Hated my intervention?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 3
Hated my intervention?
(sorry if this in the wrong forum - i've been in and out SR so many times that i lost track of my usernames)
Hello everyone!
Well, i've enjoyed my attempts to sobriety. There were many of them. But usually i failed miserably at some point. I have a very disfunctional surrounding, i'm very tied-up to it due to a load of factors that right now i don't think i need to detail. That is maybe 5% of the fault and the rest is on me.
The thing is that i got engaged with this girl i knew back then, in the days were my drinking was pretty much social with the occational stupor. She came back into my life and met me as a hard drinker. She liked to party so we clicked. Everything was good until this year i went back to my sordid ways. Days on end of drinking. Never blacking out but never really doing anything. Working and drinking. She started to freak out.
Well, recently we were at my folk's house and i was on some medication i wasn't supposed to drink on. But still i hit the sauce over lunch and i steadly became more erratic and stupid. I stumbled through the house, puked the bathroom badly, etc. I ended up walking home and sleeping it off but she stayed crying and yelling to my parents and brothers about how oblivious they were all were to my drinking.
So then it came the intervention. I sobered up. Started hitting AA meetings (sorry if i offend anyone, i like them, but still not grasping them completely - still i go and find myself either leaving ok, irritated or simply depressed) and trying my best.
The thing is that i CANNOT get over the fact that she had to yell, insult and make a huge scene for my family to take note of it. They know i am a hard drinker. I might be needing this. But then again i am feeling... forced? What am i missing?
I know i cannot drink the way i was drinking and i am sure as hell cannot drink like a normal person and this is a good thing. But something ain`t clicking. Am i trying to protect the drunk inside of me?
Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Hope i can stick around much much longer this time. Stay safe everyone and thanks!
Hello everyone!
Well, i've enjoyed my attempts to sobriety. There were many of them. But usually i failed miserably at some point. I have a very disfunctional surrounding, i'm very tied-up to it due to a load of factors that right now i don't think i need to detail. That is maybe 5% of the fault and the rest is on me.
The thing is that i got engaged with this girl i knew back then, in the days were my drinking was pretty much social with the occational stupor. She came back into my life and met me as a hard drinker. She liked to party so we clicked. Everything was good until this year i went back to my sordid ways. Days on end of drinking. Never blacking out but never really doing anything. Working and drinking. She started to freak out.
Well, recently we were at my folk's house and i was on some medication i wasn't supposed to drink on. But still i hit the sauce over lunch and i steadly became more erratic and stupid. I stumbled through the house, puked the bathroom badly, etc. I ended up walking home and sleeping it off but she stayed crying and yelling to my parents and brothers about how oblivious they were all were to my drinking.
So then it came the intervention. I sobered up. Started hitting AA meetings (sorry if i offend anyone, i like them, but still not grasping them completely - still i go and find myself either leaving ok, irritated or simply depressed) and trying my best.
The thing is that i CANNOT get over the fact that she had to yell, insult and make a huge scene for my family to take note of it. They know i am a hard drinker. I might be needing this. But then again i am feeling... forced? What am i missing?
I know i cannot drink the way i was drinking and i am sure as hell cannot drink like a normal person and this is a good thing. But something ain`t clicking. Am i trying to protect the drunk inside of me?
Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Hope i can stick around much much longer this time. Stay safe everyone and thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
It sounds like your STILL making excuses
for your drinking. Ask yourself, has alcohol
EVER did any good for you? Has it EVER worked
for you?
If it hasn't by now, then it will NEVER work.
I'm not yelling with the large print. Its
just a way for you to see those words
I'm trying to make a point with.
Many of us in recovery had to learn about
addiction, our own personal addiction to
alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, whatever
it maybe and its affects on our own minds
and bodies.
All of us are made up differently inside
and what may work for a normal person
will not work the same for us. We can try
to figure it out all we want, but the fact is,
many of us have an allergy to alcohol and
drugs and it makes us sick inside and out.
