What is it with people in AA?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
miamifella, your post makes a lot of sense. But I stuck around the same meeting for several years, offering to help with this or that and got me nowhere. The reality for me is that those meetings were the best chance I had to connect with sober people. I just can't come up with any other place to do this and believe me I've looked hard. I drink now cause I have no support to not to. Not an excuse cause I don't believe in excuses. But finding sober people to hang around with would of helped. The truth is that nobody cares if I drink or not. I know the most important thing is to not drink for yourself, but sometimes that's just not enough. For example, I'm drinking now and nobody cares. Nobody is knocking on my door to see if I'm ok, or calling me to see what's up. This is not a pity party. If just one person from AA or anywhere would show some interest, that would make a huge difference, but it's not gonna happen. I don't think connecting with one sober person is asking too much but it's just not going to happen. It's just my life and I accept it. John
I am sorry that I have not been around. I hope you are okay.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
thanks miamifella. To be honest, I've been avoiding getting involved in other social activities like the one's you've mentioned. I know it's fear of rejection that keeps me stuck. Something I've been dealing with for a long time. I tend to take things to personally sometimes. Besides that, I'm doing fine. Hope you are also. Take care. John
I know it has been awhile, but I did want to suggest that there are churches, political groups, line dancing clubs, volunteer organizations, language classes and any number of groups where you can meet people who enjoy the same things you do, you might have an easier time connecting. Just because you share an addiction does not mean you are necessarily going to bond with people.
I am sorry that I have not been around. I hope you are okay.
I am sorry that I have not been around. I hope you are okay.
Good idea for all areas of life after our recovery is on solid ground.
I be came a recluse for a long time after I got sober took a while to rejoin my old church.
I still enjoy social activities like concerts and sporting events where I don't have to make conversation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 60
I've been compulsively reading posts for the last few days. This was one of them.
I'm here looking for support. I'm just getting to terms with the fact that I have to give up alcohol completely. I've spent the last two years researching a way for me to CONTROL alcohol. All the while....my life is getting out of control.
I had myself signed up for some creepy medical thing in Eastern Europe. Basically Antabuse injected into your body!
I'm so annoyed because I know better! My beloved sister died at 39. She literally drank herself to death.
I want to address specifically the original posters issues with the "low class".
I make a good wage. I have good benefits. I have citizenship in a country which is very generous in it's health and social care.
I have a very supportive partner.
We have the cash ( albeit temporarily) for a "nice" rehab place.
And..in some ways I do understand what the original poster means. I think this is holding me back! So I want to address it. I keep making excuses about the twelve steps. Like the first step. Powerless. @'m not ******* powerless!
And yet....All the evidence shows I am. I am keeping with the meetings. Despite occasionally getting annoyed.
Despite rejecting a more spiritual centred recovery initially I'm starting to wonder whether I should just let go...and let god...whatever that means.
I'm here looking for support. I'm just getting to terms with the fact that I have to give up alcohol completely. I've spent the last two years researching a way for me to CONTROL alcohol. All the while....my life is getting out of control.
I had myself signed up for some creepy medical thing in Eastern Europe. Basically Antabuse injected into your body!
I'm so annoyed because I know better! My beloved sister died at 39. She literally drank herself to death.
I want to address specifically the original posters issues with the "low class".
I make a good wage. I have good benefits. I have citizenship in a country which is very generous in it's health and social care.
I have a very supportive partner.
We have the cash ( albeit temporarily) for a "nice" rehab place.
And..in some ways I do understand what the original poster means. I think this is holding me back! So I want to address it. I keep making excuses about the twelve steps. Like the first step. Powerless. @'m not ******* powerless!
And yet....All the evidence shows I am. I am keeping with the meetings. Despite occasionally getting annoyed.
Despite rejecting a more spiritual centred recovery initially I'm starting to wonder whether I should just let go...and let god...whatever that means.
Oops. A convicted felon who hangs around with the dregs of society who are crap. Who is that?- Well it could be argued it is Jesus.
