been seeking, meditating, crying and working myself right up about the whole God question. Thanks to everyone of you who shared in this post. I'm going to let it go now and wait.

[Rusty Zipper]

rainey, welcome...

rainey

I'm going to let it go now and wait.

thats ok, listen too... the answers do come, they have been there all along...

good wishes rainey, happy your here...

xxoo, rz

[IO Storm]

Adore, Rainy Dae,
I found this and it comforted me just reading it.

Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire.
Arab Proverb

So, what is your desire?

Love,

:

Sherry

[Raineydae]

So, what is your desire?

To be less tired, have increased concentration and enjoy my time to the full.

What a difference would that make! I'd feel much more fulfilled. I'd be more able to do the stuff I know I enjoy.

Thanks, Sherry. That was a good question.

Hugs, Raineydae x

[IO Storm]

Sweetie,

Try focusing on your signature today.


Sometimes I do that.

Love,



:

Sherry

[TONYTEXAS]

First Off Its Good To See Your Working Steps I Believe They Are Important. I Was Just Talking About This After Tonights Meeting. But A Friend Of Mine Has Said Remember A Time Out There Using When Something Unexplainable Happened, When You Know You Had Nothing To Do With The Outcome And Hold Onto That. That Is A Start Of Some Faith In A Power Greater Than I.

[IO Storm]

Thanks TonyT:

One thing I do know for a fact is that while "out there"

at times I knew the God of my childhood was waiting

for me and watching, and I ran even harder and faster.

Yet, I would pray, just get me through a little longer.....


Love,



Sherry

[IO Storm]

And He did.

[Leslie1210]

Dear Adore,
this is a nice thread. It's wonderful to hear other people's experiences too.
Once when I was pretty down, I made a list of all the things that had happened to me that I could not explain. I pull this list out when my faith is low or I have doubts, or to add to it.
say..where does everyone get those flowers and candles that you add to your post?
Leslie