Intervention did happen to me when I
wouldnt nor couldn't see that alcohol
was killing me. I refused to admit I had
an addiction to it and that I couldn't
control it no matter how hard I tried.
Family stepped in placing me into the
hands of those capable and knowledgeable
about addiction teaching me the how's
and why's it affected my mind body and
soul. Then they gave me a gift of a recovery
program that I could use and incorporate
in all areas of my life to help me remain
sober for a many one days sober at a time.
That intervention was 26 yrs ago as I
still continue on my recovery path in
life happier, healthier, honest, living
with purpose and meaning.
Once I admitted and accepted my addiction
then I stopped placing blame on everyone
and everything else in my life and became
responsible for my own behavior, thoughts
and actions, then I began to grow and
mature and become a healthier human
being in society.
for your drinking. Ask yourself, has alcohol
EVER did any good for you? Has it EVER worked
for you?
If it hasn't by now, then it will NEVER work.
I'm not yelling with the large print. Its
just a way for you to see those words
I'm trying to make a point with.
Many of us in recovery had to learn about
addiction, our own personal addiction to
alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, whatever
it maybe and its affects on our own minds
and bodies.
All of us are made up differently inside
and what may work for a normal person
will not work the same for us. We can try
to figure it out all we want, but the fact is,
many of us have an allergy to alcohol and
drugs and it makes us sick inside and out.
Intervention did happen to me when I
wouldnt nor couldn't see that alcohol
was killing me. I refused to admit I had
an addiction to it and that I couldn't
control it no matter how hard I tried.
Family stepped in placing me into the
hands of those capable and knowledgeable
about addiction teaching me the how's
and why's it affected my mind body and
soul. Then they gave me a gift of a recovery
program that I could use and incorporate
in all areas of my life to help me remain
sober for a many one days sober at a time.
That intervention was 26 yrs ago as I
still continue on my recovery path in
life happier, healthier, honest, living
with purpose and meaning.
Once I admitted and accepted my addiction
then I stopped placing blame on everyone
and everything else in my life and became
responsible for my own behavior, thoughts
and actions, then I began to grow and
mature and become a healthier human
being in society.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
And she probably can't get over that fact that you chose to drink on top of medication, became erratic and stupid, stumbling and puking, etc. Is this the kind of behaviour you'd want in a future husband for a daughter of your own? Or a sister? If not, why do you think this is okay for the woman you supposedly love enough to marry? Sounds like she was upset and went and found support from people she trusted. Sensible girl.
Why not just leave this girl to live a sane life and carry on drinking if that's what yiu want to do? I'm presuming that there's a small part of you at least that doesn't like that option! Thing is, we all have that rampant AV (addictive voice) early in sobriety, telling us we're missing out and trying to get us to push the eff-it button and rebel against sobriety. It certainly made me feel like I was cornered at times. Trapped. And its not a nice feeling. Thing is, likelihood is that you are not being forced, and that you actually don't want the unmanageable life any more. Thing is, we can't lose the consequences of our drinking without losing the alcohol. And that's not her fault. Or even yours. It's just the way addiction is. Why not drop that resentment against your fiance. Chances are you were stumbling round like a projectile-vomiting lunatic and scared that crap out of her. You did that through your choices. (Most of my amends ended up coming from my resentments inventory. I wouldn't be surprised if you find the same with this one).
You know, even a justified resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. An unjustified one is worse because it's the same principle as the poison but then we get to feel like a doofus afterwards as well. I often felt embarrassed by an incident, and instead of focussing on my part in it I'd subconsciously flip those uncomfortable feelings of shame over into anger and resentment against someone else. Blame shifting I suppose to take the focus off of my drinking (and especially off of any serious commitment to stopping drinking!!)
Are you just attending meetings or are you actually working through the program of recovery with a sponsor? If it's just meetings, please remember that AA symbol is a triangle, and there are three sides to it. Just using one or two of those is like trying to rest on a stool with only one or two legs of it on the ground. Wobbly and kinda hard work. If you do have a sponsor, why not go for coffee and a chat about that resentment and see if you can shift it. If not, seek out one of the people at your next meeting who has the kind of sobriety and recovery that you'd like for yourself and ask if he'd be able to spare you ten minutes for a chat after the meeting and talk it through.
