So so so angry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
So so so angry
**** you AV. **** your mother********* ******** lies. **** you. **** you for:
Stealing my hope
Stealing my self worth
Stealing my dreams and goals
Stealing my time
Stealing my health
Stealing my serenity
Stealing my money
Stealing my self respect
Stealing being present- with my kids, my family, my friends, my job
Stealing my dignity
Stealing my ability to enjoy life
Stealing my sleep
Stealing ME.
Stealing my clean house, my bills being paid on time.
Stealing my ability to buy A GODDAMN WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
You've stolen more than your fair share. I am reclaiming it all back. You get Not. A. Single. Thing. More.
You are a greedy, nasty, bullying LIAR.
No more. You've taken enough. And I want it ALL back.
Stealing my hope
Stealing my self worth
Stealing my dreams and goals
Stealing my time
Stealing my health
Stealing my serenity
Stealing my money
Stealing my self respect
Stealing being present- with my kids, my family, my friends, my job
Stealing my dignity
Stealing my ability to enjoy life
Stealing my sleep
Stealing ME.
Stealing my clean house, my bills being paid on time.
Stealing my ability to buy A GODDAMN WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
You've stolen more than your fair share. I am reclaiming it all back. You get Not. A. Single. Thing. More.
You are a greedy, nasty, bullying LIAR.
No more. You've taken enough. And I want it ALL back.
Last edited by Dee74; 02-23-2017 at 12:43 AM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Great Rant!!!
Beat that MFer down. It's always in the shadows waiting. Get yourself spiritually fit to slap it around like a rag doll.
Good job and keep coming back to vent. We all need to blow off steam now and then.
Beat that MFer down. It's always in the shadows waiting. Get yourself spiritually fit to slap it around like a rag doll.
Good job and keep coming back to vent. We all need to blow off steam now and then.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I hope your anger will abate, and pass. I hope you are working a program to help with this. I know that steps 4 and 5 helped me with anger (among dealing with resentments and fears). Being free of my old anger is one of the best gifts of my sobriety.
Hang in there- emotions are not us, and not facts - they are normal to have and how we deal with them is the important part. Take care of yourself.
Hang in there- emotions are not us, and not facts - they are normal to have and how we deal with them is the important part. Take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
August- I am thrilled to have some fire in my belly. For too long I've been apathetic and numb. I feel like I'm waking up and for today, I am glad I feel angry. In fact, I welcome it. Because it means I care about myself and my life.
Am I going to become a resentful ball of rage? No. But today, and heck maybe tomorrow too, I am going to tell my AV to get ******.
Am I going to become a resentful ball of rage? No. But today, and heck maybe tomorrow too, I am going to tell my AV to get ******.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Love the tirade. 
I was PO'd at my AV for several months, and I think it was helpful for a while. I had been it's lackey for decades and it felt good to stand up to it and fight back. I was on offense for a change, instead of being on defense all the time. (No, no, no, go away and leave me alone, AV, please!)
I've made peace with it, though. Now I view it more like a toddler throwing a tantrum. I might feel a bit exasperated by it, but being angry with it no longer serves any useful purpose. It's an AV. It does the only thing it knows how to do. The rest is up to me.
Keep after that sumbeach as long as it is helpful, though. If it gives you any lip put it in a box and plug it's air hole. You don't have to take crap from it any longer.
noneever>>>>
<<<<AV
I was PO'd at my AV for several months, and I think it was helpful for a while. I had been it's lackey for decades and it felt good to stand up to it and fight back. I was on offense for a change, instead of being on defense all the time. (No, no, no, go away and leave me alone, AV, please!)
I've made peace with it, though. Now I view it more like a toddler throwing a tantrum. I might feel a bit exasperated by it, but being angry with it no longer serves any useful purpose. It's an AV. It does the only thing it knows how to do. The rest is up to me.
Keep after that sumbeach as long as it is helpful, though. If it gives you any lip put it in a box and plug it's air hole. You don't have to take crap from it any longer.
noneever>>>>
<<<<AV
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by noneever 
Sorry for the swearing. But it felt good to type it out. If I could, I'd shout it from my rooftop. But I don't need to add to my current woes haha.
Bill
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by noneever
I feel like I'm waking up and for today, I am glad I feel angry. In fact, I welcome it. Because it means I care about myself and my life.
The fusion between self and AV is beginning to break down, but the resultant anger is only a spark. What follows can either be a gradual return into the chains, or a full break -- the definitive awakening.
Originally Posted by noneever
Am I going to become a resentful ball of rage? No. But today, and heck maybe tomorrow too, I am going to tell my AV to get ******.
Are you going to indulge again in this lifetime, or are you not?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
"Nonsensical": I agree with you. With sobriety eventually one sees that although it has been describe as the "beast" it's really the toddler, the "child within" and when the alcohol is not provided it sits in its highchair and screams for its bottle. And then when the bottle doesn't come it climbs down, picks up the car keys and drives to the liquor store. Later hides the bottle. Gets another as a backup. Wakes up during the night, starts taking pills. Screaming toddler dragging what remains of the "You" down the slippery slope.
W.
W.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by wpainterw
And then when the bottle doesn't come it climbs down, picks up the car keys and drives to the liquor store. Later hides the bottle. Gets another as a backup. Wakes up during the night, starts taking pills. Screaming toddler dragging what remains of the "You" down the slippery slope.
Did my persistent alcohol use contribute to my breathtakingly bad decision making? You betcha. But there was never any time that I did not know that I was choosing wrong over right. I knew, but I chose to listen to my adviser in the high chair.
Never again.
I aspire to your long life and sobriety.
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