Expanding

I started talking to someone casually but I realized that I kinda like this guy.

I don't feel ready to get back on the saddle and have told him this and he's respectfully backed off and minded my boundaries. Thing is... now I find myself being ten times more attracted to him because of this. Is this more of the push pull dynamic? This is what I thought at first but I wonder if it may be because he's respecting me... this is all so new... this, "someone respecting my boundaries" thing...

pndm07

There is always a little push pull. Neediness is not an attractive thing, particularly in the early stages of getting to know someone. It could also be that respecting your boundaries and exhibiting self control is a refreshing change from what you're used to. Have fun with it!

healthyagain

Expanding, how long have you been single? Or how early are you in recovery? It might be the novelty of meeting people, not necessarily push-pull dynamics, but it is nice to meet someone who respects your boundaries, isn't it? It makes you say wow, be more relaxed, discover"the whole new world."

Meeting new people, making new friends, discovering new things makes me high a bit. Have not been around men much, but I bet it would make me high 20 times more. It is very good that you are aware of your feelings.

Berrybean

I'm sure I read in the CoDa literature that people with codependent tendencies are typically attracted to people who are unavailable (or unsuitable). Could it be that as he seems less available he is seeming more attractive?

Or perhaps you're just learning to value people who respect the boundaries that you put in place.

Really hard to tell. This recovery malarkey does get tricky doesn't it. Have you got a sponsor you could talk it through with?