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2 days, it begins.

Old 10-14-2016, 04:43 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Good morning dear.

So fitting that I happened to find your response this morning as I prepare to go and speak to a large group this morning. My son overdosed from heroin just two days after Christmas 2014. As our community seeks to try to deal with this epidemic, I was asked to share his and our story. My anxiety is at a high pitch and reading about your moms life works has given me the courage to get myself out there and do what needs to be done. Mama is still touching lifes from the grave my friend and she is working through you. do you realize how very proud she is of you?? * tears flowing here*

Thank you so much.
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Old 10-14-2016, 03:27 PM
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Congrats on three weeks.
And thank God for moms. I would have been finished a long time ago if it hadn't been for mine.
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Old 10-15-2016, 12:27 AM
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Thank you for those beautiful words Ooona.

I have been challenged considerably of late concerning my future path. I think it's still too early to be making major decisions but am questioning whether a PhD is the right course of action for my future.

As I want to save the planet* as well as it's inhabitants (*do my bit) a science/arts career might be an excellent vehicle, with stand-up sowing the seed of the idea that recovery is possible, and the PhD to lend weight to my writing concerning healing &/or building soils.

But I'm seriously challenged as to whether I should go into the A&D field lately (been a little challenged for a long time).

I guess I don't need all the answers today. A better approach might be to get cracking with the steps, clear out some baggage and then see how I feel.

Spent so long not making decisions there's a sense of urgency that is possibly misplaced.

And I am aware how egoic the next statement sounds - it is difficult for me knowing I can do most anything I set my mind to - all of a sudden I feel I have too many options.

Easy Does It? Maybe....
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Old 10-15-2016, 03:24 AM
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Good morning! Well, yes with recovery so many doors open to us in terms of opportunities and as the fog lifts more and more clarity with come. No need to rush into making any long term decisions right this minute but its exciting to see you pondering your future......its WIDE open.

Not sure how things go where you are as far as the AoD field, but here, in order to be licensed you must have at least 2 years of continuous recovery. So whats in front of you, your current recovery is the most important task at hand
I believe that my higher power ( of my understanding) wants whats best for me always and will make everything clear to me as time progresses. Its hard to be patient with that process sometimes, but Im learning to sit quietly with it and just watch/listen for the opportunities as they present themselves.

Have a blessed day/night/ morning or whatever it is where you are
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Old 10-19-2016, 01:08 AM
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Shoulder's been getting painful but only off and on. Think I tore something in my last bout of training (several months ago). Pretty sure it's my rotator cuff which I'm trying to pretend it aint cos... tricky to fix.

No desire to smoke weed but it was my go-to for aches and pains. And - I think I need another doctor. The one I got, he's a pompous wee man. I like to call him by his christian name and watch him squirm he wants to be titled but has failed to impress me in a long time. Told him I still had night sweats coming off weed he said - that's not a thing - err, Dr, Derrr....

Had an even worse one at uni. He was high on his own supply so utterly bored and in love with himself you'd walk in and feel like you'd just interrupted the queen. But it was just some fool half on the nod stamping out scripts so people would go away and leave him to his grandiose BS.

What else can I moan about..

Told my supervisor off (in a healthy manner e.g. I felt like... when you.... in future I'd appreciate it if you could....). Anxiety was really high after that but he got back to me with an apology, he's very busy and I get it but he'd led me on a wild goose chase merely because he skim read rather than read my correspondence. If you have difficulty setting boundaries the above format is very powerful.

Life on life's terms. If I aint sticking up for myself then what - waiting for a hero?

Oooh - met another comic who's in recovery - YUSSS!!! He has a raft of skills I don't and vice versa. Can't wait to see what comes out of some collaboration - Gonna be crazy fun.

Took the advice to take it easy on making decisions. I can have a great life just working on studies and comedy, and of course myself. Looking forward to getting a bit more time up so I can go help out with hospitals and institutions service - I love it and have plenty of feedback that I inspire those poor young crackhead crackers

Better get cracking on the step work. No serenity, no preachy.



