SoulShine8

I'm sitting here on the couch, watching tv and playing some games online - watching the threads here on SR. Things are pretty decent. I am sober and not particularly craving. I will be going to bed here soon and don't anticipate not sleeping (I've been taking some melatonin in the evenings that has been working well-no problems).
But I just can't seem to feel ok as I think I should. I have this weird, nagging feeling like something is not right. Like I've done something wrong that I need to be worrying about. And I haven't...I don't know what I should be worrying about. Just an uneasy feeling. I'm assuming maybe this is PAWS.

soberaccountant

I don't know much about PAWS, but I know a lot about anxiety. We put our focus on something that may not even bet there, it's not even real--crazy I know. Today I was going through a lot of anxiety heading over to the county jail to be booked for my work release. The whole morning I was worried about how it was going to go, what they're going to say and do to me, wondering how I am going to do. It was all for nothing. I went in, I got called in to give my fingerprints, take a picture, and sign and receive a copy of a form so I can go tomorrow to start my community service. The sheriff lady was casual, didn't demean me or anything...just said some of us make mistakes and we learn from it.

Now I am worried about going to that work release deal tomorrow. The same exact worries as I noted above. I bet you tomorrow I am going to realize the same exact thing--it was all for nothing.

You're focusing on the thought that you think you may have done something wrong. Start focusing on what you did right today, how it went, and what you have to be thankful for. I am sure that anxiety will start to go away.

By the way, melatonin is awesome for sleep. I also found valerian root is helpful with anxiety and sleep as well.

DAB

Say the serenity prayer. I used to say it over and over again and before too long, the serenity would always come. That's what works for me.

sugarbear1

If you got sober on May 8, this isn't Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, it's just you without alcohol....in my opinion.....other than not drinking, what are you doing for your recovery?

For me, drinking was my "medicine" that made me feel okay in my own skin, without it, I was an anxious mess and I needed a "new solution" (other than alcohol).

SoulShine8

sugarbear I am leaning heavily on SR. I read here every day and I try to post when I can. I have started cleaning my house. I have a few books with support stories and quotes I read. I play online games. I am eating better. Well really I am eating actual meals instead of just snacking. I am drinking different things (tea, soda, water, chocolate milk, apple juice, coffee) all the time. I am taking melatonin for sleep and other vitamins (B12, magnesium,etc). I blog some and am starting to think about a story to start writing again. I've started reading again (something I used to enjoy a lot)
I am just generally keeping myself busy with things that are low stress to me and trying not to overwhelm myself with trying to be or do all things at once (which is a fault of mine which causes me to drink because I get overwhelmed and decide I need a drink).

Berrybean

Ouchie. I feel for you. Reading this post reminded me of that horrible anxious period where I just could not sit with myself, and in the end just did not want to live. You know in the big book of AA they talk of being restless, irritable and discontent. And that summed me up entirely - all my life - but especially noticeabley when I first got sober. I'm so grateful that I can sit with myself now. That is the serenity that we work for isn't it. I found that working the 12-step programme of recovery with my AA sponsor earns me serenity. Not earned. EARNS. Because it's an ongoing process. If I don't work my program then the old feelings start to rattle around again. If you read about PAWS most of the articles suggest finding a recovery program to work through the anxieties, and frustrations that will start to surface when we get sober.

whiteturtle

Soulshine, I am on Day 2 (of my fourth time quitting), but I remember the anxiety the first time I quit. I was about a month sober then before I relapsed, but within those weeks, I just felt so horribly unsettled and anxious and wrong. It was such an awful feeling, and it made it all the more difficult to look out for myself and to keep up the sobriety. I wish I had an answer for you, but I wanted you to know I can sympathize completely. I think things will get better, if we just keep sticking it out.

fantail

I actually came to kind of a break through with my anxiety when I realized that I would get the physical feeling first, then find a reason to justify it. Just as you describe it, feeling like I'd done something wrong. And then searching my memory and fixating on something. Since realizing that I try to be mindful of the anxiety as a physical sensation and cut short the mental process of attaching it to a narrative. Usually then I can do some breathing exercises to quiet the sensation. I read that in the army they use "box breathing" which is similar to a kind of yogic breathing I've learned. There are some physiological reasons why this is calming. Worth a try! I hope you start to feel better soon.

D122y

It is tough to put a finger on what makes us anxious, but based on what I have learned here, it gets better every day.

That is a main thought that kept me sober for over a year and counting.

My anxiety was maddening for months. It would occur during all parts of the day and night. If not for SR I would have relapsed 10 times,

Pretty sure it is a huge trigger, constant low grade anxiety.

It wears us down. My AV is still there, lurking, tempting.

Building a new sober life is what we talk about. From dawn till dusk. I am thankful and proud of my sobriety.

Additionally, now that I have been clean for a year, my wife and son both are fully aware I quit drinking. Even as a selfish alcoholic, that still sits in the front of my mind as a reason to never drink.

Accountability. If you don't have anyone to be accountable to, it is easier to relape. Hence AA and sponsers.

Remember, we are addicts. Alcohol is a highly addictive drug.

Traditional AA, what I basically have used, relies on a HP to help w the burden of anxiety. There are other techniques, but my area is AA. I believe in God.

Hope this helps. Thanks for the post.

SoulShine8

Thank you so much to everyone and their observations and suggestions. All were very helpful. I went to bed and feel a lot better this morning.

hpdw

Generalized anxiety symptoms:

a general feeling of uneasiness
persistently being on alert for danger
persistent worry
an overly cautious approach to life
a persistent feeling of being unsafe
overly reactive to things that you perceive could be threatening
many of the physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms associated with anxiety .

I have suffered general anxiety disorder (GAD) for many years good spells and not so good spells , summer is much better .
Im, no doctor but what you describe will fade . The best way is just to accept the feeling ,don't react , do something like scrub the house , clean the windows , get some exercise if able . Claire Weeks books are excellent .

SoulShine8

Thank you so much Thomas. I am looking up Claire Weeks to read.
Yes I've heard about GAD before but haven't really read up about it. I have joined another board for anxiety so I'm definitely going to investigate to see if this is a description for me to work with.

ScottFromWI

I was diagnosed with GAD about 2 years into my sobriety. I'm starting to accept that i'm simply an anxious person, and probably always have been - part of my drinking was an attempt to self-medicate.

The Claire Weeks stuff is very good, there's a ton of good materials to read and listen to ( podcasts, guided meditation, binaural beats, etc. Don't rule out seeing a therapist or counselor either, they can help guide you in the right direction.

blueberry2015

That restless feeling is very common, you have done the right thing to write it out here on SR, writing therapy as well as talking therapy has helped me loads so far on my journey. Im glad you are feeling better today x

LadyBlue0527

Great thread. I refer to this feeling as "I don't know what to do with myself right now". It's a feeling that's very much part of the process and passes.

I just went in search of this book and dove in. It's called Blackout by Sarah Hepola. Once I started to read the feeling immediately went away. If you think of things to do and find yourself turning your nose up at everything still make yourself pick and do it. Usually when I went through my list and nothing sounded good it was my brain trying to remove all possibilities except for one.

We all know what that is and don't want to go there!

Nofearnobeer

Soulshine, I am at 5 months, and I am enjoying this exact same feeling on top of everything else...Prayers sent out for you...And I see a mention of the serenity prayer above...Maybe I will read that 10 times a day, along with what I am already doing besides,,,Hang in there...

Nofearnobeer

Blackout? Hmmmmm....Anna mentioned reading in my earlier post, Thomas mentioned a book on Panic...Maybe I'll check out this book...

Sorry , didn't mean to hijack this thread..I think and type at the same time..