SadInTX

So I moved my stuff out of the house into an apartment yesterday. I was by myself through the whole process...my AH didn't want to be there...too hard for both of us...I guess it was better that way. It was emotional for me but needed to be done. The movers actually stopped by goodwill so I could donate a bunch of books, clothes, houseware that was sitting in boxes in the garage. And it was A LOT...felt very freeing actually. My boys and I are still staying with my friend until later today or tomorrow morning. No school or work tomorrow due to Presidents Day so I will have extra time to unpack.
I really do like my new apartment. But I am still sad for ending my relationship . I am sure with time it will get easier. I am mentally and physically exhausted...haven't been able to sleep very well.
It sucks that today is Valentines day...went to the store this morning with my friend...mistake...all these men buying cards, flowers, candies, etc. Ugh...and I love Valentines day...I loved giving my husband a card and making him feel loved. So instead I got my friend a thank you card...for being there for me when I needed a friend the most....hope everyone is having a good day today.

theuncertainty

I'm sorry for your hard day, SadInTX. Would it help to reframe the guys being out for very last-minute Valentine's? There's not a whole lot of thought there, kind of more like "She'd be so ticked if I didn't show up with anything!"

I worked in a gift shop through college. We'd see a huge influx of guys shopping the night before and morning of. They'd get the most expensive thing they'd see. 9 times out of 10, those large ticket items came back in for an exchange.

HHTexas

Hugs!! You're embarking on an amazing new beginning. Goodness knows it's not easy. I just keep trying to focus on my son and my brighter future.

Last night I drove by the movie theater and it was PACKED and I thought what the heck is going on?! Then it hit me... Valentine's day. And I'm alllll alone. Womp womp. Not gonna lie, it sucked. My hot date was a toddler at Souper Salad. But he's healthy and happy and my world. Good things are coming.

airwick

About 2 years ago I moved out w/my son during the x-mas season.
I felt alone--wishing it all would come to an end. I am a holiday person too. I baked cookies and gave a card to the postman. Now is that pathetic or what ? l.o.l. I had my first date last month. I invited an old friend I had not scene in over thirty years for dinner and pop. (If you would call that a date)

Things will eventually all come together. It took quite a long time for me to get out of the situation I was in, so it will take me awhile for everything to get back to a "normal".

Sober almost 2 years myself
I don't regret my decision one bit. Neither will you ....my boy is 14. Does not need to see a drunk dad

Zircon

Hi,
I can relate to how you're feeling. I'm packing my house up to move on Wednesday. Found old Valentine cards from my ah.
I had to get a protection order against my ah because of the threatening and verbal abuse.
I am very much alone in this move. I have my daughter helping me a little.
Not sure how I feel. Numb really. Hardest, most painful thing I've had to do in my life.
My ah doesn't want to quit drinking. I think he know he has a problem, but he's ok this it. Told me he did love me, at one time, but has fallen out of love with me. Funny, only about 3 months ago he gave me a card telling me how much he loved me .
So, you are not alone, and either am I, in sure there are many others doing the same thing we are doing for the same reason.
I don't usually post, but your words hit me right at my core and heart.
Take care of yourself.
Z

Bekindalways

Yep the pink, fuzzy, chocolate covered love of Valentines day is not the kind of love that we codependents have to practice but it still is love. (for them, for ourselves, for our families!!!)

Hangnbyathread

This right here!!!!! I was the same way when I finally got to the point of being done. They wear us down either intentionally or by our circumstance.

I hadn't slept good for months by that point.

You will start to find your peace again. You'll start to see and feel things with clarity once you get rested up. It took me a week of sleeping almost 10 hours a night before I began to feel like my internal batteries were getting charged back up again.

Once I realized I could go to bed in peace, rest in peace, and wake up in peace, and that became the new norm, the rest started to follow.

See where you are in a month. Then come back and read this. :-)

ladyscribbler

My last Valentine's Day with my ex was a nightmare. I ended up with bruises all over my arms from where he grabbed me and dragged me back into the house after I tried to run outside with our son because he was raging around the house on day 14 of what ended up being a 16 day bender. I had refused to have sex with him (not that he would have been able to perform) and he started screaming at DS3 about how I was worthless because I wouldn't *** him on Valentine's Day.
The neighbors across the street saw and called the police. Five cruisers showed up- a neighborhood record, we beat the scuzzy biker bar down the street. The police kept him away from me so I could put on some shoes, pack a couple of bags and go to his parents' house.
They kicked us out after a couple of days. He sobered up enough to send some flowers with the last of his money and they said I needed to go back and work things out because he was really sorry.
What made me really mad about that whole thing (which sadly was still NOT my bottom) was that I was imagining all the other husbands and boyfriends bringing flowers and candy and cards and hiring babysitters so they could take their ladies out to dinner and I was missing out on that. I thought (was totally convinced) that if he quit drinking I would be one of those women who gets flowers and candy on V-Day instead of an armful of bruises.
Not my favorite holiday. I'm having a birthday party for my brother today and enjoying a quiet day at home.

