Scylla

Hi all,

I have lurked on this forum for quite a while, trying to pick up on the wisdom and really really admire so many of you.

Am worried my addiction has got so bad that there's no coming back from it. I stop then can't handle the withdrawal and start again. I read the stats about how many people can actually kick this awful disease and know most likely I'm ******- oops don't know if you can swear here.

Am thinking now there must be a point where it gets so bad you can't come back from it. Maybe if I'd succeeded in stopping earlier there would be more hope.

You would think you could stop when considering your loved ones at the very least - but I still carry on like the selfish addict I am.

Was there any specific moment in your recovery where it really clicked? I have tried for periods and gone back. I so want to be there but I think maybe I'm too far gone and it's so scary. Is it possible to be past the point of help? Because I feel I'm there.

Mummyto2

No one is ever to far gone to turn their life around, good luck

paulokes

Hi.

I don't think there's any 'wisdom' to be gained before we can stop. A lot of things I have learnt have helped me to stay stopped.

The trick really is to stop making excuses and put the drink/substances down...with help if it's needed.

'Waiting for a bottom' is a justification/symptom of addiction in itself. My experience is life kept on kicking me until I decided I had had enough of being kicked.

What steps can you take...right now...to stop or get help with stopping?

P

Dee74

Hi Scylla - welcome

I know I struggled to see an end too - I think it's more common that you think.

I wouldn't give up hope - there are some amazing stories here of people who turned their lives around

If you're worried about withdrawal why not see a Dr instead?

There's amazing support here. Joining this community helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you do the same

D

D122y

Scy,

In my experience...

Depending on so many variables, detox can kill. I tapered, but that is a slippery slope. Not recommended by anyone.

Ime....getting clean is about suffering.

Physical detox takes a week or so.

Then it is all about hunkering down and getting ready to initially fight the battle of your life.

Thanks.

doggonecarl

I know the "odds" aren't in the favor of sobriety. But you know who never gets sober?


The person who quits trying.

August252015

Glad you posted.

And because you did- you are alive, and you still have a chance. Period. As long as we are alive, we can CHOOSE sobriety.

It's not easy- plenty people would have told you I was a lost cause- and indeed, my story is pretty extreme- but I finally chose an uncertain future in sobriety over a certain death by drinking.

You can do that too.

Scylla

Thanks so much for the replies.

I'm tapering today and will stop fully later tonight, and we all know what that entails, and am dreading it. I should probably go to the docs but I don't want it to be officially recorded by them as am going through a divorce and the ex could use that against me in terms of custody of my son. He has his own issues which I won't go into here.

I totally agree about stopping the excuses, I notice myself doing that and it's aggravating. I annoy myself! I'm having a constant internal argument about it.

The step I'm taking right now is tapering with the intention to stop.

It's motivating to communicate with people that understand, thank you, in real life I don't talk about it, even to good friends.

I've been to AA before and found it supportive but intimidating, thank god for sites like this one.

MachinistGuy

My two pennorth :-

You'll have to let at least one good friend into your secret. I'm extremely uncomfortable about sharing things but in the end I had to, or die. It's a bit of a weight off your mind really, once you take that step.

You know the withdrawal is bad, but you also know it doesn't last that long.

Group sessions are like Marmite. I didn't want to go to AA and the one secular group I attended for a single session was a disaster. The only thing I had in common with the other people in the room was that I drank too much. Your experience might well be very different. I'm just pointing out that there are other ways to recover that don't involve being in a group.

Life after alcohol can be good, given enough time to let your body and brain recover. Well, I say good - it isn't a marvellous sunlit paradise, all the same old crap will still be there, it's just that you'll have a fighting chance of dealing with it. If you are drinking then you have no chance whatsoever.

Good luck and stick around.

tiffanyeagle

we can do it.


tea, vitamins, juice water rest ... take care of you...

Scylla

You lot have been a lifeline to me, I swear. By the time the detox kicks in later my son will be asleep and won't notice hopefully. I'll just look at him and remember why I'm doing this.

