not out of the woods
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Originally Posted by zerothehero 
It takes a long time to rewire the brain. I've been sober for over two years, but had a couple of major surgeries last year that required prescribed opioid use. I found myself having to trash the extra pills because I wanted to eat them even though the pain had passed. It's been 8 months since my last pill and I thought I was over it. My wife injured herself yesterday, ended up in the hospital, and came home with a bottle of vicodin. She needs it and hates it. I don't need it and want it. That bottle is talking to me. I'm not out of the woods. Remember Philip Seymour Hoffman, R.I.P.
Temptations will appear. Hence one day at a time.
Sounds like u know the script anyway (the story script that is!) - course they will wink/sing at you.
Practically speaking does she need that many? Get rid, liberating feeling knowing you control the drugs not my vice versa.
How bad the injury?
Long term?
Watched this Australian debate last year where they questioning the validity of weed with the thc removed - medical establishment saying not validated why all the time saying yes prescribe opiates instead they are safer.
Now that is ****** up.
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Bottom line is most people who still use and have a drug of choice are full of **** about the so-called benefits of their favorites. The thumbprint thing is a recipe for disaster. I can tell you I got splashed in the eye from an eyedropper, like pretty much the whole tube of it hit my face. And I was already plenty tripping. Never been so gone. I remember watching myself pass out from above my body and seeing myself get caught by the armpits by a guy that was standing behind me. I was near blind for hours, unable to see through the semi-opaque screen of patterns and light, and I was unable to comprehend or use language like I was somehow pre-verbal or something. A mind without language and no way to form concepts about what I was experiencing. Then I was scooped into a car and was carted for two days across half a dozen western states and was still high. Took weeks before I could read again...
It's most dangerous for those who are already predisposed to psychosis. I know some who never came back and continued life on disability and lithium and whatever kept them from wandering off and freezing to death naked in the woods.
It is odd to talk about this on this website, but I still have those acid dreams, and there is the indigenous cultures who utilize various substances for their sundry purposes. X and acid were used briefly by psychiatrists for various purposes. It seems like in recent years the supply is increasingly sketchy. There's a group of chemists who go to music festivals and test drugs for people, and have found that more than half of the LSD sold at those festivals is actually not LSD, but some other new designer drug. I was gifted a hit of blotter a few years back and could tell immediately by the taste it wasn't acid. I spit it out but I still got some effect - and I wasn't pleased.
All street drugs are a crap shoot. Hell, pharmaceuticals from actual pharmacies aren't always legit due to sophisticated black market dealings. Creepy ****.
No, I do not recommend acid for anything. Lots of old acidheads decided after only a few years of use that people should switch to meditation. I agree. One can only blow their minds so far so many times before it becomes a problem. Aldous Huxley used to advocate for semi-annual trips, but I don't know if he changed his tune later in life.
The reason that bottle of vicodin and acid and alcohol and all of it isn't such a lure anymore is I've made friends with who I am and how I feel in sobriety. I have my moments of anger, frustration, hurt, and anxiety, but it's living with those feelings that makes me stronger, more aware, wiser, and more at peace in the long run.
Yeah, I toured with the Dead "Family" in the 70's and 80's and those were crazy and confused times. I would be a different person without that experience, but it also led to a lot of casualties and a lot of grief along the way. It's all part of the adventure, I suppose - the beauty and the tragedy.
Stay clean. Stay healthy. Stay sane. Stay alive. Stay loving...
It's most dangerous for those who are already predisposed to psychosis. I know some who never came back and continued life on disability and lithium and whatever kept them from wandering off and freezing to death naked in the woods.
It is odd to talk about this on this website, but I still have those acid dreams, and there is the indigenous cultures who utilize various substances for their sundry purposes. X and acid were used briefly by psychiatrists for various purposes. It seems like in recent years the supply is increasingly sketchy. There's a group of chemists who go to music festivals and test drugs for people, and have found that more than half of the LSD sold at those festivals is actually not LSD, but some other new designer drug. I was gifted a hit of blotter a few years back and could tell immediately by the taste it wasn't acid. I spit it out but I still got some effect - and I wasn't pleased.