Rescuing myself, one day at a time.
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Old 10-22-2016, 07:16 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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30 days - I earned me a bit of plastic YAY!

Started exercising this morning after a bit of procrastination. Just walking for now and addressing my diet with slow changes e.g. eating breakfast, then making it a healthier breakfast over time....

Just walked another recovering addict through my garden which has barely been touched this spring but I got:

2 types of peaches, plums, avocado, feijoa, guava, macadamia nuts, bananas, taro, mustard greens, red beets, beet greens, bitter greens, silverbeet, spinach, kale, cauliflower, cabbages, brocolli, potatoes, sweet potato, chives, onions, leeks, garlic, lemonades, limes, parsley, cilantro, sage, rosemary, thyme, marjoram, oregano, celery, brussel sprouts....

There's more! Peppers, toms, aubergines etc, pumpkins, cucumbers and melons all sprouting to go outside soon. Flowers all through the food patches making it an overgrown abundance of beautiful.

It's not going to be hard to eat healthily.

Decided I'm not going to get a smartphone. There's too much exposure to EMF radiation in cities already. It's all about getting well again not keeping up with the Jones's. I'll follow the program, but not the herd.
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Old 10-22-2016, 07:48 PM
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Congrats on 30 days
D
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Old 10-22-2016, 09:49 PM
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Thumbs up!
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Old 10-22-2016, 10:13 PM
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Just had an unnerving experience. Gave a homeless guy 20 bucks and some Somali guy tries to claim half of it off him. Thing is, last time I saw that Somali clown he was trying to sell crack to random strangers in a bar. Total piece of ****. Brand new clothes, diamond in his tooth - made it clear he was about to have a very bad day if he didn't leave the man alone.

Bit shaken now - I really hate stand-overs.

I'm not stoned, I'm not even tempted, just a bit wired with adrenaline.
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Old 10-23-2016, 03:21 PM
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Congats on thirty days. And for standing up for the downtrodden.
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Old 10-24-2016, 03:20 PM
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Thanks Richie.

I spoke to another recovering person concerning this as I don't want to be aggressive. He mentioned that assertiveness was the healthy option and that type of thing would come out in the steps. So grateful for support I'm here to change not be the same borderline psycho i can be when using.

Asked my former sponsor if he'll take me back on. He's at work right now I'll hear back soon I'm sure. I want a man who is loving, generous, understanding and doing the program as best he can. Too many wannabe tough guys and angry men in the fellowship most fall over and get humility those who don't are just a holes, messages like how many years they white knuckled, how they don't make many friends etc bla bla how much money they make how much they've managed to expand their business (egos) bla bla - seriously don't want a bar of what they imagine they have.

I start step 1 written work today. Time to learn to love again, even the jerks.
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Old 11-10-2016, 12:32 PM
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Couple of weeks later. I met that Somali guy again and apologized for my aggressiveness.

'Be the change you want to see in the world'

My old sponsor never got back to me I got another one with 14 yrs clean time, a strong message and a long history of relapse before 'success'.

Am writing the step work out regularly.

Seriously considering leaving my masters project it is obvious i am only pandering to my supervisors ego and learning nothing at present. It also feels a little fraudulent the original data base came from my supervisor yet I'm not to mention its origins - dodgy!

Reasons for staying are all egoic - more qualifications to stick under my name. I have other (writing) ambitions that align with helping others and wish to pursue these more freely.

For now I've not made the decision I am just 'pretending' I have left the project to see how it feels/fits.

'Try before you buy'

Life is much better than it was using and I am very grateful. i am working hard on my recovery including enrolment in a two year long 12-step based group program.

'You get out what you put in'

Hope y'all are well.
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Old 12-12-2016, 04:48 AM
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Been thinking about you.

Hoping all is ok with you!

Check in and let us know whats up!
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