Verdantia

Hey there, justme. I know that the anxiety is horrifying, but it will pass and your mind will clear.
Your brain is distressed from the withdrawal of alcohol, but it will get better. It was almost unbearable for me but I realized that I had to be strong for myself and go for just a minute at a time of not drinking. I reached out for help I desperately needed and also found this site which has been enormously helpful. I have 9 months now. You can do this. Just be gentle and kind to yourself and don't drink. Sending you love and encouragement from stormy Florida.

Berrybean

Hi. I'm another UK based member of the forum.

I waited a month before getting to my first AA meeting, in which time I really felt like I was losing the plot. Washing machine head and anxiety and rage galore.

When you get to your first meeting, you might like to treat yourself to the little Living Sober book. Cheap as chips and full of wisdom. The meditation idea is a good one as well.

When are you planning on going to your meeting?

justme6263

I'm planning on going to my first meeting tomorrow evening, I'm actually really nervous about it. I'm massively encouraged today though, last night my brother (who doesn't know I've quit drinking) turned up at my parents house where I am staying, with four of his friends. My parents were out and it was just me in their home. Anyway he had been out all night and they were drunk as hell and had a load more with them. They kept encouraging me to join them but I stayed strong, put headphones on and went to bed, the temptation was great though and it took all of my willpower to ignore it.

Just to clarify my brother and his friends do not know I quit drink and I didn't tell them.

Today I feel a lot stronger, like I achieved something as silly as that sounds. I'm still feeling anxious but I've been for a run and I'm going to spend today writing.

Thanks for reading.

justme6263

Today I feel terrible. I stupidly went to a friends birthday party on Saturday night thinking i would be able to resist because I had done so when my brothers friends came home with him. Of course i couldn't.vi has ended up with me being on a 3 day drink and cocaine bender which i have only just finished about 4 hours ago.

I feel like im destined to fail at every point where trying to stop drinking is concerned, it is the same story every time.

Berrybean

Lots of us had false starts. As long as you learn from each one you increase your chances for next time being your long-term sobriety date.

What did you learn from this last slip?

My suggestion is to keep going. Climb back on the waggon, get to that meeting, and make yourself a plan.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

RedAndy

it's difficult to break the cycle and the chain and walk away when it seems that it's all around you but needs must and you already can see how dangerous it was by going to your friends party as had proved the case, no point playing with fire you will end up getting burnt.

I'm guessing peer pressure is something you are finding difficult too but if you want to make this work you need to be strong and do this for you and that means making sacrifices and changes - chances are those mates you booze and do drugs with are going to tell you everything is alright and that there's no problem / sort your head out etc etc - especially at a younger age but the problem is obviously affecting you.

As hard as it may seem you really need to remove yourself from those situations, if that means not going out then so be it - needs must.

I've pretty much cut all ties with everyone I used to go out with, the reason being is all we did was get smashed together - no point me being around that as it would only result in one outcome, we've drifted now as I'm not part of the scene anymore but the thing is that's my choice and I can't be and no longer want to be.

I'm guessing from looking at the dates you went to the party instead of the meeting that you intended to go to.

Keep close to this place and get that plan in place / first meeting etc.

doggonecarl

You are going to keep failing if you continue to engage in activities and behaviors that are centered around alcohol.

Recovery takes change. Big change. And early recovery means you can't do the things you normally do to be social, like attend parties.

You are not destined to fail, but you better start doing the things that support one's decision to quit drinking. Like that AA meeting you were going to attend, but didn't. Those are the activities you need to be engaged in, not parties.

ReadyAtLast

Welcome back just me. I had to avoid any drinking gatherings in the early days.good to see you back and don't lose hope or focus.

justme6263

Hi all, i hope you are well.

So I have been sober since the slip up with going to my friends birthday party and, while I still feel vulnerable, I feel like I know what i need to do. I have been keeping a journal and I feel a lot more clear minded when I get my thoughts on to paper. One thing, I will be attending my first AA meeting tomorrow evening and I'm very very nervous. I was just wondering what to expect when I arrive there? I'm a very shy person and I can feel the anxiety already when I just think about it.

Thanks for reading.

SomeSortOfHuman

Hi JustMe - Another one from the UK here. Also new to sobriety at just over 6 weeks - which is the longest I have been without alcohol in my entire adult life. Lots of good advice and support here.

