Is it normal to feel different?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Some do, others not so much. I think that many people just want to live their lives with as little stress as they can. I know that at some point, I decided which battles I should fight and which ones to let go.
I'm a believer in the saying, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
Does that help, Brenda?
I'm a believer in the saying, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
Does that help, Brenda?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I would argue that there is no such thing as "normal". Some people are very passive and agree with just about anything, others are very combative/independant and will fight tooth and nail over any little thing.
What's far more important in my book is how we react. We cannot control what other people do, say or think...so we have to accept that we can only do so much. Trying to "figure" other people out or "fix" them is impossible and will only lead to frustration.
What's far more important in my book is how we react. We cannot control what other people do, say or think...so we have to accept that we can only do so much. Trying to "figure" other people out or "fix" them is impossible and will only lead to frustration.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Society expect it's members conform to a certain extent. Such a getting to work on time, stopping at a red traffic light...
To 'fall in line' can mean lots of things. If it is basic stuff such as being punctual, wearing a uniform- whatever, most are usually okay with that. The difficulties can be when individuals clash- perhaps over personality or the work culture. If doing 15 minutes extra unpaid overtime every day is expected, or getting coffee for co-workers. I think normal is defined by the place in which people are living/working. A normal environment in a prison is much different than a normal home environment for a young married couple.
To 'fall in line' can mean lots of things. If it is basic stuff such as being punctual, wearing a uniform- whatever, most are usually okay with that. The difficulties can be when individuals clash- perhaps over personality or the work culture. If doing 15 minutes extra unpaid overtime every day is expected, or getting coffee for co-workers. I think normal is defined by the place in which people are living/working. A normal environment in a prison is much different than a normal home environment for a young married couple.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I don't think it's odd to feel different and I don't think people need to fall in line or follow the herd or get along with everyone. I think it's a good thing to think for yourself and be picky about who you choose to be close to. I also think it's good to learn how to stand up for yourself and go your own way if that what's right for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
topic at an AA meeting this weekend was "what does it mean to be a normal human being"?
wow, what a loaded question, right?
Here's what I think is 'normal' about Being Human as a Human Being:
every human being has fears, doubts, anger, sadness, questioning, anxiety, love, frustration.... in short - emotions of some kind.
every human being responds to those emotions in some form or another. some drink. some are obsessed with running. some meditate. some trust in Jesus. some practice magick. some stuff it all down inside and have heart attacks. some go to counseling. some talk it out with friends. some deny. some have eating disorders. most respond with some combination of the above and / or any of a million other responses...... but every human being responds.
every human being is on a journey - learning about the world outside and to some degree or another about the world inside.
every human being is wandering around on that journey, basically doing the absolute best they can at that given moment with the tools they've got and the lessons they've learned.....
and every human being is in the process of discovering what it is they're here for, what is their purpose, what is it that this life will be.
I think this is all "normal"..... I think what's Normal about Being Human as a Human Being is that we're ALL of us wondering (whether we admit it or not) whether we're 'normal' and just what the hell that means.....
and when we come to a place of recognizing that maybe 'normal' isn't what's important.....
that maybe the most important thing is honoring our own path with as much depth and integrity as we can.... and honoring the paths of others with as much respect and compassion as we can.....
maybe 'normal' just really doesn't even matter at all.
wow, what a loaded question, right?
Here's what I think is 'normal' about Being Human as a Human Being:
every human being has fears, doubts, anger, sadness, questioning, anxiety, love, frustration.... in short - emotions of some kind.
every human being responds to those emotions in some form or another. some drink. some are obsessed with running. some meditate. some trust in Jesus. some practice magick. some stuff it all down inside and have heart attacks. some go to counseling. some talk it out with friends. some deny. some have eating disorders. most respond with some combination of the above and / or any of a million other responses...... but every human being responds.
every human being is on a journey - learning about the world outside and to some degree or another about the world inside.
every human being is wandering around on that journey, basically doing the absolute best they can at that given moment with the tools they've got and the lessons they've learned.....
and every human being is in the process of discovering what it is they're here for, what is their purpose, what is it that this life will be.