Anyway. Welcome to the forum. Glad you found us.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Why not just leave this girl to live a sane life and carry on drinking if that's what yiu want to do? I'm presuming that there's a small part of you at least that doesn't like that option! Thing is, we all have that rampant AV (addictive voice) early in sobriety, telling us we're missing out and trying to get us to push the eff-it button and rebel against sobriety. It certainly made me feel like I was cornered at times. Trapped. And its not a nice feeling. Thing is, likelihood is that you are not being forced, and that you actually don't want the unmanageable life any more. Thing is, we can't lose the consequences of our drinking without losing the alcohol. And that's not her fault. Or even yours. It's just the way addiction is. Why not drop that resentment against your fiance. Chances are you were stumbling round like a projectile-vomiting lunatic and scared that crap out of her. You did that through your choices. (Most of my amends ended up coming from my resentments inventory. I wouldn't be surprised if you find the same with this one).
You know, even a justified resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. An unjustified one is worse because it's the same principle as the poison but then we get to feel like a doofus afterwards as well. I often felt embarrassed by an incident, and instead of focussing on my part in it I'd subconsciously flip those uncomfortable feelings of shame over into anger and resentment against someone else. Blame shifting I suppose to take the focus off of my drinking (and especially off of any serious commitment to stopping drinking!!)
Are you just attending meetings or are you actually working through the program of recovery with a sponsor? If it's just meetings, please remember that AA symbol is a triangle, and there are three sides to it. Just using one or two of those is like trying to rest on a stool with only one or two legs of it on the ground. Wobbly and kinda hard work. If you do have a sponsor, why not go for coffee and a chat about that resentment and see if you can shift it. If not, seek out one of the people at your next meeting who has the kind of sobriety and recovery that you'd like for yourself and ask if he'd be able to spare you ten minutes for a chat after the meeting and talk it through.
Anyway. Welcome to the forum. Glad you found us.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Are you mad at your family not noticing your alcoholism or mad at your girlfriend for making the scene that got their attention?
Either way...what's missing is your gut-level recognition that your addiction is your problem to address. Not hers, not theirs. Right now you sound rather bemused and above it all...like you dabble in sobriety and toy with alcohol, but really don't believe there's an issue.
Wishing you clarity and strength.
Either way...what's missing is your gut-level recognition that your addiction is your problem to address. Not hers, not theirs. Right now you sound rather bemused and above it all...like you dabble in sobriety and toy with alcohol, but really don't believe there's an issue.
Wishing you clarity and strength.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I know i cannot drink the way i was drinking and i am sure as hell cannot drink like a normal person and this is a good thing. But something ain`t clicking. Am i trying to protect the drunk inside of me?"
ya know ya cant drink the way ya did, cant drink like a normie...might be needing this
reads like ya dont want to stop drinking.yet. reads like youre lookin for a loophole why ha dont have to stop.
"Hope i can stick around much much longer this time."
are ya sayin youve been on the site before?
denial sucks.
ya know ya cant drink the way ya did, cant drink like a normie...might be needing this
reads like ya dont want to stop drinking.yet. reads like youre lookin for a loophole why ha dont have to stop.
"Hope i can stick around much much longer this time."
are ya sayin youve been on the site before?
denial sucks.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
The thing is that i CANNOT get over the fact that she had to yell, insult and make a huge scene for my family to take note of it. They know i am a hard drinker. I might be needing this. But then again i am feeling... forced? What am i missing?
a) None of it would have happened if you had not picked up the first drink. You are facing the consequences of your bad choice.
b) This is NOT all about you. Your alcoholism affects your loved ones badly. Loving and living with an alcoholic in active addiction is hell. Just check out the friends and family forum if you don't believe me.
