MissNewLife

Since February I've had two slips with drinking (each lasting two days - the last one just ended yesterday).

So in the past 4 months approximately I've had 4 days of drinking. Which in the grand scheme of my life is absolutely incredible, considering I was a heavy and every single day drinker for YEARS.

But I feel like now that I've relapsed, I'm caught in this shame cycle. "I failed - I'm a failure - I can't do this - why even bother trying then" type thoughts. I feel beaten down and filled with shame and guilt.

Am I allowed to focus on all those sober days I've been managing to add up and get happy and motivated for recovery again? Because I'm finding a really hard time doing it.

I could definitely use a pep talk if anyone is willing to give me one. I need to somehow find that spark to keep going and trying and giving it my all.

Help.

Anna

You are definitely not a failure! What I know is that drinking four days out of four months is not the same thing as not drinking. Of course, you can focus on the sober days you have had and feel good about that, but the disease will continue to mess with your mind as long as you allow it into your life. The shame and guilt will diminish when you stop drinking and that's worth fighting for.

firstymer

First, welcome to the SR family. I am glad you are here with us.

As to whether you focus on your relapses, or focus on your many days of sobriety, my suggestion would be that you consider thinking of neither. Instead, focus on today. And make a commitment each day not to drink that day. Develop a plan to help you accomplish that goal. You will find many good resources here to help you make a plan.

You have already demonstrated that you are able to get and stay sober. That is huge. Now, you simply need to work on a plan and you need to identify what is has been that has prompted you to relapse, and determine how you will deal with those triggers in the future.

Good luck. I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing

Delilah1

First, welcome to SR!!!

I agree that focusing on today is the important thing. What helped you to stay sober during the past four months? What led you to drink on the days you did? Maybe you can add some tools to your sobriety toolbox to help you the next time the thought of drinking crosses your mind.

teatreeoil007

Be proud of every single sober day you've had! They aren't discounted.

uncorked

I agree with teatreeoil. Every sober day counts! And it sounds like you've had a lot of them so you should be proud of yourself! I think many people quit drinking in stops and starts until they finally give it up for good. And yes, focus on today. Focus on now. That's all you can control for the moment.

D122y

How much are you drinking when you drink?

How did you feel the next day. Anxiety, detoxing?

Why are you drinking?

Crave?

Alone?

Social?

More curious than anything. I am not trying offer any insight or advice.

I will say that I look at myself as an addict.

I wouldn't smoke meth 4 times in 4 months once I was clean.

Booze is a legal addictive drug, that is glamorized.

breath

From AA; even if we're not "into" AA, some of it's teachings do ring true for many.


26
May
TURNING NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE
Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down,
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 184
In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing A.A., Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in meetings – "Don't take that first drink!" It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of, humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven.
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support you find here can help you get sober for good.

entropy1964

Well beating oneself up never helps, right? Toss out all that thinking that doesn't serve you. Be mindful that today is all you have. You can do this!

Soberwolf

Don't let shame keep you in the shadows don't let slipping become a thing as it will strenghten your addiction rather keep reaching out anytime you have a craving and strengthen your sobriety by getting through it and decrease the power of your AV as you know you can get through a day sober don't let things overwhelm you

Nice to meet you by the way

Dee74

Some great advice here missnewlife - welcome

a lot of us have all or nothing thinking - so a relapse is a full stop, where it really should be a comma...

you've had sober time and you haven't lost anything you learned or gained in that time.

Think of this as Recovery 2.0 - new and improved.

You know how to be sober - you just need to work out now how to stay sober....how to achieve escape velocity from the gravitational pull of addiction

what were you doing before? what might you do differently now?
D