sobermax

For me the most dangerous bit was a week or two after I had quit. Feeling better, 'was it really so bad' type thoughts would gain traction and before I knew it I'd be in the middle of some madness or waking up with the cold dread.

Sounds like you are making great steps E, so don't let those harmless-seeming boozy thoughts get their hooks in.

enfinthechange

Dead right there max...it's like that, but I know ..so they are background thoughts, easy to squash but need to take seriously or else damage. ... baking lots tonight to keep busy!!! Thanks x

enfinthechange

Day 23 done now...I have come a long way mostly thanks to SR.... thanks guys. Just got to watch I dont ruin it all by over confidence and AV trickery.... things are a bit better between me and my husband too... cautious and careful. I hurt him a lot, more than I thought he cared as it turns out.. more guilt then for me.... but it has kind of unmasked the deeper issues. ...it's if we can deal with them too. Got to try for our sakes and the lively lovely kids we made.
Hope u all well and jingling away....

biminiblue

Keep it goin' enfin. You're doing great!!

enfinthechange

Thanks bim. .. I just reread it all to reinforce why I am being sober. It worked... I could taste the shame... I do not want that again. Like sobermax said... it's easy after 3 weeks to rationalise it and say, hey it'll be OK now. ...it wasn't sooooo bad. Except it was sometimes.... very bad.

I am meeting friends in the pub tomorrow. .. I want to see them. I don't want to drink. .. it's a mix of non drinkers and heavy drinkers.... I have the excuse prepared and think I can do it. I'm going to drive.

Also it's back in the place of 3 weeks ago... in a twisted way I want to face it down and not avoid it. I want to fight the bear!!! (It's a phrase I use with my students ...)

If I feel too wobbly I won't go.

Hawkeye13

You can do it. . .

"Sometimes the bear eats you,
sometimes you eat the bear"

Where I first heard it back in the mad 1980s:

https://search.*****.com/yhs/search?...&hsimp=yhs-001

Dee74

I know the pub is kinda the default go to location, but any chance you could meet people elsewhere, Enfin?

Might make it a little easier on you?

enfinthechange

I did ponder asking them all to change.... but it wouldn't work. I'm going to sit by the other non drinker and tell her my tale... her husband was actually there on the night if doom! !!

Also I am a glutton for punishment and like a challenge. I an control this!!!!

Pib has WiFi so can be on here lots!!!

enfinthechange

That is life isn't it!!!

Berrybean

How did it go Enfin??

I like the 'together' word as well - I could never have got my 20 months sober without this forum and the lovely people at my AA meetings.

Hope you're enjoying the start of your school hols. I've just cleared out my wardrobe, and am having a 'winter clean' before I toddle off to donate clothes from said wardrobe to the charity shops in town and treat myself to tea and cake in the lovely teashop down the road. Planning can wait - I need some R&R and to restore some order in my little flat.

Take care