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So here I am...checking things out...

Old 09-27-2016, 11:33 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Welcome Peggsysue.

When I stopped drinking my depression went and anxiety reduced hugely. It's still there but mild and manageable. I recently picked up again and have been a nervous wreck of fear, anxiety, self loathing, paranoia and angst since.

I know it will reduce after quitting again for me and it probably will for you too. Hope you stick around SR it's a great place
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Old 09-28-2016, 12:00 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi Peggysue!

Welcome to SR!

Like others have said, I thought in the back of my mind that I could quit if I ever NEEDED to, though my definition of need was rather fuzzy. I found myself too going through a lot of family and work stress and I thought alcohol was my only friend. Some friend, as I started having a drink in the morning while waiting for my coffee to brew.

I was a master of hiding my drinking, always having a half filled glass of wine that I topped off and gulped from the ever present box of wine in the fridge. Or, I had a can of Coke with me, usually filled mostly with rum. Though my wife knew I drank too much on occasion, she had no idea that I had crossed the line and lost control.

I found it so hard by the end, always calculating in my mind how much I could drink before I began to slur, or possibly had to drive somewhere, or how much I could drink and make it to work the next day. People don't realize how exhausting it is being an alcoholic.

I think you have probably hit your own rock bottom Peggysue. Not everyone has to wrap a car around a telephone pole or go to jail or get a DUI to hit rock bottom. When alcohol dominates your thoughts, it is time to seriously consider stopping.

I quit in my mid 50's. How I wish I had stopped at your age. Do it now!
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Old 09-28-2016, 02:55 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Just got home from work and thought I would let you all know I took the plunge and left a message for a clinical nurse specialist to call me back for an appointment. It's time. Not going to lie, also poured a drink to bring to the computer with me, but I think the fact that I even spoke out last night in this group gave me the strength to make that phone call....I hope she calls back this week.
I think the turning point was during our grand rounds meeting today, there is one director of rehab that is annoying as hell and she kept interrupting the dietician and I told her to be quiet, and stop interrupting. I am so not a confrontational person either! She looked shocked I even said it. And I'm not sorry really because she was being rude, and I am in a upper management position so it's not that I CANT do it, but I just never do! The littlest things annoy me now. And worst of all I found as the day went on I started to shake so now I"m like wtf, it's time...that's when I bit the bullet and made the phone call. I don't hide my drinking...my bottle of rum is right on my kitchen counter, my family knows, some of my close friends at work know I drink every night, perhaps not how much though. I refuse to lie to others because I'm only lying to myself. It's quite hard to be a health care professional (RN) and go through this because I know everything I shouldn't do...I just choose not to listen to myself! I do know the signs that say it's time to stop or you're going to die. I think it's time.
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Old 09-28-2016, 03:00 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome, and I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm glad you found us and have been looking around here a bit. There is lots of inspiration here for stopping drinking. I hope you decide that you are ready.

I always thought I could stop drinking when I wanted to, but when I wanted/needed to I was devastated to find that I couldn't. Unfortunately we never see the invisible line until after we've crossed it and then it's too late. In the end, I found it exhausting to try to hide my drinking and plan my life around alcohol. I know what the being scared feels like and it's miserable. We're here for you if and when you decide to stop drinking.

That is a point that hits home. Not wanting to go out because I want to start drinking...that is the bane of my existence....
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Old 09-28-2016, 04:56 PM
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You recently picked up again? I hope you can find strength with me then.... I never ever ever thought it would feel like this when I needed to make the change....I'm not used to not being in control...you guys are so wonderful for not being judgemental. My mind is almost ready I just gotta do it.
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Old 09-28-2016, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome, and I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm glad you found us and have been looking around here a bit. There is lots of inspiration here for stopping drinking. I hope you decide that you are ready.

I always thought I could stop drinking when I wanted to, but when I wanted/needed to I was devastated to find that I couldn't. Unfortunately we never see the invisible line until after we've crossed it and then it's too late. In the end, I found it exhausting to try to hide my drinking and plan my life around alcohol. I know what the being scared feels like and it's miserable. We're here for you if and when you decide to stop drinking.

(having trouble quoting...sorry)
You recently picked up again? I'm sorry to hear that but I'm sure I will be where you are. I hate knowing I need to change....thank you all for not being judgemental

Last edited by Peggysue102; 09-28-2016 at 04:58 PM. Reason: learning how to quote
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Old 09-28-2016, 05:13 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Just do it!!! I'll keep doing it right along with you Peggy. We've all chose to ignore ourselves through this.... You are certainly not alone in most of how you feel right now. It's great to see you posting tonight.... I think you're ready for this change too!
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:27 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Peggysue!!
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Old 09-29-2016, 01:56 PM
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I made an appointment with a clinical nurse specialist for both therapy and possibly medication. I go November 1st. I wish something sooner but hey it's a step. In the mean time I think it's also in my head to knock off the drinking etc, so hopefully just these steps will help me move forward. Thank you all for being so supportive!
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