I was an academic in a doctorate program. I drank, nearly died- my family left me. I had a 'happy days life', once. I became the dregs of society. Sometimes people lash out because they do not understand others. If I can see they do not understand and have the ability at meetings to rise above this - it is my choice to be offended or not, provided it does not threaten my safety. There are always going to be loud and ignorant people in the world. I choose not to black ban all Americans because a few red necks spoil my day. There are heaps of Aussie one's too. All Freemasons are not part of a new world order. Generalisations for me are dangerous- it distracts me from focusing on the intent of going to AA meetings. Like SR- it is there for me to use as productively as I choose to make it. I would fault SMART, the priest, my counsellor- there are no perfect scenarios.
I was an academic in a doctorate program. I drank, nearly died- my family left me. I had a 'happy days life', once. I became the dregs of society. Sometimes people lash out because they do not understand others. If I can see they do not understand and have the ability at meetings to rise above this - it is my choice to be offended or not, provided it does not threaten my safety. There are always going to be loud and ignorant people in the world. I choose not to black ban all Americans because a few red necks spoil my day. There are heaps of Aussie one's too. All Freemasons are not part of a new world order. Generalisations for me are dangerous- it distracts me from focusing on the intent of going to AA meetings. Like SR- it is there for me to use as productively as I choose to make it. I would fault SMART, the priest, my counsellor- there are no perfect scenarios.
I've been compulsively reading posts for the last few days. This was one of them.
I'm here looking for support. I'm just getting to terms with the fact that I have to give up alcohol completely. I've spent the last two years researching a way for me to CONTROL alcohol. All the while....my life is getting out of control.
I had myself signed up for some creepy medical thing in Eastern Europe. Basically Antabuse injected into your body!
I'm so annoyed because I know better! My beloved sister died at 39. She
literally drank herself to death.
I want to address specifically the original posters issues with the "low class".
I make a good wage. I have good benefits. I have citizenship in a country which is very generous in it's health and social care.
I have a very supportive partner.
We have the cash ( albeit temporarily) for a "nice" rehab place.
And..in some ways I do understand what the original poster means. I think this is holding me back! So I want to address it. I keep making excuses about the twelve steps. Like the first step. Powerless. @'m not ******* powerless!
And yet....All the evidence shows I am. I am keeping with the meetings. Despite occasionally getting annoyed.
Despite rejecting a more spiritual centred recovery initially I'm starting to wonder whether I should just let go...and let god...whatever that means.
I'm here looking for support. I'm just getting to terms with the fact that I have to give up alcohol completely. I've spent the last two years researching a way for me to CONTROL alcohol. All the while....my life is getting out of control.
I had myself signed up for some creepy medical thing in Eastern Europe. Basically Antabuse injected into your body!
I'm so annoyed because I know better! My beloved sister died at 39. She
literally drank herself to death.
I want to address specifically the original posters issues with the "low class".
I make a good wage. I have good benefits. I have citizenship in a country which is very generous in it's health and social care.
I have a very supportive partner.
We have the cash ( albeit temporarily) for a "nice" rehab place.
And..in some ways I do understand what the original poster means. I think this is holding me back! So I want to address it. I keep making excuses about the twelve steps. Like the first step. Powerless. @'m not ******* powerless!
And yet....All the evidence shows I am. I am keeping with the meetings. Despite occasionally getting annoyed.
Despite rejecting a more spiritual centred recovery initially I'm starting to wonder whether I should just let go...and let god...whatever that means.
In retrospect I became grateful the resources and support were there to launch me on my sober path. Most alcoholics never get sober because they are unwilling to change. Acceptance is necessary but for me it was that willingness.
Annoying people are everywhere. I don't let them run me off SR or out of the rooms. It's not their problem, it's mine - I rarely allow others anymore to effect my disposition. That is true freedom/power.
And..in some ways I do understand what the original poster means. I think this is holding me back! So I want to address it. I keep making excuses about the twelve steps. Like the first step. Powerless. @'m not ******* powerless!
And yet....All the evidence shows I am. I am keeping with the meetings. Despite occasionally getting annoyed.
