fred59

you can stay sober, stay in the moment and be kind to yourself

Meraviglioso

You are not oversharing Kelly. No, this is not normal and it is concerning. Please go to the ER and tell them this and ask for an emergency gynaecological exam. They will be able to help find the reason why it burns when you urinate. It could be a urinary tract infection, or it could be the result of a tear, which would indicate a crime given your blackout state. There are emergency pills you can take if you think/they think intercourse took place- the Plan B pill to prevent pregnancy, and other medications for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, hepatitis and others. However, these pills can only prevent these things if taken within a certain time frame. I don't want to scare you, but when it comes to stuff like this it is best to keep a straight head and protect yourself. If you do think a crime took place, or the doctors do, they can call a counsellor for you to speak with as well as the police who will come directly to the hospital and the counsellor will sit with you and help you get through the report.

I am thinking of you Kelly, I really hope you can turn this around, I believe in you and think you can do it, believe in yourself.

Berrybean

Im sorry for what you've been through, but so glad that you've reached a place of willingness to reach out to AA and get some ongoing support. Meeting are just part of the program. The symbol fir AA is pretty self explanatory when you look at it. There are three sides to the triangle: Unity (meeting and reaching out to each other) ; service; and Recovery (the work we do). So, as well as attending meetings, i also do service at meetings, even if it's just helping set out the chairs or drying up the cups it does help. I found it much easier to open up and chat to people while setting up and clearing up than in more social situations. Nowadays I make myself available to support other members on the phone just like they do and did for me. I use the AA recovery prayers every morning, and often again at various intervals to get me through the day. I listen to AA Speaker recordings between meetings; I read recovery or spiritual literature; I read and post on here daily; and I do a daily inventory (admittedly not written as many people would advise) at the end of the day. I do these things because when I speak to my sponsor and others who 'have what I want' i hear that they do these things. That is how they 'work' their program. If I want what they've got, I know that I need to try to do what they do. And if I want it bad enough, I will find a way to do this stuff. Because recovery doesn't fall on anyone's lap from what I've seen and heard in the rooms and on here. Everyone who has it has worked for it. And actually, doing the work gives me far more every day than white-knuckling it or being actively alcoholic took away. So it does pay off more than it cost me in time and effort.

This is the link for the AA speaker recordings website that I use. It's completely free.*5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!

Here is a website with the different 12-step prayers on it. ..*Friends of Bill W. - Twelve Step Prayersfromthe Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

If you don't have much AA literature to read at home, no worries, most of it is free to download online...*Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous*, as is the 12 and 12, which I find really helpful...*Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

There is a really good leaflet that explains about sponsorship in AA and what you can expect from it... http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
I'd say, for now take the phone numbers of other women, and use them. Phone or text to touch base, to ask questions, or to just explain how you're feeling or if you're struggling. Meet people for a coffee and chat if they're free. Get to know people a little, and ask people (people who have a healthy and happy sobriety) What they do to keep sober. After a while you will have an idea of who 'has what you want'. I would suggest, from personal experience, NOT asking someone who is an AA buddy to be your sponsor. This can lead to very blurred boundaries, and it's great to have sober friends in AA who can be just that - friends. I actually chose someone who is quite straight and strict, because I know she wouldn't stand for any of my BS. And that's worked out well. I've also made some lovely new sober friends there who I can go for days out or a coffee and chat with, which I'm really grateful for. (I'd never had sober friends as an adult before as I always surrounded myself with drinkers).


Good luck. Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

KiKi0615

Hi Kelly,

I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. (((Hug)))

Kiki

Mac1

Hi Kelly.
I'm really sorry to hear that things are so awful for you at the minute. But it doesn't have to stay like this.
You sound like you are desperate for a change. So reach out and grab it. This site and in AA rooms everywhere you will meet people who have overcame drink - it really is possible

Meraviglioso

Kelly, how are you doing today? Thinking of you and sending you a huge hug.
YOU CAN DO THIS.

Kelly12390

Thank you all!!!!
Today, I am good. Well, I'm sober. I have been since. Day 4. I still feel like I'm just failing at this sobriety thing but I want to have a life. I'm 26 and I know it will kill me in the end- and quickly!!!!

I have an assessment next week to meet with counsellers, plus AA meetings. I'm very apprehensive about AA, it's the one thing I could never seem to get into as I find it very difficult to open up but I want to get sober long term again and I can't do it on my own, I've proven that to myself time and time again.

I come on here every day and find this a great help.

Thank you guys and here's to another day sober!!!! hope you all have a great Tuesday!

Berrybean

The only thing we need to open up at our first few meetings is our ears and minds. Listen, listen, listen. No need to say anything in front of the group if you don't want to. It's worth taking people's numbers (other ladies that is) if they're offered, and giving yours if asked for my someone who seems to be sane and sober.
I think some people feel that they need to tell details about what they did or whatever in meetings at AA. All the meetings I go to are mixed, so I choose to keep myself safe by glossing over details of some of my past experiences in meetings. But I have opened up to my sponsor completely (I trust her implicitly) and have chatted about things in more detail in private conversations with the closest friends I met in AA - sometimes to help me, and sometimes because I think it might help them. These conversations have never been in meetings. Sometimes meeting up at each others houses or cafes, and often in the car on the way to meetings outside of town when we share lifts. Sometimes our sobriety depends upon keeping ourselves safe, and discretion can be an important part of that.

That said, I usually hear at least something useful at every meeting I go to.

Kelly12390

Going to bed on day 4 sober and with some hope starting to come through. Thank you to every single person for helping to get here. I know it's only 4 days but I'm so glad to be going to bed sober tonight

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 4 days and hope you have a good night's sleep!

entropy1964

Day 4 is great. You're so NOT failing.

Don't let AA intimidate you. I don't share either if it makes you feel any better. I think the important thing is to get a sponsor when it feels right (most will tell you NOW), listen, maybe help clean up after. I can't just stand there and talk to people but I can clean up coffee stuff, stack chairs. It will get easier. Try other meetings too if you don't find a fit initially.

You're doing great!

Rar

4 days is GREAT! See, you're stronger and have more willpower than you thought. Have a good sleep and wake up to Day 5.

Para

kelly. I'm sending you a hug. I feel like you are relaying my story. I feel like you are me. Waking up in the hospital after a binge...i've been there.

thomas11

Great news Kelly. Just keep going, maybe set small goals to achieve daily or weekly or monthly. You're young, use it to your advantage.