All street drugs are a crap shoot. Hell, pharmaceuticals from actual pharmacies aren't always legit due to sophisticated black market dealings. Creepy ****.
No, I do not recommend acid for anything. Lots of old acidheads decided after only a few years of use that people should switch to meditation. I agree. One can only blow their minds so far so many times before it becomes a problem. Aldous Huxley used to advocate for semi-annual trips, but I don't know if he changed his tune later in life.
The reason that bottle of vicodin and acid and alcohol and all of it isn't such a lure anymore is I've made friends with who I am and how I feel in sobriety. I have my moments of anger, frustration, hurt, and anxiety, but it's living with those feelings that makes me stronger, more aware, wiser, and more at peace in the long run.
Yeah, I toured with the Dead "Family" in the 70's and 80's and those were crazy and confused times. I would be a different person without that experience, but it also led to a lot of casualties and a lot of grief along the way. It's all part of the adventure, I suppose - the beauty and the tragedy.
Stay clean. Stay healthy. Stay sane. Stay alive. Stay loving...
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
True. Never out of the woods. That goes for everybody, really. One poor choice...
The medicinal CBD thing has some merit (weed without THC), but more research needs to be done. The evidence is mostly anecdotal so far, but I would say let people try it and if it doesn't help they can use something else. I used it on a dog that was suffering, and it seemed to help her. Recreational marijuana is legal in my state, so I can go to the store and get whatever. Not a temptation. Even when I was suffering before and after surgery I didn't want to go there.
Anyway, wife is off the pills. She counted nine left and hid them. I don't know why she bothered keeping them because she hates them, but we live in a rural area, and if something happens on a weekend there's no choice but an outrageously priced ER with staff that don't know **** from shinola. So I guess it makes sense to keep them. It's over 100 miles to competent medical care. I'm confident enough that I won't go looking for them.
Take care and thanks for the engagement. I don't do AA so it's nice to communicate with folks who have lived the life.
The medicinal CBD thing has some merit (weed without THC), but more research needs to be done. The evidence is mostly anecdotal so far, but I would say let people try it and if it doesn't help they can use something else. I used it on a dog that was suffering, and it seemed to help her. Recreational marijuana is legal in my state, so I can go to the store and get whatever. Not a temptation. Even when I was suffering before and after surgery I didn't want to go there.
Anyway, wife is off the pills. She counted nine left and hid them. I don't know why she bothered keeping them because she hates them, but we live in a rural area, and if something happens on a weekend there's no choice but an outrageously priced ER with staff that don't know **** from shinola. So I guess it makes sense to keep them. It's over 100 miles to competent medical care. I'm confident enough that I won't go looking for them.
Take care and thanks for the engagement. I don't do AA so it's nice to communicate with folks who have lived the life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Hey Zero good work pal. The weed without the psychoactive component I am sure is a good drug for lots of conditions etc. the story of how marijuana became illegal in the US is madness. But I don't like weed (anymore) and haven't smoked it for years anyway but I can sort of understand why it's enthusiasts feel badly done to. I watched this debate in Aus and there was a group of anti drug folk who'd turned to marijuana as a last roll of the dice for their kids or they were ex police who had had bad injuries and marijuana (without the active bit) had saved them from massive opiate use -the medical establishment is a joke prescribing Uber addictive opiates for pain no probs but concerned re marijuana - there is nothing more dangerous than opiates IMO.
Problem is people talk about it like it all one and the same- we used to smoke resin and actually getting weed/grass was a rare event. Fast forward 10 years and it's the opposite with crazy strong super skunk everywhere which in my experience a full joint of skunk could be stronger than taking a tab of acid. You wouldn't talk about alcohol and lump drinking a glass of shandy in with drinking mentholated spirits but it all goes under one umbrella with marijuana. I've had mates get sectioned with mental health issues from smoking too much skunk, I'd say 80-90% of the friends I smoked weed with aged 16-23 don't touch it anymore. Getting paranoid all the time is no fun.