Just wanted to say hello! Hope you are OK this evening. Great that you have your Dad to support you and good plan to give him your phone.

xx

Bird615

I'm very shy too, but AA is nothing to be concerned about.

You can just introduce yourself if you like, but you don't have to say anything at all if you don't want to. I forced myself to say something my first meeting because I felt that if I didn't, I'd never get the guts to speak up.

I can comment in meetings now but I only do if I really have something to say. I do much better talking one on one or in small groups of people I know.

You'll be fine.

CajunPrincess

justme - Hey, welcome. I relate to your story a lot. I am 25, and I didn't start drinking till I was 20. After that first buzz, it went quickly downhill from there. Five months after my 21st birthday, I got arrested, and I've never been in trouble with the law before. I was NEVER a normal drinker. There's other details such as me failing all my classes in college blah blah blah but that's for a different day.

I know you can do this. You just gotta have a plan. Change your routine & lifestyle. I'm only 62 days in, and it's gotten so so much easier already. Sobriety is *almost* second nature now.

I'm also a quiet, shy, anxious person. I've been to several AA meetings, and I can tell you the people at those meetings are amazing. You will go to the meeting and afterwards ask yourself "why was i so worried about that?" I really think you will love the meetings.

Berrybean

You can expect to meet other people who know exactly how hard it is getting to your first meeting. When you arrive someone (possibly someone doing the job of greeter, or possibly just a nice friendly person) will say hello, introduce themselves and ask if it's your first meeting. They will then give you any newcomer literature and an updated meeting list (if they have some) and more than likely sort you out with a tea or coffee.

The Secretary will start the meeting on time. It will start with introduction and you will have the opportunity to introduce yourself by your first name if you wish to. It will help others to welcome you if you do so, but you haven't got to.

Then things will be read out loud. Most likely the preamble and How It Works. Sometimes one person will read it all. Other times the sheet is passed round to take turns reading. If you don't want to read then just pass it on to the next person saying 'pass'. (You might even find that the sheet skips you anyway, so you can sit and listen and try to just stay calm).

When the meeting starts it kind of depends on the kind of meeting it is as to what happens next. If it's a Big Book or 12 and 12 meeting then there will be reading out of books, and afterwards people share about what was read and their experiences and understanding of that stuff (if the sharing goes round the circle you can pass, just like with the reading. If it's a share meeting then someone will do a big main share for about half an hour, then later people will have the chance to share back if they want.
Anyway. Whatever kind of meeting it is, you will not HAVE to speak if you don't want to. You will notice that we take turns speaking and do not interrupt each other, or talk about what other people said (cross share). If you have questions you can ask them, but chances are that people will come back to you with answers later on, in break or at the end of the meeting. In my first meeting I did feel very emotional and surprised myself with tears. Luckily I had some tissues in my pocket. Tears aren't unusual with newcomers, as it's quite overwhelming to be in a room where everyone seems to understand what you're going through, and is openly and honestly talking about alcohol and how it affected them, and the day to day challenges of sober living. Well, I found it overwhelming anyway, as someone who had build up a big shiny wall of false okayness to hide behind and had never spoken honestly to anyone about that stuff, or heard anyone else do so.

Oh yes, and at some point they'll pass a pot to collect money for meeting overheads. Newcomers aren't expected to contribute.

People may offer you their phone numbers so you can keep in touch with the fellowship between meetings. This might be to ask questions or help you get past a craving, but often just to say hi and touch base. You can say if you managed to say sober (or not). How your day has been. I prefer texting myself as I'm half deaf and find phone conversations difficult at times, but I think most people prefer the phone.

I hope that helps a bit. Any questions just ask away.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

justme6263

Hi all,

I thought I'd update, I am still sober and I feel great! I have the urge to drink still but I fjnd i can fight it now and get past that urge. I still feel anxious but now im feeling strong of mind and will.

Here is to sobriety and I wish you all well in your recovery.

Thanks for reading.

doggonecarl

And that AA meeting? How did it go?

Berrybean

Oh yes. How did the meeting go?

Glad things are going well.

Anna

So glad to hear you're doing well.

justme6263

Cheers guys.

Rhee meetings have gone really well, I won't pretend I wasn't nervous but when I got there everyone was really supportive and helpful. I didn't say much at the first one but the second meeting I said a hit more. Very glad that I have gone and it can't be a coincidence that the only time I have attended meetings is the only time I've managed to not drink for longer than 3 days.