LIFEOUTTHERE

It's been 10 years since I left my XAH... .

August 10 years ago I found this place.. I was a completely lost wife of an alcoholic, raising 3 little ones... Meg 5, Mike 3 and Peyton, 18 months. After I left my AH, I completely started over.. To this day, we have no contact with the alcoholic. About a month ago I shared my story on facebook and got an overwhelming response. I'd like to share on here for anyone who might be interested!

This time 10 years ago... I sat in a hotel room in Gatlinburg with my parents. They kidnapped me and the kids for a week and took us for some family time and 'me' time that I desperately needed. I think it was more of an intervention on their part... I was merely exsisting at this point in my life... I barely remember anything about the last 3 years of my marriage. I felt nothing... My spirit was broken... people who know me describe it as looking into my eyes and seeing nothing. I had been married to an alcoholic for 7 years... although most people never even knew... it was to the point his alcoholism was killing me and to this day it is slowly killing him. 2 days into our vacation, Peyton, who was just walking dunked my phone in the toilet... no contact with the husband at all.. and you can bet I heard about this when I got home... but God works in mysterious way.. it truly was a blessing that this happen.. I didn't have to worry about checking in with him and we went on and had the best time... and I realized something very important... I didn't miss him and I didn't need him there with me to be happy... While on vacation my child got sick... actually 2 of my children got sick. We had to stop on the way home and get Megan a shot just so she could ride back, bless her heart she was miserable! We got home and the joy of that week slowly disappeared... I had to go back to him, to that place... I am so ashamed that I allowed my kids to live there. A few days later I remember getting sick... so sick with the virus that the kids had and my 5 year old taking care of me while he was off doing God knows what... and I remember thinking for the first time in years... yes, THINKING!.. WHY? Why am I doing this to my kids and to myself... 2 weeks passed and I spent the weekend with my parents... for my birthday. I remember lots of people being there and I remember laughing.. I had not laughed in a really long time and it felt good, when it was time to go home, I didn't want to go... My parents took me to meet him and instantly he started a fight... and you know what... I fought back... for the first time ever... I grew a back bone overnight. What had I just done? I was so shocked that I stood up to him... We got home and the fighting continued... so I picked up the phone... a track phone that had just enough time for me to make 1 call to mom and dad and say 'come get me'... Again God working ... I wasn't sure if they had even heard me, but I was praying... I could not beleive I had just done that.. I remember my Mikey saying... Mommy are we really leaving?? Yes baby, We are leaving... and my baby smiled and took my hand and said... come on mommy, lets go... almost as if he was begging me not to change my mind... Michael usually took the brunt of his dad's anger... this is a moment that is forever burnt into my memory... I left that night with the cloths on my back, my babies and $20 that I had hid and I have not looked back... Most of my 'new friends' just know me as the single mom... they have no idea where the kids dad is and most never ask.. if anything is ever told it is usually volunteered by my parents.. it is not something I am proud of... Why do I feel the need to share... I guess lately I have been down and I sometimes need to remind myself that I have come a long way. And as hard as it sometimes is, raising these kids, making ends meet and every now and again that feeling of hopelessness that creeps back into my life... I have to stop and tell myself, I can do this!! I am a survivor! These last 10 years I have really gotten to know myself and discovered that there is a lot of joy out there... I am so thankful for the smile on my kids face and the happiness that has found it's way back into my life... I am thankful for friends who do not care where I have been, who are there for me, no questions ask... I am thankful for my parents who I know wanted to give up on me, but never did... If I had stayed... I can't think about it...

maia1234

LOT,
Congrats!!

You are a Survivor my Friend!! There is a good life after leaving an addict, you are proof!!

Mags1

Thanks for sharing, lifeoutthere, you're experience is so be so uplifting to many.love to you and your children, and your wonderful mum and dad.xx

firebolt

Goosebumps! THanks for sharing! <3

atalose

Thank you for coming back and sharing your story. Not only is it encouraging and empowering for others to read, but your story may be the key that can unlock someone else’s prison.

((HUGS))

Kboys

Thanks for sharing!!

marie1960

Way to go , you saved your children and yourself from a lifetime of hell. You are a beautiful inspiration!!!!! I know first hand being a single parent is never easy, but when has doing the right thing ever been easy?

May your story give others the courage to take back their lives and protect their children.

Big hugs, friend.

Hangnbyathread

Amen. You really don't realize how askew you become, until you finally get out and it's like blood starts flowing again.

I'm not a religious person. I don't believe God plays into things one way or another.

But if ever I can describe something as spirtual, it's looking back to the hole you were in vs. seeing all the good you have to see ahead when it's out of your life. Nobody got me in that hole but me, and nobody got me out but me.

I liken it to cancer. It slowly kills you. But once you cut out the cancer, you become able to become strong again.