AA and Sharing
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Kleida--You are sharing in a 12-step support forum, but Sober Recovery has other forums as well. You could put this under Newcomers to Recovery or any number of other headings.
That said, I am one of those who found AA to be less than helpful. But Sober Recovery has been very helpful. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are a lot of non AA people here.
Also, the problem you are having is a real one. And it is related to AA. So what is wrong with posting here under the 12-step support forum of SR. AA may work for you, or it may not. But I would say that if it does not, SR can be especially helpful for you.
That said, I am one of those who found AA to be less than helpful. But Sober Recovery has been very helpful. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are a lot of non AA people here.
Also, the problem you are having is a real one. And it is related to AA. So what is wrong with posting here under the 12-step support forum of SR. AA may work for you, or it may not. But I would say that if it does not, SR can be especially helpful for you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
You are posting on the 12 step forum. here's some links to other pages:
Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Secular 12 Step Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are alternatives to 12 step support (AA). These include SMART, AVRT, Life Ring, SOS, Women for Sobriety and some others!
Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Secular 12 Step Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are alternatives to 12 step support (AA). These include SMART, AVRT, Life Ring, SOS, Women for Sobriety and some others!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Kleida, I agree that AA is not for everyone. I went for a few months and stopped for partially the reasons you have stated. You may or may not find AA meetings that fit for you.
I hope you take a look at sugarbear's links above - not all of SoberRecovery is about 12 Step/AA. Just this section.
I hope you take a look at sugarbear's links above - not all of SoberRecovery is about 12 Step/AA. Just this section.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by Kleida 
I've requested my account be deleted D122y - I had no idea this was essentially an AA forum.
But wanted to quickly post and thank you for your reply. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
But wanted to quickly post and thank you for your reply. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
I vote stick around.
This place saved my life.
Thanks for the post.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
"Thanks Sugar Bear, " self-centered and scared" definitely rings a bell."
self-centeredness is a form of selfishness. don't focus entirely on the selfishness. I was appalled when I heard about the selfishness, too, then I worked with a sponsor and it was all explained well to me. I worked those steps and lost my obsession/craving/desire to drink and it hasn't returned in 5 years!
self-centeredness is a form of selfishness. don't focus entirely on the selfishness. I was appalled when I heard about the selfishness, too, then I worked with a sponsor and it was all explained well to me. I worked those steps and lost my obsession/craving/desire to drink and it hasn't returned in 5 years!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Kleida
What rubbish. Selfish? That's ******* hilarious.
I began drinking heavily because I did nothing but think of other people. I worked long hours and two jobs to support my unemployed partner, cooked and cleaned up after a family, supported my mentally ill mother through her episodes and cruel emotional outbursts, dealt with my dad's explosive rage and listened to my friend's problems. I even provided room and board, for free, to a depressed, unemployed friend.
Codependent? Possibly.
Stupid and vulnerable? Definitely.
Selfish? No.
Want some honest, decent, open truth?
The more of the Big Book I read the more I want to leave AA.
I began drinking heavily because I did nothing but think of other people. I worked long hours and two jobs to support my unemployed partner, cooked and cleaned up after a family, supported my mentally ill mother through her episodes and cruel emotional outbursts, dealt with my dad's explosive rage and listened to my friend's problems. I even provided room and board, for free, to a depressed, unemployed friend.
Codependent? Possibly.
Stupid and vulnerable? Definitely.
Selfish? No.
Want some honest, decent, open truth?
The more of the Big Book I read the more I want to leave AA.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'm another person that, in my first meetings, felt like a lot of stuff said was aimed at me. It felt like people had somehow got into my head and knew what I was thinking. Perhaps had even followed me, or knew me from when I'd been drunk. I was so self-conscious (just another form or self-obsessed I suppose) that it didn't occur to me that maybe my being there and saying what I said, and looking how I looked, and struggling as I was struggling, had likely triggered some genuine memories of early sobriety for the people in the room. Dishonesty is not uncommon in active alcoholics by any stretch, so I don't think it strange that you might have heard a few people sharing about that. It comes up regularly in meetings. I suspect that it's very unlikely to be all about you.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking about yourself less.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking about yourself less.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by Kleida
I've requested my account be deleted D122y - I had no idea this was essentially an AA forum.
But wanted to quickly post and thank you for your reply. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
But wanted to quickly post and thank you for your reply. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
If you do decide to stick around, you will find a wealth of support here on SR.
Its' not all about twelve step support.
Check out the other forums, as suggested.
I hope you're here now.
The 12 steps saved my life and made life worth living and then some.
That's why I and many others in this particular forum would suggest that you find a sponsor and work through the steps.
It worked for us.
It's not all about the meetings.
It's not all about a the book.
It's not all about drinking.
And at the risk of getting you to leave AA by asking you to read a bit more of the book:
Check out the personal story that starts on page 407 of the Fourth Edition.
Identifying with the one who wrote this story was one of the keys to my early recovery.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bi...ies_partII.pdf
ACCEPTANCE WAS THE ANSWER
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 106
All I can share is that when I came to AA I thought everything was about me. Turns out it isn't, who knew?! (Actually quite a relief). Not only did I have similar experiences to you- thinking that things said in meetings were directed to me, I got so angry the first time I read the Big Book that I slammed it shut after a few pages. How did the authors know so much about me?! Just happens to be since we're all alcoholic AND human we have shared some very basic experiences.
Definitely get a sponsor. A sponsor can help clear up ideas that get swirling in our minds and keep us grounded and connected to what I have found to be a useful tool in sobriety
Definitely get a sponsor. A sponsor can help clear up ideas that get swirling in our minds and keep us grounded and connected to what I have found to be a useful tool in sobriety
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 89
AA definitely has some rare bouquets, that's for sure. It can save your life, but it shouldn't necessarily be your whole life.
Yes, some people are very odd and yes - some people are incredibly strange and weird, but that's why our Creator gave us instincts, so that we can know that and run like hell away from the odd types. For any new comer, it can be hard but trust your instincts and keep moving forward. Over time, it makes more sense.
Yes, some people are very odd and yes - some people are incredibly strange and weird, but that's why our Creator gave us instincts, so that we can know that and run like hell away from the odd types. For any new comer, it can be hard but trust your instincts and keep moving forward. Over time, it makes more sense.
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