lenches13

I'm at the end of a two week binge. Tonight is my first sober night and it always terrifies me. I've had too many of these. Going through the anxiety and depression is the absolute worst. I feel alone and I've posted here before and found so much support. So I'm reaching out again just to help me get through this first night. I'm hating on myself (and I can be really mean to myself) for always getting back to this position. I stay sober for awhile and I am loving life when I'm sober - totally feel confident and great and then I get right back to my first sober night. Ugh. Thanks for letting me chat and get out my fears.

Jules714

There must be something magical about today...everyone is quitting! Yay!
I'm sorry you aren't feeling so well. Please stay safe and go to ER if need be!!
Welcome back,
J

ScottFromWI

Welcome back lenches, I'm glad you decided to make SR part of your recovery again. You can hold yourself accountable without being mean...and we can help you do so.

NewLife52417

Take what you love about being sober and hold it in the highest regards and remember what you hate about drinking and think real hard what happens when you drink and how bad you will regret it.

2muchpain

Sometimes, I think there is a learning curve to getting sober. A two-week binge is tough, but maybe think of it as a process. I'm not saying relapsing has to be part of the recovery process but for many including myself it was. Like you, I was very hard on myself for just about anything that didn't go exactly right. For me, that negative thinking just made things worse. Never helped at all. As hard as it was, I had to accept the fact that I human (and an alcoholic), and will screw up sometimes. When I was in your situation, I had to go back to that "one day at a time" thinking, and gradually get myself on track. Maybe look at it this way. Tomorrow's a new sober day for you and that's a great start. Take care. John

Gottalife

I don't think it is part of the recovery process either, it is more of an indication that there has been no recovery, only time between drinks. However it serves a useful purpose as a stepping stone to beginning a recovery process. Every relapse or slip back into the pit is a lesson in what does not work. For a Lot of us, just not drinking only provides temporary relief.

As long as we are in denial about the rest of the picture, a slip is inevitable. When we learn the lesson that there is more to it, and we begging to take action, permanent recovery becomes attainable.

Dee74

If you always end up back at the same spot, maybe it's time to do something different Lenches?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D

RogerD

I had many slips before finally getting just 30 days. You have to keep trying. Hey, one day not drinking is better than one day drinking, right? You've probably heard this advice hundreds of times, but what helped me was having just one goal - don't drink today. I didn't have to call people back or clean the house and I could have pizza on back to back days, but just simplifying things.... my only goal today is not to drink relieved some anxiety. I didn't have to be super Roger. I just had to be sober Roger. And slowly things fall into place. You can do it. Don't give up

MachinistGuy

I wish I had heard that piece of incredibly valuable advice back when I was depressed and just on the brink of alcoholism.
I would carry around a mental list of things I should be doing and feel guilty when I couldn't complete all those tasks. It's one of the things that tipped me over the edge.
I should have stuck to looking after myself and then spent any leftover energy on the other stuff....

lenches13

I didn't sleep too much last night - I got about 5 hours on and off and of course I had the night sweats (another thing I totally hate). I always see getting over that first night as the greatest hump. I know I won't be feeling 100% in a while but I feel SO much better today than I did yesterday.

I really thank you all for the support and the encouraging words. It means so much to me knowing I am not alone and I'm surrounded with people who truly understand.

I've read all your replies and you all are spot on. What I am doing is not working. I need to change it. I need to also keep this going one day at a time and focus on my well-being. And I must ALWAYS remember that what I am feeling now sober is so much better than how I feel drunk. (that is the toughest to hold on to because my denial runs deep) I think checking in here regularly will really help me.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

MachinistGuy

I'm kind of struggling at the moment, for reasons I won't go into here, because this is your thread.
But one thing that is keeping me going is the luxury of a good nights sleep rather than simply passing out and waking up still tired.
Now that's something for you to look forward to - and it'll start to happen probably sooner rather than later...

PhoenixJ

Welcome

lenches13

Thank you so much for your response. I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I'm here if you need to share or vent. Good night