mc82

I haven't posted in a long time here, but last night had the lowest, worst blackout drunk of my entire life. I have no memory of it at all, but said horrible things to my wife and it's honestly a wonder she didn't leave then and there. I don't know what happened or where any of this came from, it's like I became demon possessed or something (nothing was wrong between us at all).

I've never had a night of drinking just spiral off into blacked out insanity like that, I think I started around 4 or so in the afternoon and have no memory at all past maybe an hour later. I'm really ashamed today, I know I really hurt my relationship with my wife last night and over nothing at all, and I have no recollection of it at all, which makes me almost unsure how to even feel.

With that said, as of today I am done with this poison. Last night will never happen again as long as I never drink again, and this is the first time "never drinking again" doesn't scare me and start me craving right off the bat.

I really appreciate the support here, I'll be checking in often and regularly from now on.

MattM316

Mate, if getting drunk makes you turn into an ******* and people know this, then you are doing the right thing by making the effort to address it.

mc82

Thank you. Went to my first AA meeting earlier this evening, going back again tomorrow.

Coldfusion

AA and SoberRecovery is the way to go! Read around and post often--it works if you work it!

ScottFromWI

Welcome back mc82. Glad you went to a meeting and I hope you can stick with us here in SR.

Delilah1

Welcome back! Sounds like you are off to a good start!

Snarly

mc82,

Thanks for coming back and sharing your story - and I can relate on so many levels!

It cannot be easy for you to come here and share your story - especially the details around blacking out and damaging your relationship with your wife.

You posting this says a lot about your willingness to address what happened and shows you are ready to be held accountable for your actions... even though you may not remember them.

Hey take a bow for getting out and going to a meeting! Probably the last thing you wanted to do .. but sounds like you got a lot out of it. Stay with the meetings - especially if they work for you and you have found a group that you are comfortable with.

Please keep us updated.. use this thread as your personal journal.. feel free to rant, ramble, ask questions... whatever.. just don't drink and be kind to yourself and your amazing supportive wife..

Snarly

Delizadee

Welcome back and good for you for coming back. Not everyone can make it back. You can do this. Kick some butt. Read around. We're all rooting for you!

Dee74

welcome back mc

D

dox

Welcome back, mc.

Good decisions.

I didn't know it when I went to my first meeting.
But, it was the start of something BIG:
My sober journey through life:
Life on life's terms.

All the best

mc82

I've been to 3 more meetings today, it's really the only way I know to cope with the total guilt and shame I feel right now. I'm really not looking forward to trying to sleep a few hours and laying there with my thoughts. Thanks again all of you for the support. Absolutely no desire at all to drink today, I hate and loathe it for the first time I'm in my life.

tate9685

Welcome back MC. I urge you to read and post here daily. You will make it here and with AA. You never have to have a day 1 again.

mc82

Just an update, it's been 5 days and I've been to one or more AA meeting(s) almost every day. I still feel like I have had enough and don't want anything to do with alcohol anymore. I plan to get more involved with AA as well, and not let my guard drop on drinking like I have plenty of times before. Thanks again to you all for the support!