I think this is all "normal"..... I think what's Normal about Being Human as a Human Being is that we're ALL of us wondering (whether we admit it or not) whether we're 'normal' and just what the hell that means.....
and when we come to a place of recognizing that maybe 'normal' isn't what's important.....
that maybe the most important thing is honoring our own path with as much depth and integrity as we can.... and honoring the paths of others with as much respect and compassion as we can.....
maybe 'normal' just really doesn't even matter at all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I don't mean to feel the need to conform. That would require being aware that you're different. What I mean is, don't most people just feel fine the way that they are and comfortable around people by default?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth 
I don't mean to feel the need to conform. That would require being aware that you're different. What I mean is, don't most people just feel fine the way that they are and comfortable around people by default?
I think "most" people are coping to feel just fine the way that they are and to appear comfortable around people by default.
I think that's why alcohol is so prevalent. I think that's why so many people are on medication. I think that's why there is so much narcissistic and ego-driven behavior and why it seems to be on the rise. It think that society has increasingly lost the notion of the collective and of community and it has driven a feeling of isolation and comparison among human beings that drives a wedge of uncertainty between us all - and even though they may appear to be "just fine" on the surface.... I think most people are walking around doing their best and carrying inner worries, doubts, concerns and fears - or else dulling them out with various modern-day coping mechanisms.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
"don't most people just feel fine the way that they are and comfortable around people by default? "
I don't know about most people. I know that for much of my life I didn't feel fine they way I was and I was not comfortable around people. Today I still get a bit uncomfortable when around complete strangers. I suspect that had/has a lot to do with upbrining. I think it's something that can change and I think that changeability is a default human feature.
I don't know about most people. I know that for much of my life I didn't feel fine they way I was and I was not comfortable around people. Today I still get a bit uncomfortable when around complete strangers. I suspect that had/has a lot to do with upbrining. I think it's something that can change and I think that changeability is a default human feature.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 55
There is some really good opinions in this thread, asking such a question allows one to really look at how they see others.
I hope I am on the right track here.....
As for me, I do not like most people, I have been like this my whole life, I give them a chance and usually within an hour I have decided that this is a person I do not want to keep company with. They either talk about other peoples faults, or they brag and wont stop, or they openly admit not caring who they step on to get ahead, or go out of their was to cause unnecessary issues. For a long time I thought it was just me, but when I take inventory on the very few people I like and I realize that they are truly good people. The people I feel 'different' about I have had no problem living without.
I hope I am on the right track here.....
As for me, I do not like most people, I have been like this my whole life, I give them a chance and usually within an hour I have decided that this is a person I do not want to keep company with. They either talk about other peoples faults, or they brag and wont stop, or they openly admit not caring who they step on to get ahead, or go out of their was to cause unnecessary issues. For a long time I thought it was just me, but when I take inventory on the very few people I like and I realize that they are truly good people. The people I feel 'different' about I have had no problem living without.
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
For me Freeowl hit the nail in the head.
I carry around many insecurities with me, too old, fat, not funny enough, not smart enough, not this not that enough. When I tune into these feelings it is then that I find it difficult to be around other people.
We are now living in a society where judgement of others is prevalent. In magazines, social media, TV. IMO it makes us question who we are too much.
Not sure where I was going with this.. I'm going to blame PAWS lol.
But in answer to your question I don't think there are many who naturally fall inline and feel comfortable around others. For me the key has been not focusing on those insecurities. I can only be me and mostly I believe I am enough. Falling inline for me is always trying to do what I believe is fair and just. Do as ye will, but do no harm.
Just my 2c worth
I carry around many insecurities with me, too old, fat, not funny enough, not smart enough, not this not that enough. When I tune into these feelings it is then that I find it difficult to be around other people.
