Hevyn

I was the same way years ago when I first came here, Tbh. I knew what had to be done, but wasn't quite determined enough. The more I read & posted here - the more courage I found. I drank almost 30 yrs. & now have over 8 sober. I was exhausted from trying to manage the amounts I drank - it was so good to finally get out of jail. You can do it.

Wtbaf16

Each day is another opportunity to start again. I'm exactly where you are. It's hard but we just keep trying. That's all we can do.

Delilah1

Hello,

Lots of great advice already posted. I hope you will continue to post. I joined here in 2012, and struggled with maintaining sobriety. On NYE I committed that 2016 would be my first of many years sober, and I have been on SR reading and posting daily. I have built a sobriety toolbox from the suggestions of others.

My greatest support has been the January clas, having a group of supportive people who have committed to this journey at the same time helps. You should join the May class.

I hope you will keep posting. I will be looking for you on SR.;-)

Pondlady

I read SR for awhile, before I quit drinking and signed on as a member and began posting. Reading about other's experiences helped me not feel alone and gave me hope.

bluedog97

Continuing to drink when you know you should quit is the very essence of addiction. I did it for a long time. I finally had to go to any lengths - AA, counseling, journaling, exercise, etc. and of course not picking up no matter what. Find a plan and go with it, simply not drinking never worked for me! If I can do it, so can you.

madgirl

I personally didn't choose sobriety because I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink - I had been drinking for so long every evening (or close to it) that I didn't really even know what "sobriety" was.

What I did (and do) know is that I wanted my headspace and my life to be profoundly different, and as the old saying goes, "the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things and expect different results".

Choosing not to drink every evening is a leap of faith. Faith that if you make the daily choice not to drink over time, your headspace will change. Maybe literally every other thing in your life will be relatively the same, but YOU will change, and so will your perceptions of those things.

Does that make sense?

madgirl

I'm only about 70 days in, but I already notice a shift in my thinking and in my perceptions of things - and it is really, really cool and very very worth it already. I say this to give you a glimmer of hope that even in the first few months, your brain and your spirit will change and it's GOOD.

2ndhandrose

This was my experience, too. Please don't go away. Stay and use SR for inspiration and support.

I will pray for you

BixBees505

Dee: "That doesn't mean you're not ready - it may mean you underestimated the task of staying sober, but it doesn't mean you're not ready ."
^^^^^
This is what I recently came face to face with. I had definitely underestimated the task, and I drank. But I am surprised to say that this latest experience is teaching me things about myself that the preceding sober time did not. How deep is my resolve? How much discomfort will I tolerate? How thoroughly will I plan for glitches, and am I willing to follow my plan when the immediate pain fades? Honestly, the answers have varied day to day...but I KNOW I am trending to the better, to the stronger. I will never drink again. I've had my last binge. But if it is NOT the last, I won't quit trying to quit until I DO quit or I run out of chances.

I hope you stay and share with us on your journey, ToBeHappy.

whiteturtle

What a wonderful thread, and what a wonderful place SR is (such a vast understatement)! Tobehappier, I have relapsed three times since joining SR last summer. Every time, I felt like I didn't deserve to come back here...yet, when I did, I was met only with understanding and encouragement each time.

You are among friends, to say the least. Stay here no matter what.

MissPerfumado

The first time I was on SR I made it to all of 8 days. The something lacking was indeed that I hugely underestimated what I needed to do. I am not proud of the flippant attitude I had the first time around but it at least brought me here and for that I'm grateful. Sticking around, even just lurking and reading, can be very helpful because it'll teach you what you're really dealing with.

chrcarlson

I always quit for a few days then would decide to drink again. After not drinking for almost 6 months I realize my decision to drink wasn't entirely my own. The biggest part of my desire to drink was the addiction. At the time it just felt like a rational decision to have something I like and wanted.

Berrybean

Most of us have two voices in our head. And unfortunately in early recovery our Alcoholic Voice is the loudest. And you know, that voice is SO full of bull (in all alcoholics). That voice will NEVER be ready. If you wait for that to happen, you'll be waiting for the rest of your life. At some point we get willing to work on our recovery DESPITE what that AV says, shouts, whispers or sings at us. And we learn to not listen to its lies, and gradually it gets quieter and less frequent with its yowlings.

hpdw

Tobehappier , This post could have been mine , similarly I left SR and when I came back was made so welcome . The community here genuinely DO want you here . I don't know how many members are on SR but I'm positive that every single one of them know how you feel and want you well . The combined positive conciousness will be helping you right now .

Nonsensical

As he does so often, Dee nails it right out of the gate!

I first knew I had a drinking problem in 1986, but I didn't get sober until after joining SR. And even after joining here I had some horrific faceplants for a while. The whole time I was believing I must not be ready.

What a load of tripe.

I thought being ready meant I wouldn't want to drink anymore. I would just wake up one morning and a magical lightening bolt was going to hit me and cure my relentless thirst for alcohol. For 25 years I waited and hoped for that magic lightening bolt. It never came, because:

It. Doesn't. Work. Like. That.

You have to put in the work to find your sober path.

Get to work. You can do this.