Berrybean

Is there someone your son can stay with while you do this? That way if there is any threat to your health you can call a taxi to take you to A&E.

Quite frankly, if you are going through a divorce your ex is far more likely to mention your drinking than your doctor is. And if your drinking is being spoken of in the past tense all the better. I hate to say this, but your childs welfare should be up there on the list of priorities above protecting yourself from others finding out about your drinking.

Noone here wants you to carry on drinking, or criticise, but detoxing can be serious. If you were very poorly, say with sickness and flu, who would look after your child then? It might be the time to call them and say you are ill. It's not far from the truth. But your child waking up and finding you suffering is really not fair on them, and is likely something you would add to your catalogue of regrets. It is best avoided if at all possible.

BB

BlownOne

Hi Scylla. IMHO there just is no thing as 'too late' or 'too far gone'. I can tell you that I know quite a few people who struggled for a long time to get and stay sober, and when they finally did, it wasn't because they had hit a bottom as much as it was that something 'just clicked'. And that's how they described it. There wasn't any rhyme or reason to why it worked, they simply kept trying to get sober and out of the blue something happened and they got it. I know I'm not describing this very well, my only point is that sometimes all we really need to do is keep trying, because miracles can and do happen, often without warning. They were given the fortitude to embrace recovery whole heartedly and do the work and their lives changed dramatically. Best wishes to you!

PhoenixJ

If I thought there was no point in turning bck I would be dead. My bro died @ 42 because he DECIDED there was no point in living. Meaning he did not try to stop. He still got his booze, kept a dog alive- so he had some apacity to think. There is always hope. I burnt to death- and science revived me 3 times- because of a booze blackout. Then after hospital things were very bad. THAT would have been the time to give up. Never give up- keep trying, moving forward. Go to meetings- sit and listen to the stories- with a willingness to learn. Ignore the dogma. Those that taste death- hunger life. Do not go down that path. I would not wish that on anyone. Use your curiosity- to pour out the booze for good- now. Post here, join some threads. Live life- you only get one.
Empathy and support to you.

Scylla

Not tapering anymore, threw out what little I had. I just want to get started.

I've arranged for my son to stay at his friend's house tonight, just in case.

The advice so far has been invaluable, you've no idea how much you're helping X

nez

No.

Your question is one I have felt and asked thousands of times. It is merely a thought. Our thoughts are merely that...just thoughts. Our actions are what determine if we recover or not. I have proved lots of my thoughts to be baseless, by my actions.

Scylla

It's just me here at home now and the anxiety is kicking in big time. That's probably a good thing though as I'm too panicky to be able to leave the house and buy any alcohol. And the madness is that doing that did actually cross my mind.

Going to just read lots of the sage advice on here - repeatedly if necessary...

Forward12

I would take your own advice. I don't know the situation of the divorce, but i'm willing to bet your alcoholism is one of the key players on it, and your wife has plenty of artillery to throw at the courts.
Getting yourself sober will not be the best thing to do for yourself, but also for your son. Kids can be traumatized for many years, sometimes for life from alcoholic parents.
Perhaps get yourself into rehab, actively attend AA and get slips signed, start seeing an addiction therapist,.. Prove everyone wrong that you have changed your ways, and are now ready to be a sober and caring father, not one that's "just trying"

Pebbles666

Hang in there lovely.
Stay here and post/ read all night if you have to.
It won't be easy. But we have all been there. I promise.
I too thought I was at the point of no return.
I find Rock bottom had a flippin' basement..
But I stopped making excuses...and clung on for dear life...take it one hour a time if you have to....I had to for the first few days. On week 8 now. And I used to drink from morning until night.
You CAN do this.
Lots of love and strength.
Xxx Pebbles xxx

Scylla

Hi Forward. I'm a mother actually but I appreciate the advice thank you. My ex was a massive drinker too (amongst other things).

I do worry about the effect it's had on my child. I convinced myself I hid it really well but am possibly wrong. It's my main motivation for stopping.