Despite rejecting a more spiritual centred recovery initially I'm starting to wonder whether I should just let go...and let god...whatever that means.
it precisely says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol"
it also says
'and our live had become unmanageable."
it is powerless over alcohol.
prolly would be wise to surrender. why not do that, give it T.I.M.E.
and see what the results of surrendering and footwork do?
We were powerless over alcohol...... is probably the most misunderstood part of the AA program. It refers only to alcohol, and it is past tense. I lacked the power to control my drinking, and I had lost the power of choice in whether I drank or not.
I could always stop drinking. Did it thousands of times. I could never stay stopped. The big book talks about this, saying that there is terrible damage when the alcoholic drinks which would be easily fixed if he never took the first drink, but alcoholism is characterised also by the absolute inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the wish. That is why we say the main problem centres in the mind.
So if I'm powerless, what do I need to do? Get some power of course and that is what the AA program is all about. It solves the problem of the mind by removing the obsession, and it provides a rewarding way of life that really works even in tough going. Today I have all the power I need to live a satisfying life. It is like I am a completely different person.
I never got the power of choice back BTW, the idea of choice is redundant as alcohol is about as attractive to me as petrol, and it wouldn't occur to me to drink that!
Total freedom from alcohol is the other element of AA. It means that alcohol and fear of drinking have no place in my life. It does not dictate where I can go or what I can do, who I can see, what can be in my home, it does not influence my decisions i.e. "I can't go on holiday becasue I might drink kinda thing"
Some will say I shouldn't hang out in bars etc, which is true, but strangely enough I have no interest in doing that, that whole scene has lost its attraction. There are many other things in life that have captured my attention.
It all starts with the realisation of powerlessness, and a sincere and sustained effort to find the Power.
I could always stop drinking. Did it thousands of times. I could never stay stopped. The big book talks about this, saying that there is terrible damage when the alcoholic drinks which would be easily fixed if he never took the first drink, but alcoholism is characterised also by the absolute inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the wish. That is why we say the main problem centres in the mind.
So if I'm powerless, what do I need to do? Get some power of course and that is what the AA program is all about. It solves the problem of the mind by removing the obsession, and it provides a rewarding way of life that really works even in tough going. Today I have all the power I need to live a satisfying life. It is like I am a completely different person.
I never got the power of choice back BTW, the idea of choice is redundant as alcohol is about as attractive to me as petrol, and it wouldn't occur to me to drink that!
Total freedom from alcohol is the other element of AA. It means that alcohol and fear of drinking have no place in my life. It does not dictate where I can go or what I can do, who I can see, what can be in my home, it does not influence my decisions i.e. "I can't go on holiday becasue I might drink kinda thing"
Some will say I shouldn't hang out in bars etc, which is true, but strangely enough I have no interest in doing that, that whole scene has lost its attraction. There are many other things in life that have captured my attention.
It all starts with the realisation of powerlessness, and a sincere and sustained effort to find the Power.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 89
I read through the last couple of pages and was thinking about the OP's comments and everyone else's.
These are my thoughts, for what they are worth. : ) When I feel all backed into a corner and am starting to hate everyone and myself I do a couple of things. 1) go to a meeting and talk to people, 2) go for a walk and talk to people I have never met and/or 3) I go and see a counselor.
The counselor part is very important (for me) because I need the outside perspective that they can provide. When my thinking gets way out of wack and I am upside down and backwards in my thoughts and opinions/ideas, I really need some redirection and (for me) a good counselor can help to set me straight. But definitely, other people are the answer when my thinking is getting waaaay off.
Peace and love to you my friend - you are not alone.
These are my thoughts, for what they are worth. : ) When I feel all backed into a corner and am starting to hate everyone and myself I do a couple of things. 1) go to a meeting and talk to people, 2) go for a walk and talk to people I have never met and/or 3) I go and see a counselor.
The counselor part is very important (for me) because I need the outside perspective that they can provide. When my thinking gets way out of wack and I am upside down and backwards in my thoughts and opinions/ideas, I really need some redirection and (for me) a good counselor can help to set me straight. But definitely, other people are the answer when my thinking is getting waaaay off.
Peace and love to you my friend - you are not alone.
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