I'm close to thinking I can have a drink and it won't be a problem.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
Jeff I'm really glad you posted this and took us through it. I think a lot of us, well I know "I" go through this sometimes. I have sixteen months sober now, and frankly my AV does start up with me sometimes. I know I could take 'one drink' maybe today. But I know that would fill me with false confidence, and I'd do it again, maybe even successfully - but I'm certain that in no time I'll be back to it, and much worse.
It was helpful for me to watch someone else be honest about it. Trigger or not - it happens. I question, why do I want this thing? Why is it such an issue even as a sober person? Yes, I am still jealous of people out at the restaurant, sharing in a bottle of wine - and feel positive that they will wake up the next day fine, and have no repercussions. They will enjoy their wine, eat their meals, pay, go home - and likely not do it again for a while because they have no compulsion to do it.
That's where they and I split. I want it. They just enjoy it. I have to remind myself of this often.
Sobriety is still a muscle I am building. I am still not the person I feel I was meant to be, but I'm slowly getting there, avoiding the lousy advice my AV loves to dole out.
It's nice to not be alone. Just because we stopped drinking doesn't mean our brains are 'just fine now'. No, they are not, and they may never get back to the way they were before we became alcoholics. I'm also having a hard time accepting this. My drinking changed me fundamentally. I question every interaction I have, make sure I've not offended (way too often) and always question my husband to make sure my (sober) behaviour was ok. I guess because there were too many mornings where we had to go over the night before and I learned what Id done/said I still have this horrible insecurity about it.
It was helpful for me to watch someone else be honest about it. Trigger or not - it happens. I question, why do I want this thing? Why is it such an issue even as a sober person? Yes, I am still jealous of people out at the restaurant, sharing in a bottle of wine - and feel positive that they will wake up the next day fine, and have no repercussions. They will enjoy their wine, eat their meals, pay, go home - and likely not do it again for a while because they have no compulsion to do it.
That's where they and I split. I want it. They just enjoy it. I have to remind myself of this often.
Sobriety is still a muscle I am building. I am still not the person I feel I was meant to be, but I'm slowly getting there, avoiding the lousy advice my AV loves to dole out.
It's nice to not be alone. Just because we stopped drinking doesn't mean our brains are 'just fine now'. No, they are not, and they may never get back to the way they were before we became alcoholics. I'm also having a hard time accepting this. My drinking changed me fundamentally. I question every interaction I have, make sure I've not offended (way too often) and always question my husband to make sure my (sober) behaviour was ok. I guess because there were too many mornings where we had to go over the night before and I learned what Id done/said I still have this horrible insecurity about it.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Sometimes (like now) I think I post too much and maybe need to dial it back.
Your addiction, however - would love if you never logged on again. So would mine.
Recently in Newcomers you mentioned to a member that the cavalry would be coming soon to help them out. That really stuck with me.
Sometimes the cavalry comes to help you, sometimes you are part of the cavalry going to help someone else. All of us here, depending on the day, fall into one camp or the other.
Congrats on staying sober last night. (((Jeff)))
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I think threads like these are invaluable to you Jeff - I know you feel uncomfortable afterwards but there is some really great advice here.
Have you ever tried AVRT/Rational Recovery. No meetings, just books.
I think you'd gain a lot from learning to recognise your AV.
There were clear triggers here and people have pointed them out.
It's good to store that knowledge for a possible next time?
D
Have you ever tried AVRT/Rational Recovery. No meetings, just books.
I think you'd gain a lot from learning to recognise your AV.
There were clear triggers here and people have pointed them out.
It's good to store that knowledge for a possible next time?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by tomsteve
i understand ya love em both, but isnt what happened between them between them? why are you dragging yourself into it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think threads like these are invaluable to you Jeff - I know you feel uncomfortable afterwards but there is some really great advice here.
Have you ever tried AVRT/Rational Recovery. No meetings, just books.
I think you'd gain a lot from learning to recognise your AV.
There were clear triggers here and people have pointed them out.
It's good to store that knowledge for a possible next time?
D
Have you ever tried AVRT/Rational Recovery. No meetings, just books.
I think you'd gain a lot from learning to recognise your AV.
There were clear triggers here and people have pointed them out.
It's good to store that knowledge for a possible next time?
D
I will look into those books, and yes, I do feel uncomfortable afterwards.
And thank you to all who contributed to this thread, I've taken all the valuable nuggets and packed them away for future reference.
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