Pleased that you and your wife Sussed out a way of sorting it - that's pure remote where you live! Always best to share if your thoughts are running away with you - I'm recovering heroin addict and a few weeks back I was starting to think about it more and it was playing on my mind just putting it in writing here helped massively. Never out of the woods indeed!
Keep up the great work pal, in managing a dangerous situation like that so well - is a blessing that your wife doesn't use - stay strong.
Problem is people talk about it like it all one and the same- we used to smoke resin and actually getting weed/grass was a rare event. Fast forward 10 years and it's the opposite with crazy strong super skunk everywhere which in my experience a full joint of skunk could be stronger than taking a tab of acid. You wouldn't talk about alcohol and lump drinking a glass of shandy in with drinking mentholated spirits but it all goes under one umbrella with marijuana. I've had mates get sectioned with mental health issues from smoking too much skunk, I'd say 80-90% of the friends I smoked weed with aged 16-23 don't touch it anymore. Getting paranoid all the time is no fun.
Pleased that you and your wife Sussed out a way of sorting it - that's pure remote where you live! Always best to share if your thoughts are running away with you - I'm recovering heroin addict and a few weeks back I was starting to think about it more and it was playing on my mind just putting it in writing here helped massively. Never out of the woods indeed!
Keep up the great work pal, in managing a dangerous situation like that so well - is a blessing that your wife doesn't use - stay strong.
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Thnx man. I'm with you about weed. I liked it when you could smoke a whole joint and barely get high as opposed to taking a little pinchy and not being able to have a conversation. And that says something coming from an old acidhead.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
IME it's not the drugs - it's us.
Doesn't matter what it is, I can't use it. (And FWIW, been there done that, played in a popular dead cover band even).
I don't think I would be comfortable having pills in the house, hidden or not. Kind of like having a loaded gun in a house with a person who has a history of sudden suicide attempts. Except more dangerous. (For me anyhow).
Doesn't matter what it is, I can't use it. (And FWIW, been there done that, played in a popular dead cover band even).
I don't think I would be comfortable having pills in the house, hidden or not. Kind of like having a loaded gun in a house with a person who has a history of sudden suicide attempts. Except more dangerous. (For me anyhow).
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by IvanMike
IME it's not the drugs - it's us.
Doesn't matter what it is, I can't use it. (And FWIW, been there done that, played in a popular dead cover band even).
I don't think I would be comfortable having pills in the house, hidden or not. Kind of like having a loaded gun in a house with a person who has a history of sudden suicide attempts. Except more dangerous. (For me anyhow).
Doesn't matter what it is, I can't use it. (And FWIW, been there done that, played in a popular dead cover band even).
I don't think I would be comfortable having pills in the house, hidden or not. Kind of like having a loaded gun in a house with a person who has a history of sudden suicide attempts. Except more dangerous. (For me anyhow).
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by IvanMike
Thanks.
I do. I respect the disease and take appropriate measures.
Recovery is good.
I do. I respect the disease and take appropriate measures.
Recovery is good.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by zerothehero
Recovery IS good. I never thought it could be so good to feel normal and get past the rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows and euphoria and hangovers. The middle way ain't so bad after all.
Today I was pretty tempted to walk off the job and quit. Not the first time. It was a stupid impulse I didn't act out on.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by zerothehero
I was confused for a minute. I think you are agreeing that the middle way isn't so bad.
I only find it by bouncing off the walls, but the room has gotten a lot smaller over time.
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by IvanMike
I am. The center of the room is a good place.
I only find it by bouncing off the walls, but the room has gotten a lot smaller over time.
I only find it by bouncing off the walls, but the room has gotten a lot smaller over time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
