Sephra

So, I am going to the second appointment with the counselor today. It will be a solo visit. I've been thinking about what it is I need to address in regards to myself and expect a hard session. Mainly the issue that as uncomfortable as I was with having ss spend the night, and how I just tried to deal with it, and not fight it, and husband still walked out regardless. yuck.
Between he and I, things have been better. He is making strides in not enabling. Mainly by avoidance. But it's been a good last few weeks anyway.
We saw stepson over the weekend. He has been staying with his gf's family and they are both trying to get clean. (Her parents also have drug problems, so not sure how that is supposed to work, but at least he is out of his area of choice.)
He looked wonderful. This is the first time I believe that he is working to get clean. Maybe "working" is the wrong word, but I believe that he hasn't used in a good couple days, maybe a week. His color is coming back, he was clearer. gf too.
Sadly, I think that now that they have gotten through physical withdrawals they think they are golden. I think the hard part is just starting.
His 5 year old son, that he no longer supports or sees much, is now living with a non-family member, as the mother is also homeless. We sat her down and offered to take him in to give him stability for the moment. She declined.
I get SOOOO angry that these addicts (kids or Adults or kidults) have children and can throw them away so easily. We had a conversation with ss about the fact that his kid is living with this other guy, and to be honest, he didn't really seem moved to do much of anything about it. WTF. Of course, he had no problem with US stepping up and offering to take care of his mess.

Seren

Hi Sephra,

How did your second appointment go with the counselor? I am happy to hear that things have improved somewhat with your husband at home. I understand how sad and frustrating it is to be married to someone who continues to step in and cover for their adult addict child. When I met him, my husband had something of that dynamic with his son, but learned to detach for his own sanity.

So is your grandson currently in foster care? It seems amazing that some random person can care for the boy. Is that something the mother did? If you think the child is in danger, you could work to obtain custody perhaps, although I do not know at all how that would work.

I hope your stepson will somehow finally begin to make better choices. Unfortunately, mine is currently in the hospital for alcohol and heroin. Please take good care of yourself!!

Sephra

The appt. was a bust. I didn't make another one. This guy, is not the guy to help me. Basically, his advice boiled down to "go to alanon" , "go out for ice cream or a movie more" and "pray more".
The last one was the deal breaker for me. At the very least, how bout ask how I feel about religion , before telling me the answer is to pray harder.
I told husband, we could find someone else if he thinks it will be useful, we are holding off for now.
stepson was doing really good for a week or so, but I think he relapsed yesterday, which also led to an arrest, biting the hand thats feeding him (gf's parents, who ended up reporting their car stolen) him missing for about 12+ hours, etc. etc etc.
The good news is, husband and I are still on the same page.
Regarding the grandson... he is with his mom's ex. So, it's not a stranger to him, a stepdad I guess, she claims she has a place and is taking him back. I hope so, I really really do. Too many kids being thrown away. It's god awful. We have fought through court for emergency custody before for grandchildren, not this particular one, and the judge who loves to keep families together, decided the kids were not in "danger" , so all it did was cause more family chaos. Not that we wouldn't do it again, just don't have much faith in the "system"