I've started seeing a recovering alcoholic
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by samjamie16 
Sometimes I don't know what to think. I think about breaking it off but I don't want to. Everything about her I love apart from the drinking. Family, friends, personality, etc... Should I really let the drink (which she is trying her best to get rid of) spoil what might be a great relationship?
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Originally Posted by samjamie16
She's tried a few things like AA and generally trying not to drink. She's been keeping busy and I know it's not 'real' recovery but what is?! Everyone is different. She's also had CBT and hypnotherapy. She goes to church for her sins. Think she does all she can. I know it's hard for her. Pointless saying don't start a relationship because we already have. I'm obviously missing something here. Hope not but only time will tell. The marriage talk is just joking about, we both want to get married, we don't know it will be too each other we just would like t think it will be, what's the big deal?! I welcome the feedback 
how do you mean already that I'm
lost?
how do you mean already that I'm lost?
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I wouldn't have married me in early sobriety and at 7 years I'm still not sure if I'm marriage material even though I'm married.
Talk about hearing that Roberta Flack song!
I warn you, I am going to steal this line.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I'm so sorry for the position you both are in , this post makes me sad because I just can't see a way forward for any of you at this time . Your anxious state will perpetuate as you watch her round the clock and her chances of drinking again are much higher as she sees you are in an anxious state . Maybe give each other some time for now .
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
If I have understood your original post, you started dating this woman almost immediately she came out of detox. Where you both in AA, we would call this 13th stepping of the worst kind. 13th stepping is predatory behaviour.
Forget about yourself for a minute and consider that what you are doing with a very sick woman to satisfy your own dreams for the future will be making it extremely difficult if not impossible for her to recover.
Please leave her alone to get on with her recovery.
Forget about yourself for a minute and consider that what you are doing with a very sick woman to satisfy your own dreams for the future will be making it extremely difficult if not impossible for her to recover.
Please leave her alone to get on with her recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Originally Posted by Txjeepguy
Take a look down in the friends and family forum and see what you could potentially be setting yourself up for. For a minute there I thought you might be dating my ex. We hit it off strong and fast with big grand plans. Healthy people don't talk marriage two months in... We were doing that and now I know that should have been a red flag. Her alcohol problems were covering other problems. Think long and hard. If you're stressed and anxious 2 months in, it won't get better, only worse.
As someone else said getting emotionally involved with someone new to recovery is a bad idea all round. I'm sure you can understand why that is the case?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"how do you mean already that I'm lost?"
how many self loving people would jump head over heals for someone pretty much straight out of rehab/detox, bend over backwards trying to rescue them, and type what you've typed?
how many self loving people would jump head over heals for someone pretty much straight out of rehab/detox, bend over backwards trying to rescue them, and type what you've typed?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
I am less pessimistic than the others except to say that unless she is actively working on recovery (and "generally trying not to drink" is not actively working) you have no hope. So ask her if she is willing to go into an outpatient program with accountability or truly do AA ... If not, get some distance. Check back in a year and see how she is doing.
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