behindblueyes

As some of your know, I have not been on here since I broke my leg. Well, a friend was with me. She left me there on the ground with my broken leg and would not call 911 because she was so intoxicated she didn't want involved with police (?) in any way.

I found out later, she was on probation from DUI and was not supposed to be out at all. However, I never forgave her for leaving me on the sidewalk for a stranger to call 911 as she ran and hid.

I guess life is funny, because she was picked up for a 2nd DUI a month later and thrown in jail.

Anyway, it has been 9 months. All of my friends have been supportive of my sobriety and not wanting to go out. However, this "friend" was just released with an interlock system and on probation. Last week, all my friends went and took her to a bar to celebrate her getting out of jail.

Really.

She was picked up and driven to get smashed by a girl I really respect. One by one, all of my friends are cutting ties and partying with someone who is not only on probation, but is a single mom of 2 kids and they all see nothing wrong. They actually condone this behavior and today they are all going to a huge cookout. I have always been invited to this celebration. Year after year. My phone is silent.

Now, I am sitting alone sober (of course) and will be watching fireworks from this celebration alone from my small apartment window. We all live within a mile so its not like they forgot about me.

Where did I go wrong? If I picked up again, I'd have all my friends back but I wont. This is a small town. I have no idea where I am going to meet friends. I have deleted my social media so I can not see all their fun party pictures. They were fine with me until she was released from jail. Now, Im not fun anymore. For the first time in a year, I am really tempted to give up. What would you do? Thanks

Berrybean

To be honest, given the way that they are supporting the other lady to go back down the road of more chaos, DUIs and likely ending up wrecking her relationships with her children further along the line I reckon you had a lucky escape.

Why not join some clubs or start volunteering, or join a recovery group to meet some different people. Widen those horizons a bit.

You can do this. BB

least

I'm not sure what I would do, but I know what I would NOT do, and that's give up. Your friends don't know or don't care that they are helping her on a path of destruction. I can only speak for myself, but I don't need "friends" like that.

I hope you stay sober.

Jules714

Hey. I wouldn't really consider any of those people to be friends. I certainly wouldn't give up my sober time over this.
GL,
J

behindblueyes

Thanks all. I just can not believe these grown women rally around (and support) someone who is going to end up killing herself or others.

Jules714

They are probably on track right behind her. There are so many "functional" alcoholics out there. Misery loves company. You're better off alone on your couch eating your body weight in Mac & cheese binging on Netflix. That's what I'm doing. 🙌

behindblueyes

I agree. Am on the couch binging on movies and cookies.

Jules714

Thanks...now I want cookies!

tomsteve

see how ya are now. how about sharin some of them cookies!!!
nothin wrong with what your doin. im sittin in my backyard watchin the grass grow.
in all honesty, its pretty enjoyable,too!

blue, youre going to find new friends in time. it prolly hurts to know whats goin on with them old friends- learning just how sick they all are- but you'll come to a point you accept youve chosen a different path.
a healthier path

KES06

These people are called "fairweather" friends. They only want your friendship when it is convenient to them. Now that there is somebody else to party with and cause drama with, you're "out". Count your blessings. I'm enjoying my "boring", sober life. I refuse to be around people who create drama and negativity. Know that with these kinds of people, they will soon tire of her and her shenanigans and move on to somebody else. People like this are better in "packs" with their own kind.
Strength and Love.

Gottalife

With friends like that, who needs enemies? You didn't go wrong, they did. They may think it will be a laugh drinking with your jailbird friend, but in reality their actions could play a part in her death. I just can't see any motive of genuine friendship in the of taking a known problem drinker back to the booze. You are soooo better of without them.

FLCamper

You sound a little sad that you weren't invited to the "party". But given your feelings about this person you wouldn't have gone anyway. It still sucks to feel left out.

My friends weren't big drinkers so that is an issue I didn't have to deal with. My hat is off to you - that's a tough one to tackle.

It does sound like a good idea to find other social outlets as someone mentioned, volunteering is a good start. An excercise class, book club....lots of possibilities. Just stay sober. We're all here for you.

JeffreyAK

Yep, I would not consider these people friends. It can be hard to let people go, but from the outside, they don't look like friends, they look like people who only care about you if you are willing to enable their own self-destructive habits, and one won't even call for help when you're laying on the ground with a broken leg. Time to find new real friends, they are out there.

SoberCAH

"Where did I go wrong? ...... Now, Im not fun anymore."

I don't think you went wrong at all.

And I don't think your former friends are fun or the kind of people I would want to cavort with after getting sober.

They sound like a bunch of heavy drinkers to me.

I have more fun than most people I know, but none of it involves being drunk, wasted, blacked out, on probation, etc.

I had plenty of that kind of "fun" when i was a young man, but none of it appeals to me any more.

soberclover

I think you are realizing that you need new friends. Sober friends who share similar thoughts and behaviors.

I spent my first three years of sobriety pretty much working and isolating....getting "brave" once in awhile and going out in to public because I didn't really trust myself enough to not drink.

That got old. For me the solution was going back to AA meetings. I really didn't want to but I knew that I needed to meet like-minded people and I really didn't know what else to do. I ended up meeting a few people who are solid in their recovery....and I met some who were not so solid. It was something that I needed to learn to navigate through.

Grungehead

I'd ask yourself, if you're committed to a sober lifestyle how much fun would it be hanging around with a bunch of drunks anyway? I had some of the same feelings when I first got sober, but it turns out that a lot of people I considered "friends" were really just "drinking buddies". Looking back I couldn't remember doing much of anything with them that didn't involve drinking...ever.

People, places, things. I needed to change and or avoid some of these from my past when I got sober...kind of painful at the time but necessary for long-term sobriety.

SteelRes211

Very true and well stated.