Sharpy

Hi Bob! Checked into Sober Recovery to read some others stories to help me out of a funk. I'm also having family issues. I'm a year sober this time. I always see the dysfunction of my family 100% clearer when I'm sober and spiritually healthier. I'm currently having issues with a mentally ill parent who had come down to stay with me for a month or so. Long story short, I had to cut the visit short. I'm dealing with guilt and sadness etc... and acceptance. I've gone back to drugs and alcohol over the dysfunction before, I couldn't deal this time around. I can't change her but I have a choice to change me. Hardest thing I've had to do. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you are well. Glad you are here.

Bob4x4

People don't understand the level of manipulation, secrecy, obfuscation and just outright lying that has gone on for the past 55 years ... me included, I was a gullable shet head my entire life taking their word as gold, neighbours we had for 40 years have no idea, they buy the "perfect family" line my parents put out ... it's sucks that I'm left with an extreme bitter taste in my mouth at this entire experience being part and staying part of my family of origin up until now. ... My brother sued my mom because of the lies and empty promises and wages owed to him from dads business that mom just wanted to pocket and screw my brother out of, forcing him to miss mortgage payments, but she still wanted him to bring over his 4 very young grand children to entertain her and worship her... he and the kids no longer talk to her, and she walks right by them in the small town they live in.
My other sister got lawyers to write her a warning , not to bother her and her kids because of her lies and manipulations and her odious relationship with the eldest sister. which is a partnership to steal all of dads wealth for themselves, then play King Lear with the rest of the siblings and grand kids... they didn't expect lawsuits and restraining orders. Nobody is buying what mom is selling, except the small town neighbours.
One thing about Sociopaths that is brutal is they hide behind their accomplishments and job titles to make them look and feel perfect, while being huge villians in their private life, rage a holics, who when confronted are simultaneoulsy victims, martyrs, and saints.
what i'm trying to say is that nobody believes me , in fact people blame me when i try to talk about the humiliation of suddenly finding out the facts at such a late age, and being gullible all these years, and how they fukked me financially on purpose and watched me struggle for their own entertainment while dumping heaps of help on the eldest 2 sisters. ... the Wizard of Oz suddently the curtain comes down after so many years and what i feel is humiliation. But as I said neighbours and family friends are still buying what my mom and sister are putting out.
... so when i talk to people i already know my mom and sister have been backstabbing me, my brother and my other sister, painted us with a brush... they donald trumped us. so when i talk to some of them they give me attitude and disrespect all based upon a one sided story crafted on the spot to make my mom look like a saint.

The eldest sister just basically repeated and hyped up my mothers paranoia about money and how everyone was out to steal it from her, and the only person that could protect my mom was herself, LOL while at the same time asking for massive $$$,$$$ help.

my abusive past, and my career failures, relationship failures etc are magnified with this nasty family of origin crap pops up in my head... not just thoughts but solid measureable facts, slappin me upside the noggin.

what i know is that sometimes now when i talk to my mom she may say something that sounds like love and support and that little bit really helps me feel better and forget the negatives. ... maybe she is honest in her statement at that time... it's just that the next time I call her and ask about her offer to help before it's too late, and guess what? she has spoken to the eldest sister , run it by her, and now she has changed her mind.

I knew 30 years ago i should have left and never maintained contact but i kept falling for the manipulations and bullshipt.

I wish i had amnesia, and with a sythe i could just thwack, woosh, it's gone like it never happened.

ANY who.... gotta put on the happy face. maybe get some legal advice. But for sure just move forward without looking back.

Sharpy

What are you doing today, to stay sober?

Bob4x4

generally just trying to keep eating when i feel cravings. But the AV is a tricky beast at the best of times.

Sharpy

Ice cream 😀 have you checked out the interactive word games on here?

Gottalife

From the AA book appendix on spiritual experience " we suddenly realized we have undergone a profound change in our reaction to life"

Now I understand many things went wrong for you, and you are carrying a heap of resentment about your family. You are not unique in any of that.

Pretty much everything you described, which might well fall into the category of "that's life", has happened to me. Business problems, lost jobs, lost wife and lost best friend among many others, yet through all that it never once occurred to me to drink. I have had a profound change in my reaction to life, and it could be described as permanent. Wouldn't you be interested in something like that?Obviously a change in reaction is needed.

Bob4x4

I prefer Chapmans Frozen Yogurt , Black Jack Cherry.

but generally I've found too much ice cream, the morning after is like a booze hangover from all the sugar.

I couldn't really figure out the word games here. the old drinking site used to have an F bomb thread which was nice....

Bob4x4

i was sober 5 years, i lost my job i didn't drink, i lost my dad while my mom simultaneously tried to divorce him, while the grandkids watched in horror, brother sued mom, etc and i didn't drink, i lost more clients and lost more savings and spent more on retraining classes and didn't drink, i had to humilate myself to work for an abusive sibling and i didn't drink, i lost my only decent relationship and i didn't drink, the government froze my bank accounts over piddly crap and i almost ended up on the fking street with the snap of a finger and i drank and i smoked....

I'm sorry. i am not perfect and i don't like being condescended to

maybe one day bud, i will drink the AA cool aid.

but not today, what works for you maaaaaaaybe doesn't work for everyone else?

Personally i don't like it and I've done enough of 12 steps thru years of ACA . . . I don't like the mentality of it AT ALL.

8 years of sobriety thru my 40s is pretty freakin good compared to EVERYONE else i know, who couldn't go 6 months let alone a full year without booze, without panicking without thinking in fear that "my life is over! how can i live without it?" .... hey i know, i been dere, dunn dat ....

I need income, i need my 3rd career to start asap, stir crazy is not just a movie with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor, it's what happens when a man who wants to work and be busy has too much time and not enough cash to do anything much but stay put and control expenses. feels like a fish in a bowl going in circles. Hopefully soon i will get the call from the union to start. in the meantime i;m looking for other stuff misc jobs.

I'm sure someone can shoot holes thru me and what I've said, LOL... whatever. good night y'all

Bob4x4

I may just be getting old and bitter and jaded?

It's a possibility.



i was on a roll until last weekend .... the AV got the better of me and i didn't have a sammich on hand to fend it off.
Hanger, hungry and angry all rolled up into a purrrrfect storm.