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Reflections on the past, and how to learn from it!

Old 02-09-2016, 07:51 PM
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Reflections on the past, and how to learn from it!

Originally Posted by ZeldaFan View Post
Congratulations and well done! Keep going strong so you can pass that 90 day mark this time!
In reflecting on Zelda Fan's quote I started thinking about just what made me screw up at ninety days originally. I just spent some time reading my threads from when I first joined SR in March of 2012, and found some good insight into my head (yes that can be scary!!))

I first joined in March of 2012, only made one post, and I remember this was after returning from a day at the wineries, and I had way too much to drink. It wasn't the first time I decided I was drinking too much, but the first time I made any sort of effort. However, that post sat alone until September, when I made one other post.

My first serious attempt began in October of 2012, I got involved in counseling, SR, Women for Sobriety, exercise, reading, family, and I fully committed to my sobriety. I remained fully committed through the holidays, and into January of 2013. About a week and a half into January I went on a family ski trip, and remained sober for the beginning, even hitting 90 days, it was then that the thought pooped in and I slowly started getting back to old habits.

During the rest of 2013 and through May of 2014 I had back and forth posts when I was coming on here, most of which started with something like "I have decided to stop counting days." "Day one again", "Struggling"

Fast forward to May of 2015 because I is t start any of my own threads for almost an entire year. From May-Drcember I had several periods of sobriety, as well as several health issues and major life events. It was like a constant battle inside my head "You should stop," "You are fine, there is no harm in a few glasses of wine." This battle went on in my head for a few months and by New Years Eve I was DONE with my inner insanity!

So since then I have been on here everyday. I don't always start my own threads, but I do post on others to encourage, and in the January class or weekend thread for accountability. I am using SR, WFS, Yoga, meditation, reading recovery books, healthy eating, and planned time with family to keep me on this path.

In reflecting my danger signs are when I stop counting, because I get complacent, when I stop logging on, because that means my mind is starting to turn those little wheels thinking I am just fine and don't need to worry about recovery.

Ok, so here is the point of my extremely long post. Recovery is a lifelong journey, and we each take our own path. However, we need to be able to take time to look back on our journey to see where we may have failed in the past, and set ourselves up for success moving forward. If you are struggling hang in there, reread old threads you have started, and find out what worked, and what didn't. For those just starting out, know that it is your journey to take, but you need to be willing to take an honest look inside, and be willing to admit that you cannot do it completely on your own.
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Old 02-09-2016, 07:53 PM
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Thanks for sharing that Delilah

D
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Old 02-09-2016, 07:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Thanks for sharing that Delilah

D
Thanks for putting up with me all of these years Dee!!
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Old 02-09-2016, 08:06 PM
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Old 02-09-2016, 08:28 PM
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Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream
and today can be what you make it to be --
but wishing and dreaming won't turn the trick
if the lessons you've learned each day don't stick.
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Old 02-09-2016, 08:47 PM
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Exactly Thump! I am definitely making a point to learn from my past. Hope your dreams return to normal tonight!
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Old 02-09-2016, 10:00 PM
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I hope so too, I'm in real life, not Magic Mountain.
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Old 02-09-2016, 10:49 PM
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The following summary from SoberTool, helped me conceptualize early warning sighs of how things start building for relapse (not sure if it's originally from another source...)

"Are you climbing the Relapse Ladder?"

Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease. The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again. The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top. The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse.

As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is…..

If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you. So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs. Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
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Old 02-09-2016, 11:26 PM
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Awesome thread & post Delilah
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Old 02-10-2016, 02:24 AM
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Love this post
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Old 02-10-2016, 03:01 AM
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Really appreciate these posts, both from Delilah, and Rally. Hits home, so true on every aspect. Thank you both.

Last edited by Stubbs16; 02-10-2016 at 03:04 AM. Reason: added sentence
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Old 02-10-2016, 04:50 AM
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I relate a lot! Thanks for this.

I like to go back and read all my posts every so often. This helps me not to get complacent. It's really easy for me to quit. It's just hard to stay quit forever. This was also daunting at first, F-O-R-E-V-E-R, but now it's so liberating.

So good to have you here and to see your journey!

We are always with you!!!
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:45 AM
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Originally Posted by RallyAly View Post
The following summary from SoberTool, helped me conceptualize early warning sighs of how things start building for relapse (not sure if it's originally from another source...)

"Are you climbing the Relapse Ladder?"

Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease. The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again. The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top. The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse.

As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is…..

If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you. So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs. Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
Thanks for sharing that! It is very true, and I have been guilty of most rungs in the past. I am chopping up that metaphorical ladder this time. Day 41,,,,,
And I am stealing the commas from a post I saw somewhere else because I am planning on continuing forever!!!
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:27 PM
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Thanks for all of the feedback, and Rally, thanks for sharing! Not sure if it is the summer like weather in Southern California (almost 90 degrees!) or just something internal but I have been in a reflective mood at work and at home.

Looking forward to continuing this sobriety journey with all of you!!!

❤️Delilah
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