Smilax

Every day I wake up in the morning sure as hell that I can stop today. I have in the past. I write it into my calendar to stop. I make mental plans to. I feel I will easily be able to. And by the end of the day like clock work my resolve is gone and I'm drinking again. I know people have told me to make a plan and go to meetings which I agree I need to start. It's just so defeating. By the end of every day that iron resolve just evaporates :'-(

Jsbodhi

Took me almost a year to stop doing that.
It's demoralizing.
Just don't drag it out as long as I did.
You can totally stop the pattern xo

Dee74

I spent many mornings declaring I wouldn't drink...and then sometimes 5 minutes later I was off to the liquor store....

I had a really low threshold for discomfort - or at least I told myself I did.

The first time I beat the cravings was a real red letter day for me - I hadn't really considered I didn't have to drink when a part of me wanted to....

Good tips here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
D

AnvilheadII

it's a matter of committing to NOT drinking TODAY no matter what.
not under any circumstances, at all, period. whether you head falls off or your house burns down. just for THIS day. whatever it takes.

in AA they call it being willing to go to any lengths.

EndGameNYC

Being "sure" or certain is a conclusion of the mind. It requires no work at all and suggests little or no action. Sobriety is not about what we think or what we believe; it's about what we do.

I'd much prefer to die with memories than with dreams.

Mattq2

Yep I quit drinking every morning for years. By mid afternoon I had Confinced myself that tomorrow would be a better day to quit. Made a million diffrent excuses in my head. Some were unbelievably stupid

lovetolisten

These are great. Not easy, but simple. Carol D leaves a great legacy

desertsong

That was me, too. When you wake up in the morning with regret, shame, withdrawals, and no memory of the night before, the resolve is strong that you will never put yourself through this again. As the day goes on, and the "witching hour" gets closer and closer, the resolve begins to fade and you convince yourself that "this time will be different - just a couple" to take the edge off and feel better. I did that for years. I always knew if I could get JUST ONE DAY under my belt, I would feel better and my resolve would get stronger. And it always did. Until I blew it again. The pattern is very familiar for all of us. The challenge is to get that first day and keep building on it. Do you have a plan for that?

Jsbodhi

Yeah my big thought was " just one more night"
That never ends- ever

lovetolisten

I am so with you on this. I have been on that rollercoaster for so very long. I am new in sobriety and have somehow talked myself out of it for a number of days. I read recently (here) that no one has ever woke up wishing they had drank the night before. I have spent years swearing it off upon waking and then trolling for drinks after work that VERY SAME DAY. I'd string together some days of sobriety and feel so good that morning thinking I had beat it for good, get plowed that night, and start over. At this point, I don't think I can stand to wake up again with regret and a hangover. That's what keeps me going until the cravings go away. The only words for swearing off alcohol in the morning and having a drink in hand 12 hours later is insanity and alcoholism - but please do not feel alone in that pattern.

Mattq2

I think what scared me the most. To the point of bringing a grown man to tears is that constant battle. Fighting every single day to not drink. I was exhausted from fighting with myself. I was terrified that I was nearing a point that I was just to tired of the fight anymore and just drink myself into oblivion.

Delilah1

I could have easily written this post many times. It really gets exhausting, you start the day thinking I am not going to drink today." Then as the day goes on you start that inner argument: "I'm not going to drink.... But that little voice creeps in and starts planting ideas of drinking.

I would go back and forth in my head and then on the way home from work find myself buying wine and pouring myself a glass not long after getting home. It is a vicious cycle. I finally said enough seven months ago. The first few weeks were spent with the same inner argument, but remainkng sober won out. I planned out every minute of my evenings, I went for walks, to yoga, to the park with my kids, bubble baths, reading a good book, binge watching on Netflix.

You can do this, and I promise it is worth it.

Lightning Bug

When I used to find myself downing a bottle of wine at night with a full day of resolve not to it was always because I was uncomfortable about something that happened that I was not in control of. Could have been I missed a work deadline, my kids were acting up because my discipline wasn't good enough, or my husband was upset with me not doing enough housework. I am changing my thinking to combat this. I am working on how to improve these areas of my life so I don't pick up in order to cope. Implementing new behavior is hard to do, but we must learn these new coping strategies because as recovering addicts we don't have the option to use substances to ignore it. So, for work I am going to plan my time better and organize my projects better so I can meet deadlines. With my kids I am going to set up guidelines for behavior so they have clear expectations of what to do and what not to do and I am going to be consistent in enforcing them. With my husband I am going to lay out specific housekeeping plans and make sure I complete the tasks I say I am going to on a daily basis. This is hard to do for me because I have always been a procrastinator at work, the easy going Mom, and a lazy housekeeper. I didn't learn this overnight. These behaviors have been with me for eons. By setting myself up with specific action plans I am hoping to rewire my brain to change. Less stress will mean less chances for drinking.

Berrybean

Well, you've said the very two things I was going to suggest. How's about that?!?!


But..... are you willing to actually DO them? You could do both today.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html

MacW

I have done that so many times. If it wasn't so serious it would be funny.

Notimetoloose

That was me as well, every day I was quitting, or in the process of quitting or obsessing about quitting and then, sure enough, this woman who had clearly not got the memo would be driving to the bottle shop to purchase alcohol.
Never give up trying, there is a mind shift that can happen, a mindset that propels us into sobriety and then that is when the work can really start...
...good luck.

Dame

Ah Smilax: All the squares on my calendar that said "quit drinking today" weren't really commitments or promises, they were "reminders" easy to pass on the way out the door.
At the end of your day are you leaving work? Have you been busy with something? I would usually be very hungry, and that cool alcohol-flavored sugar called out to me and promised a little forgetfulness of a day's rough spots.
Is it warm where you are? How about going for an ice cream, and while you enjoy it think back to a carefree moment when you did the same as a child. Maybe have two. Then treat yourself to a meal. You might feel satisfied, calmer and clear headed once your brain and body get what it really needs. That's possibly one day without alcohol: maybe the rest will follow. Just a simple idea