MySecret

Is lying part and parcel of alcoholism? do alcohlics stll lie even if they arent drinking? if so why?? is this ever going to change or are they just like this? do they not understand that honesty would be far better? it hurts people 10 times more with lies especially those close, I have told my AH this till im blue in the face yet he still does it, I take this that he is a selfish person and doesnt give a f*** about me or my feeling casue he still does it, can someone maybe give me a different perspective on this as I am failing to find one?

paulmh

This alcoholic was certainly a liar. I don't know if it's a trait common to all alcoholics - though AA tells me it is - but the desire to meet what we think are other people's expectations of us is in constant conflict with the practising of our addiction. We don't want to disappoint, but we constantly do. So we lie to ourselves to pretend it's all ok. And by extension we lie to those around us. And we feel guilty, and ashamed, and we can't stand it so we continue to use.

I know that there are forums here for the family of people with addictions. I hope they are able to give you what you need.

Best wishes

Paul

Peter

As the old saying goes."What a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive"

The more we lie the more we tend to lie in order to cover up previous lies.

I can only speak for myself.

I lied to everyone about my drinking in order to protect my need to drink.

Very soon it became alomost an act of "self preservation" My whole life was structured around my drinking and the lies that I had told about myself.

I stopped lying when I STOPPED DRINKING BECAUSE i BECAME AWARE OF JUST HOW BURDENSOME LYING WAS.

Every liar needs a good memory. It had become increasingly harder and harder for me to remember and cover my lies.

Like you I found out that honesty , although humbling and at times humiliating for me was far more liberating.

Don W

I understand your feelings. I'm on the otherside of the problem. I can only say that once non active the ability to be more honest appears. This of course is no help when the person is active. My own experence was lying, stealing etc. whatever it took to drink. I look back in horror the lying I did. Sadly, many times although it bothered me, it didn't stop me. What you need to do is take care of you. And if you are an enabler try and stop. Hope things work out. Just don't look for change while he's drinking.

FriendofBill

Its impossible to be honest with others, when the alcoholic is continually lying to themself.

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and I'm an Alcoholic.

Lieing, steeling, cheating, and everything else that goes along with the disease of Alcoholism. That's was me. Defects of character. When i got sober and began to understand the 12 Steps provided to us in recovery and began to apply them to my everyday affairs then some of those defects became almost non existent. Im not going to say im perfect, because im not nor want to be. I'll leave that to the Man Upstairs.

One of those Steps states: "Made a list of all person's we had harmed, and became willing tp make amends to them all."

Well....after we get sober and begin to work that step and make those amends, u will see how difficult it was to begin with but it was also a humbling experience. Then u remember that experience and try not to make the same mistakes as we once did by lieing or hurting others because we would have to go back to that person and make those amends again.

So if i dont lie cheat steal then i wont have to go back and make right the wrongs in my life.

Thanks for letting me share.

amandajane

I live alone so I don't have to lie to anyone, only myself in that my consumption levels were ok (yeah right, lol). When I'd built up a huge overdraft that I can't afford I had to stop.

I've been truthful with my doctor etc and sought out appropriate help. But then I've been in weekly counselling for four years so honesty and integrity are important to my healing in general and I don't feel judged in the counselling room - that's so important to my process anyway. This time it was a relapse after two years sober - maybe that's different too.

Have you seen When a Man Loves A Woman with Meg Ryan? It's an interesting movie, a bit of a role reversal but you might find it interesting, it covers the alcoholic lying/scheming thing.

I feel for you, I know how hard this can be to be on the other end too.

2dayzmuse

Now that I've quit drinking, I no longer have anything to lie about. I was always trying to cover my drinking.

MNGirlyGirl

Just because someone is sober doesn't always mean their behavior changes. They are what we refer to as "dry drunks". When I was using I wasn't a liar, except for maybe a few times about the extent of my drinking. But I got to a point where I would try to "hide" my drinking as much as possible. I live alone, so I didn't have to be accountable to anyone either
.

Brian1978

I can relate to this in a big way. Not only did I lie to myself but to my friends, neighbors heck even my landlord. I would come stagering up to some one reeking of booze and swear right to there face that I hadn't touched a drop, but they were not buying it. It happens, it's part of being an alcoholic.

Stobert

Yes, it is.
If they aren't careful, they (I) do.

Still Trying...

Lord knows that is the truth! Admitting how dependent I was and for how long was the biggest step I had to make.

Find me a drunk that hasn't lied about how much they've drunk or hidden/padded their booze/beer stock and I'll be surprised.....

leviathon

I think anyone struggling with an addiction... sex, alcohol, drugs, food, etc. has a need to lie about the truth to avoid facing it... denial is part of it, but what you are describing is more deliberate and mean than I have seen or done in my time... there is a meanness to what you are describing that I don't understand the motive for... perhaps he has other issues.

Levi

NYCGirl

I alway said, I had two shots after all if the asked I figured they were on to me.

NYCGirl

One of the thing that made me realize it was time to stop drinking was for about two years now i was lying about my drinking and to cover up my drinking...

... berfore that I never lied. I couldn't stand the fact that I would lie for booze. The only way I could stop lying was to get rid of the reason I had become a liar.

2dayzmuse

After ridding my life from booze, I no longer have a reason to lie. The truth will set you free. Sobriety offers so many different benefits.