mistory5

Ok...I made it today with out a drink or thinking about a drink. I made it to my iop evaluation;start Monday. I made it to a f2f, 3 online meetings and I was feeling more and more hopeful after each recovery step I took today. But for some reason when my came home from work today and sheepishly asked how did I make out today my whole mood changed....I was irritated and snappy with her. Then a little later she asked me to pull up some mother's day pictures I posted on Facebook...more irrigation. I explained to her Facebook is not a good place for me to go on right now because I find it to distracting to recovery. I don't kneed that chatter in my head right now. I just need to walk, sleep and eat recovery stuff right now. But now im feeling guilty for being snappy. Lord knows I put her through hell when Im drinking and a lighter hell when im not drinking. I don't understand why I am this way with her in particular when im drinking or not drinking?

rascalwhiteoak

Isn't that how it seems to go though? Those that are closest to us sometimes have to put up with us at our worst. Don't dwell in guilt — make an apology, clear the air, and don't use this as an excuse to drink. This is a fixable situation.

Congrats on the meetings too, BTW!

mistory5

Ty!!!! I also realize im actually still withdrawling...very severe anxiety last night to the extent that it was waking me up from my sleep...it was terrible. Then this morning i was so anxious about recovery i was literally gagging...so I just wish she understood how bad i feel and just because i haven't drank in two days doesn't mean I d feel physically or mentally 100%. But she never took the time out to truly learn anything about alcoholism, attend therapy with me or alnon since this all started 2004. But she will drop me off at ER, detox and rehab in a heartbeat...not saying that im not thankful for that...but I need more than that from her. She just doesn't want me to drink....but i have to live with her...makes it hard because she is a trigger for me.

Dee74

Nearly everyone gets a little irritated in withdrawal/early recovery.
I tried to remember it was noone elses fault I felt so poorly
.
Hope you'll feel better soon.

D

Gottalife

Pretty normal in early recovery before the alcoholism has been treated. Trouble is it can round on us and put a drink back in our hands if we continue to behave badly. It is a wake up call to get on with the steps, with the help of a sponsor.

mistory5

True and that's why i pray she just backs off for a little bit because I know its not nobody's fault but my own, but my agitation his hard to control;especially with her. Once my mind and body settles in about 2 weeks things usually become better between us, but don't stay that way because i usually go on a binge. She gets upset, starts fussing with me about drinking while im drinking and i go ballistic under the influence. This process goes on and on. I explained to her the worst time to talk to me about my drinking is when im drinking...can end being dangerous. I scare myself the next day with thinking about the parts of my drunk tirades, at least the parts i can remember.

mistory5

Yeah, that sponsor thing. I been praying fiercely regarding finding one, a good one for me. But i have to get to a lot of meetings so I can run into them. That seems to be a past problem i have had when trying to get sober. I will stock up on online meetings and be skimpy on the f2f, but obviously that needs to change because attending predominantly online meetings didn't help keep me sober...not even for a whole 30 days. I forced myself to f2f yesterday now im going to have to do it again today. TY for your feedback.

doggonecarl

Congrats on two days.

Yet she lets you stay. Perhaps gratitude will replace aggravation when you have acquired some sobriety.

Early recovery is an emotional roller coaster, but that doesn't mean you have to take everyone on the ride with you.

mistory5

Actually, she lives with me in my house. But that's neither here or there because I couldn't pay my mortgage if she wasn't here helping me. So you're right, i need to find away to be grateful for her and act accordingly. Im hoping AA and therapy will help me do it. Ty for your reply...it does seem to help sharing what's going on and to get feedback.

biminiblue

In early sobriety I cried when anyone said the word, "You." I was so seriously without any personal boundaries that I felt everything anyone said was surely a judgement of me.

Turns out people were just living and I was just too sensitive.

She means well. I had to figure out how to hold my serenity regardless of what others do.