We are now living in a society where judgement of others is prevalent. In magazines, social media, TV. IMO it makes us question who we are too much.
Not sure where I was going with this.. I'm going to blame PAWS lol.
But in answer to your question I don't think there are many who naturally fall inline and feel comfortable around others. For me the key has been not focusing on those insecurities. I can only be me and mostly I believe I am enough. Falling inline for me is always trying to do what I believe is fair and just. Do as ye will, but do no harm.
Just my 2c worth
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 72
I don't know about falling into line by default.
I naturally like people (until they give me reason not to) I think all people are vunerable, it's just the human state and people cover it up in different ways around other people. So if you can make the other person feel comfortable, you will generally get to see the real person behind the mask most people wear in public.
I'm really nosy..I mean.. interested in people too and like hearing about how others deal with stuff and their interests and things, so it just becomes natural process from there.
I don't have to think the same way as them, I don't have to hold the same views and opinions, I don't have to go along with them, but it doesn't mean there can't be a human connection, as it's the one big thing we all have in common, being human, and there is nothing anyone has been through, thought or felt that the vast majority of us haven't
I naturally like people (until they give me reason not to) I think all people are vunerable, it's just the human state and people cover it up in different ways around other people. So if you can make the other person feel comfortable, you will generally get to see the real person behind the mask most people wear in public.
I'm really nosy..I mean.. interested in people too and like hearing about how others deal with stuff and their interests and things, so it just becomes natural process from there.
I don't have to think the same way as them, I don't have to hold the same views and opinions, I don't have to go along with them, but it doesn't mean there can't be a human connection, as it's the one big thing we all have in common, being human, and there is nothing anyone has been through, thought or felt that the vast majority of us haven't
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
I'm like you, Joey. I naturally like people too. As I've aged and become sober, I've also learned to pick my battles and often it's just easier to not engage at all. I am not interested in drama (as I can create enough in my own head). I surround myself with positive people and cut out those who cause me stress. I don't have to be right all the time and people can have their own opinions.
Everyone is unique in their own way, but many people think they are very special and are manipulative and will act in ways to draw attention to themselves at all costs. I like to keep a low profile myself when it comes to drama. I despise drama queens (or kings).
Be kind. Be helpful. Smile. Small things can make a person's day. I do not believe in the supernatural, however, I do believe that if you try to keep a positive outlook and treat other people with respect, you too will be treated with respect.
CF
Everyone is unique in their own way, but many people think they are very special and are manipulative and will act in ways to draw attention to themselves at all costs. I like to keep a low profile myself when it comes to drama. I despise drama queens (or kings).
Be kind. Be helpful. Smile. Small things can make a person's day. I do not believe in the supernatural, however, I do believe that if you try to keep a positive outlook and treat other people with respect, you too will be treated with respect.
CF
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I would guess if you took a poll among any large group of people, most of them would say they don't feel just fine the way they are. I think most people feel "different" or "weird" or like they don't fit in somehow. It's certainly a prevalent sentiment at AA meetings when people share, but I think it's very widespread to not feel "normal." We all have insecurities and judge ourselves more harshly than others would judge us. I do believe society and the images we see every day in advertising and popular media feed that feeling of not being good enough or living up to some fake standard. I think most people in general work hard to appear to be normal and well-adjusted. But if you get to know someone, you will usually find that they have a lot of the same fears and insecurities you do. I think it's a rare person who is completely at ease with his or herself and feels happy in her own skin.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
Do most people just naturally fall in line and get along with most other people?
for me i don't think its so much that i fell in line and started getting along with other people so much as it i accepted im not going to like everyone- i accepted not everyone is going to like me and im not going to like everyone.
and that's ok.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I think the main thing to keep in mind is most people don't care. They don't think about or talk about us near as much as we worry they do. I used to really care and be bothered if someone didn't like me. With each passing year...Frankly my dear....I don't give a damn. I am tired of the fight. I don't need to prove myself. Enough is enough.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
