teatreeoil007

So sorry you are feeling this way, friend....we are with ya and care about you....come here as often as you need to and express your feelings....this is a safe place to do so....many of us have been where you are and have felt how you feel....I feel confident that good things are in store for you as you close out one chapter of your life and embrace another...this is like a new beginning, even though it's tough today. I hate packing and moving anyway without any sadness that might come with it, so I can imagine how I would feel in your place. You're not alone though, we will be your 'packing buddies' ! Hang tight-you can do this....hugs!

thomas11

Hi FarToGo, Its very sad you are going through this, as you can see there are plenty of people here to offer support. I went back through your threads and it appears you have been sober for awhile (is that correct?). Its completely none of my business but did drinking contribute to this moving out?

FarToGo

Thanks so much! Incredible understanding and compassion. I love SR and all of you for being there for me.
xx

teatreeoil007

You're welcome, dear one.

FarToGo

Of course you can ask this and I'm glad to answer.
I will have been sober 14 months in a couple of days (amazing, really amazing for me!).
Tentatively I'll attempt to answer the next bit, (I maybe need less drama and more reflection to be sure) but I think getting sober has brought obvious issues more clearly into focus. The problems in this relationship could always be at least denied or shelved by my drinking them away (temporarily of course). I think being sober I have felt much more lonely, unsupported, disregarded, at times bullied and criticised and this last thing has been really increasing.
I really do need to get out, I've been sinking low in this relationship.
It's just so sad and painful and scary and maybe my feelings are extra intense now I'm sober, maybe I've not felt authentic feelings for such a long time.....................
Too much analysis and maybe too soon as well, sorry. But thanks again.
xx

Rar

"The problems in this relationship could always be at least denied or shelved by my drinking them away (temporarily of course). I think being sober I have felt much more lonely, unsupported, disregarded, at times bullied and criticised and this last thing has been really increasing. "

I was thinking about this very thing myself today regarding my own relationship. In the past, I would just drink to push it out of my mind and cheer myself up. You're right that sobriety makes you deal with these feelings. 14 months is very awesome.

Hevyn

Sending love across the big water, FarToGo. You're going to heal and have an even better life than before.

I don't understand people who can be stoical at a time like this. 10 yrs. is a long time to invest in a relationship. It would be odd to not feel the way you do. You're experiencing the pain with a clear head - not numb & foggy. It's something new for us - but we are growing and becoming stronger every day.

Dee74

(((FarToGo)))

D

teatreeoil007

"The problems in this relationship could always be at least denied or shelved by my drinking them away (temporarily of course). I think being sober I have felt much more lonely, unsupported, disregarded, at times bullied and criticised and this last thing has been really increasing. "

I think this is why a lot of people turn to drugs/alcohol....avoiding the issues in a way....trying to not have to deal with straight on; bare and honest ...it hurt sometimes...but good worthwhile change and growth usually requires pain and/or discomfort....better things are in store...keep that in mind: better things are in store for you!

FarToGo

Just woke up and logged on to read all the lovely supportive replies again, and the new ones (thank you!).
I've more of the same today and for a little while yet, but at least for now I'm strengthened on all your support and good wishes.
Go safe and strong all of you.
xxxxxxxx

Meraviglioso

Such good points here. FarToGo, I can so relate to what you are going through. I am not dealing with a breakup yet, but being sober- even use minimally and way behind your amazing 14 months, I am already starting to see things that I attempted to hide for so long. I don't know what will happen in my current relationship but I know I am unwilling to shove aside my real feelings anymore.
I know this is a difficult time for you, it is ok to feel sad, it is very normal, though I know you know this. Unfortunately the only thing that really helps is time- the one thing none of us can do anything about. Stay strong and dedicated in your sobriety and everything will unfold in due course.

You probably know this piece, but I am putting it here for you to read again. Chin up, stay proud of who you are and the decisions you have made to better yourself.


Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

FarToGo

Thank you Meraviglioso, I think this is the perfect time to be reminded of "go placidly", and to really read it for the first time in years. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Thanks to all of you I feel I can try to have my "chin up and stay proud".
Love and good wishes to you in your relationship M.
xx