Goodtimes......lol!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 594
Goodtimes......lol!
Hello SR!!
Lots of new improvements I see here, The site is beautiful!! The many options for help is wonderful.
It has been a long time since I have contributed here. Life has been a bumpy ride of insight, learning, peeling back layers. The deeper I go, I see, in our program, "we realize we only knew a little" So there are other areas I have been researching, so I can be healthy and happy.
There is still a big part of me that is broken and hurting. It stems from childhood. We are all hurting children inside I think. Who wants to look at that pain, relive it to move through!! Not me!! I am fine being angry and bitter thank you very much lol.
The thing about our 12 step program is that, The something greater than us, doesn't allow this. Gently leading us to the mirror. Lifting our heads to see. How we can heal. How we can help others by our example.
I feel as if I am going back to square one. Digging deep, looking at the childhood I was alone in. I see that little girl and she is always in crisis mode. Why do her parents beat on each other anywhere they feel fit? Why doesn't she feel the need to tell mom or dad she is being abused by a teacher in pre school. Why is she so alone in this world, when her friends are so fitted well in. There are so many more examples I could list, new ones surface all the time now. Because I am trying to once and for all let go.
I have read and listened to Dr's in this field, very intense and interesting. There is actually a switch, some believe, the joy center of the brain, we can turn this off as children. So we don't have such a hard fall when the disapproval comes. Today I am searching for the switch without alcohol this time.
I have afforded myself my own beliefs, trusted my gut in how to deal with everyday issues. So many times I felt the need to "check in" with the adult (not me, anyone but me). There is a big difference between abandonment and being an adult. I always mashed the two together.
Oh my goodness, I don't even want to get started on the tiny steps to humility! I had some knock downs with this!! Getting right sized lol
Human compassion. Looking at people, as if they wanted to get over on me has been a life long thinking process. I started putting my compassion up front first, in every situation. No matter if I am having a hard day at work. This actually conserves energy lol Feeling peace and compassion is so much better than hostility. I'm talking just for me here lol In the long run everyone makes out.
So, this is me today,Thanks for letting me share
Lots of new improvements I see here, The site is beautiful!! The many options for help is wonderful.
It has been a long time since I have contributed here. Life has been a bumpy ride of insight, learning, peeling back layers. The deeper I go, I see, in our program, "we realize we only knew a little" So there are other areas I have been researching, so I can be healthy and happy.
There is still a big part of me that is broken and hurting. It stems from childhood. We are all hurting children inside I think. Who wants to look at that pain, relive it to move through!! Not me!! I am fine being angry and bitter thank you very much lol.
The thing about our 12 step program is that, The something greater than us, doesn't allow this. Gently leading us to the mirror. Lifting our heads to see. How we can heal. How we can help others by our example.
I feel as if I am going back to square one. Digging deep, looking at the childhood I was alone in. I see that little girl and she is always in crisis mode. Why do her parents beat on each other anywhere they feel fit? Why doesn't she feel the need to tell mom or dad she is being abused by a teacher in pre school. Why is she so alone in this world, when her friends are so fitted well in. There are so many more examples I could list, new ones surface all the time now. Because I am trying to once and for all let go.
I have read and listened to Dr's in this field, very intense and interesting. There is actually a switch, some believe, the joy center of the brain, we can turn this off as children. So we don't have such a hard fall when the disapproval comes. Today I am searching for the switch without alcohol this time.
I have afforded myself my own beliefs, trusted my gut in how to deal with everyday issues. So many times I felt the need to "check in" with the adult (not me, anyone but me). There is a big difference between abandonment and being an adult. I always mashed the two together.
Oh my goodness, I don't even want to get started on the tiny steps to humility! I had some knock downs with this!! Getting right sized lol
Human compassion. Looking at people, as if they wanted to get over on me has been a life long thinking process. I started putting my compassion up front first, in every situation. No matter if I am having a hard day at work. This actually conserves energy lol Feeling peace and compassion is so much better than hostility. I'm talking just for me here lol In the long run everyone makes out.
So, this is me today,Thanks for letting me share
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