LivingLife4Me

yeah today really sucks. It didn't suck until last night. I had planned on buying myself some flowers and making a small steak with asparagus and some cheese tortellini and have some chocolate chip cookies later. I really was ok. Then XAH called last night and said that he wanted to see me and take me out to dinner today.

He hasn't called and he hasn't showed up. I have to get myself presentable from all the crying I've been doing for the last 30 minutes. I was fine until I got on facebook. Bad.move.

I can't believe I was so stupid to believe him, even for a minute.

Sue

ladyscribbler

So sorry Sue. I spent the last two Valentine's Days doing my taxes, and it was way better than spending one nanosecond with my ex. I think treating yourself is a good idea. And you'll probably feel better for having had a good cry, as much as it hurts right now.

Eauchiche

What has helped me today, is remembering this holiday for what it originally was; the feast day of St. Valentine, who was a bishop in the Catholic Church in the 3rd century.

healthyagain

I'm so sorry, but things do get better, eventually. It is the Valentine's Day that triggered you, and unfortunately, there will be more days that will trigger you. Birthdays . . . anniversaries . . .

Locations may start triggering you too.

What helps me is to embrace the pain. It is ok to cry, to let it out.

Last week, I drove to a park and remembered the time my ex and I spent. I choked up because he was not there with me. But next time I went, it was just the location I really really love.

Valentine's Day? Well, my ex has never really been into romantic stuff. I guess I should send him a thank you card for not creating any nice memories of holidays. On contrary.

But, just remember. Things will get great! And you will start rediscovering yourself.

(hugs)

AnvilheadII

i thought Valentine's Day pretty much ended by the time we hit our 20's???

i thought it was next weekend, hank asked me this morning, after some tv commercial - so is TODAY the 14th? huh, yeah, guess so.

we'd all be a lot better off not BUYING IN to yet another grab for our hard earned cash, being fed by commercial media that we MUST do this, MUST buy that, and if we REALLY love them we'll put a Lexus in the driveway with a big red bow. no wonder we're such a screwed up mess when it comes to what LOVE is.

healthyagain

Since this day triggers so many, I just have to add something.

Where I come from, there is really no Valentine's Day. Only very young generations started celebrating it recently, but it is so forced that it is almost pathetic. Just not part of our culture.

However, we have instead Women's International Day. It is kinda like this day, but every woman gets flowers because it is the special day for all women, especially mothers (no we have no Mother's Day either).

Well, here is my mom's wisdom. Why would I care for only one day to be treated like this, and then other days we are back to normal when women are treated as inferior? Women should be respected every day like this. Not only one day.

And it could be applied to Valentine's Day. One day you get chocolates. Tomorrow, he might make you cry.

But now you have a chance to make every day Valentine's Day and love and respect yourself.

Liveitwell

^ no truer words! That's like the abusers motto or out of the abuser playbook-look at me! Look what I did! I bought you flowers (or chocolate or insert any other "thing") and you don't even appreciate any of it!! You ungrateful b**ch. (cue crying wife bc no, those things don't matter when you know in your heart the next abusive episode is right around the corner). I lived that way for years. I would like to reframe it as Valentines Day-the day abusive men get to put on an act and then go back to normal the next day.
P.S. My ex and I never really celebrated valentines day-I think it's hogwash-it's total media BS and truly discounts what love is (psst-it's not buying make up gifts for your abused spouse) and the other 364 days of the year!

I'm sorry you are hurting.

hopeful4

Stay strong!

SadInTX

Wow...what Healthy said...woman's day...niw that sounds even better than mothers say since not every woman gets to become a mother.
I did have a a good cry that day...had to get it out...then I took a shower..put on make up and enjoyed my time with my boys. Our first night at the new apartment..it was peaceful...but still feels like we're staying at a hotel ..lol...unpacked boxes but still have a lot to do...one day at a time....
My ah still doesn't really understand why I left...maybe still trying to guilt trip me...good night everyone..tomorrow is a new day...