I would bet anything that your family took good note of it but are by now numb to your drunken shenanigans. Your fiancee on another hand has not gotten to that point...yet. Count your blessings that she did not cut her losses and dumped you.
No one is forcing you to do anything.
You can chose to quit permanently or to keep drinking and face you consequences.
Your loved ones can chose to protect themselves and cut you and the toxicity and drama which goes with alcoholism out of their lives or they can chose to put up with a blackout drunk.
I hope that you will chose sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
Originally Posted by AlkalineKid 
I might be needing this.
Anything that keeps us from our drink, and forces us to face up to the consequences of our actions, is natural to resent, but if you remain abstinent you may eventually come to thank her for helping you not ruin your life. I resented my wife for sending me to jail one night, and it did result in a lot of consequences and a long period of really really heavy drinking, but maybe that's what I needed. I can't really blame her for it, and I don't anymore (much
), she was out of her mind desperate and I left her no alternative.You said "I know i cannot drink the way i was drinking", but isn't the honest reality, you cannot drink at all, ever again? I promise, it's a lot easier to stop forever than it is to keep up the mad cycle of drinking and trying to control it, because beyond a point we simply cannot control it, and the only way to end the madness and have a chance at a normal happy life is to stop forever.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Does anyone love their intervention? Have you seen the show? I haven't seen a single happy face walk into that. I think that lots of them are grateful for their recovery.
I got left by my boyfriend yesterday bc he couldn't put up with what I put him through anymore. I didn't exactly relish that intervention, but it set a fire under my a$$.
Would you want to marry you?
I know, right now I wouldn't want to spend any time with myself if I had a choice...oh wait...I do have a choice. I can stop acting a fool.
GL,
J
I got left by my boyfriend yesterday bc he couldn't put up with what I put him through anymore. I didn't exactly relish that intervention, but it set a fire under my a$$.
Would you want to marry you?
I know, right now I wouldn't want to spend any time with myself if I had a choice...oh wait...I do have a choice. I can stop acting a fool.
GL,
J
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I know i cannot drink the way i was drinking and i am sure as hell cannot drink like a normal person and this is a good thing. But something ain`t clicking. Am i trying to protect the drunk inside of me?
Understand that alcoholism is progressive, your drinking will increase and if you don't loose your life, you can loose everything that makes it worth living. If you're serious do 90 meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. You'll certainly get it then.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
For an active alcoholic an intervention must be a terrible thing. It is an effort to break down the denial and make you (force you) to see the truth about your condition and how it is affecting you and everyone around you. That's gotta be painful, might have caused me to run off and drink. Come to think of it, that is what I usually did when the truth was about to come out.
From your post, it looks like you are beyond being a hard drinker and may be a full blown alcoholic. If that is the case there are three possible outcomes. You will sober up, be locked up, or covered up. Maybe keep on with AA, find a sponsor and get into the program.
From your post, it looks like you are beyond being a hard drinker and may be a full blown alcoholic. If that is the case there are three possible outcomes. You will sober up, be locked up, or covered up. Maybe keep on with AA, find a sponsor and get into the program.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Im not sure if you are supposed to be happy with the intervention. No one would be happy.
You are upset with your girlfriend for involving the family? You CANNOT get over the fact that she yelled and made a huge scene for your family to take note of? If your GF didnt say anything then you would still be drinking and carrying on. If your GF did not involve the people who love you and put a big light on the situation you would still be drinking. That is the issue here, right?
Your GF is not the one to be focusing on. I think you have misdirected emotions towards this situation.
You are upset with your girlfriend for involving the family? You CANNOT get over the fact that she yelled and made a huge scene for your family to take note of? If your GF didnt say anything then you would still be drinking and carrying on. If your GF did not involve the people who love you and put a big light on the situation you would still be drinking. That is the issue here, right?
Your GF is not the one to be focusing on. I think you have misdirected emotions towards this situation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I don't think anyone enjoys an intervention. Boy was that fun!!! I can hardly wait for the next one.
Hindsight is where we can get an appreciation, gratitude, and understanding of what a loving and compassionate event an intervention is.
