Came back looking for positive outcomes....

Old 12-05-2016, 06:20 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Greetings, ForMyBoys
I joined this site after you were here last. Three years ago today, I was drinking about 10,000 calories a week. This was just alcohol. The food calories were on top of that. One rationale I had for this, was if I drank with my then partner, he would eventually get sober. By then I had lost a business, a house, and all my collector cars.
We separated in early March 2014. I haven't had a drink since then. I have a great job, church family and some very carefully selected friends. I am on the way "back up" since hitting bottom spiritually, emotionally and financially.
I am sure I can speak for all the rest of us in saying that sobriety is a journey. We always have to keep working it out the rest of our lives.
Welcome back!!!
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Old 12-05-2016, 10:13 AM
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I remember you too. I'm glad you have a counselor, and please keep posting here. I hope the best for your son. (((HUGS)))
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Old 12-05-2016, 05:52 PM
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Its going to be a long road...Ive done alanon, therapy and everything in between. I can handle the tough love and holding my son accountable for the mistakes hes made. I pray for him and will support him through this no matter what the outcome.
The thing I have never figured out how to handle it the complete change in his father. He went to AA and did an out patient program to get sober. Its been 7 yrs in Feb. Once he met the other woman he left us for he quit going to AA but has stayed sober. He is mean and hateful....something he never was even as a drunk. Nothing seems to effect him....he doesn't respond to anything our son has done and just goes about his life as if it doesn't penetrate his bubble.
As our son started to spiral I thought he would eventually step up but it seemed to me that the worse it got the more he withdrew.
Ive never heard of an alcoholic getting sober and becoming more miserable then they were drinking. Hes always had a level of not being able to deal with the real serious stuff but I assumed that was just immaturity.
I don't know, at this point its not my problem but its a mystery to me.
Thank you for all the support and kind words. Im so happy to here from all the old members and thank you to the new.
Glad everyone is well.
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Old 12-06-2016, 09:31 AM
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Just a thought fmb--stopping drinking and recovery are not the same thing.

He may be dry, but it doesn't sound like he has dealt with underlying issues that led to drinking
in the first place. Without that, denial becomes a new and terrible "coping mechanism"

Maybe that's part of the mystery--recovery looks like recovery,
but what he's done is run and hide, surrounding himself with distractions.
It won't work in the long run.

I hope things work out with your son--sending you both the best
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Old 12-07-2016, 11:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
Just a thought fmb--stopping drinking and recovery are not the same thing.

He may be dry, but it doesn't sound like he has dealt with underlying issues that led to drinking
in the first place. Without that, denial becomes a new and terrible "coping mechanism"

Maybe that's part of the mystery--recovery looks like recovery,
but what he's done is run and hide, surrounding himself with distractions.
It won't work in the long run.

I hope things work out with your son--sending you both the best
This was going to be my question, too. My XAH was actually dry for 15 years but he drank while we were engaged and had a run in with the law so I told him I wouldn't marry him if he were still actively drinking. At the time, I didn't know about AA or recovery and so he quit cold turkey and I thought our problems were solved.

When, in actuality, he got worse and we were newly married and I was floundering wondering what the hell was going on. He stayed dry for 15 years but I finally learned that sobriety of mind, body, and soul was truly needed to be considered in recovery. He also had underlying mental health conditions that were untreated and everything just came to head over time. You can only hide general depression and personality disorders for so long.

Sending you lots of hugs and support.
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Old 12-07-2016, 12:19 PM
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I am spotty on here of late, but wanted to drop in and say I am reading this, supporting you! I remember your story well, and I hate that you are going through this. Tight hugs and many prayers!
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Old 12-09-2016, 11:26 AM
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I remember you and your story also! I'm sorry you are having to deal with this with your son. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do for him. He has to do it on his own. I am praying he eventually comes to terms with the fact that his father is unreliable and can fight those demons and turn his life around in a positive way. Hugs to you for being so strong.
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Old 12-19-2016, 08:34 AM
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Thank you all for the support, It means a lot to me at this point. The shaky support system I had built since the divorce 3 years ago has pretty much collapsed. I understand that others who have not been down this road cannot possibly understand how much a relationship with an A can wreck you. My relationship lasted almost 20 years....that's a lot of history to let go of and come to terms with.
This latest thing with my son has brought back a lot of resentments, Im feeling lot of the old blame and guilt that I worked hard to move past.
I know its a screwed up way to look at things and most of the time Im not dwelling on it anymore but right now, in the middle of all of this with my son, I am feeling the old "how has he just moved on and made this happy little life for himself while we are left to suffer and struggle?"....we were not the alcoholics, myself and my boys have had a hard row since the split. He seems to have moved on without much thought and is happy. He raised my older sons as his own for almost 20 yrs but hasn't spoke to them in 5 years.
I struggle with the history and life we had, and the way it is now. such a harsh contrast. I sometimes wonder if someone had sat down with me and showed me a video of how life for myself and my sons would play out since the day I left, would I still leave? I really don't know....
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