It takes a little time. Just worry about getting well - what she does is not in your control.

tomsteve

heres something to look at,mistory:
meetings are great but going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholism.
its the steps we take, not the meetings we make, that treats alcoholism.

here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery.

p.s.
learning how to communicate will come if you work for it.
as for now, you may want to explain to your mom what is occurring in you-that you dont mean to be snappy, but are starting to learn how to change.

tekink

Simply sobering up makes me agitated at everything. From there my brain just picks things to manifest on in an attempt to feed my AV.

mistory5

Ty....u also are speaking truth to me. I have to focus on getting well and i don't have control over what other people say or do. Trying to control others has contributed to drinking immensely.

mistory5

TY...wow! I have to keep this right up front in my brain, especially because Im starting IOP Monday 3x weekly and im sure Im going to run into people there that are going to agitate me...I know because this is not my first rodeo.

Berrybean

As far as finding ways of being grateful, one way that many of us have found useful is as basic as making a gratitude list. Many recovery journaling books even have a specific area to note gratitudes for the day in. There is a subforum for specific gratitude threads as well... https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/gratitude-list/

One thing that was massive for me in recovery was learning to adjust my expectations of others, and that by extending grace to others my serenity increases and the quality of my sobriety is improved. Being critical and resentful (my general state in early sobriety) left me in a constant state of irritation, disappointment and unhappiness. It wasn't easy to change my attitude, and when I get tired or the pressure is really on its easy to find myself knee-jerk reacting to things in my old ways.

There is an AA speaker called Earl Hightower whose words have helped me a lot over the last few years. This morning he posted this on his Facebook page....
Pause

“Create moments of pause. Life with pause provides grace where there has previously been stress. This is living consciously.” ~Guru Singh

The idea expressed here so eloquently by Guru Singh is one that has been suggested to me many times, in many ways. The simplest was, “Pause when agitated.” This one suggestion has most likely kept me out of prison or at the very least, kept me from a life of complete solitude. One of my mantras is a subtle variation on this; “Wait for the second thought.”

So, what’s the big value in this? It seems that my first thought is often impulsive; a reaction and based in fear. On an emotional level, I seem to revert to protection of self and an avoidance of anything that resembles disclosing my honest feelings.

Sometimes, as early as the second thought, my hard fought efforts to join the human race kick in. I can take a breath and do something very different from my initial knee-jerk reaction; I can respond. The difference between a reaction and a response is the grace that Guru Singh speaks of.

In pausing, I can breathe in my belief as to who I wish to be rather than react to push the world away. The pause allows for the higher self to affect my response. It still takes me a beat to acknowledge concern beyond self. The meditative pause is to notice the difference between actions harmful to self and others, from actions beneficial to self and others. The ability for me to choose between these is found in the breath within the pause.

Love,
E



Anyway - I hope you feel better soon. In the meantime try not to react on your first thoughts. Just because we feel a certain way, doesn't mean to say it's right. Those feelings of ours really are all over the place and quite unreliable in early recovery.

BB

tekink

Figuring this out helped me big time. I was seriously mad at the world and just looking for things to set me off. I learned to step back anytime I felt the rage ticking. Sure it's still a battle but it wasn't nearly the same once I realized it could be me (could being an understatement there).

Dee74

I think the fussing is fear - sounds like she's really worried for you, mistory.

you can't change someone elses behavior - but you can definitely change your behaviour, and the way you respond to hers.

Get busy

D

rjyerkes

Same sex parental relationships are among the most complicated. I took my mom to dinner tonight for a belated Mother's day celebration and half way through I was ready to stop on the way home for a bottle. Home for a cpl hours and still arguing with my AV, so I get where you're coming from....so thankful, yet so triggered.

Could you create a sanctuary in your own room to stay in as much as possible for a few weeks? Put a coffee maker in there. Maybe a tiny fridge for healthy snacks or juice? Plants, books, a beta fish? I'm just spit-balling here but if you make a beautiful space to comfort and calm yourself perhaps you can feel more in control over your environment/sobriety?

Maybe tell mom that you don't want to be mean with her so when you're in there, just know you need space? Please don't come knocking unless it's an emergency? Or put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign? Whatever it takes man lol