Pain is inevitable. It will happen during our lives. Suffering and the length of time, are optional.
Like you, I don't know if this makes sense,... but after a while it adds up to dollars (dollars/cents). Just like days of sobriety turn into weeks, then month, etc.
Hindsight is where we can get an appreciation, gratitude, and understanding of what a loving and compassionate event an intervention is.
Pain is inevitable. It will happen during our lives. Suffering and the length of time, are optional.
Like you, I don't know if this makes sense,... but after a while it adds up to dollars (dollars/cents). Just like days of sobriety turn into weeks, then month, etc.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
It sounds like your girl loves you!
It took me years to finally find "IT".. all I can say is keep searching for what you're looking for. Ask your HP for guidance in your daily prayers and never ever give up!! If you fall down get right back in the saddle and try again!! Don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens..
Wishing you the best, Friend!!
It took me years to finally find "IT".. all I can say is keep searching for what you're looking for. Ask your HP for guidance in your daily prayers and never ever give up!! If you fall down get right back in the saddle and try again!! Don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens..
Wishing you the best, Friend!!
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Alkaline,
Please pardon my bluntness -- I assure you that it is not 'tough love', as with an intervention, which I am not a big fan of. Just, this thing is insidious, and we can't always see the obvious.
Did you enjoy your attempts precisely because they were merely 'attempts', as opposed to the dreaded 'game over'? Granted, we have to start somewhere, and we have to try again after a setback, but many of us stopped temporarily many times, fully knowing that we would start up again eventually, once we were out of trouble, and out of the spotlight.
Consider that there is a difference between what you refer to as 'failing', and leaving the door wide open to starting up again eventually, once the heat is off. They are not one and the same, so it is good to know which attitude you are going into an 'attempt' with.
That regardless of your feelings about AA, you are likely retaining the Option to drink some more at some point in the future, probably once the heat is off from your girlfriend, or she is out of the picture entirely.
Almost certainly, but you can try answering the following questions if you have any doubt in that regard. What is your present plan for your future use of alcohol? Are you going to drink again in this lifetime, or are you not?
Please pardon my bluntness -- I assure you that it is not 'tough love', as with an intervention, which I am not a big fan of. Just, this thing is insidious, and we can't always see the obvious.
Originally Posted by AlkalineKid
Well, i've enjoyed my attempts to sobriety. There were many of them. But usually i failed miserably at some point.
Consider that there is a difference between what you refer to as 'failing', and leaving the door wide open to starting up again eventually, once the heat is off. They are not one and the same, so it is good to know which attitude you are going into an 'attempt' with.
Originally Posted by AlkalineKid
So then it came the intervention... The thing is that i CANNOT get over the fact that she had to yell, insult and make a huge scene... I might be needing this. But then again i am feeling... forced? What am i missing?
Originally Posted by AlkalineKid
I know i cannot drink the way i was drinking and i am sure as hell cannot drink like a normal person and this is a good thing. But something ain`t clicking. Am i trying to protect the drunk inside of me?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Posts: 739
I don't think it was an intervention.
Aren't they usually planned?
This sounds to me like your partner was reacting to what she considered bad behaviour.
Falling around your parents' home and puking is pretty bad.
And I don't mean to sound judgemental - I have done EXACTLY the same thing (although without the meds. I simply drank myself stupid.
I suspect you are angry that she highlighted how out of control you got that day. I know that when I have caused a scene, I always wanted it to go away quickly.
My friend, do yourself a favour and don't put yourself through this again.
Aren't they usually planned?
This sounds to me like your partner was reacting to what she considered bad behaviour.
Falling around your parents' home and puking is pretty bad.
And I don't mean to sound judgemental - I have done EXACTLY the same thing (although without the meds. I simply drank myself stupid.
I suspect you are angry that she highlighted how out of control you got that day. I know that when I have caused a scene, I always wanted it to go away quickly.
My friend, do yourself a favour and don't put yourself through this again.
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