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Old 08-07-2016, 02:09 AM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Hang in there, Winslow. Try not to get discouraged. I felt so low the last time I drank so I understand those feelings of despair. You can get right back to being sober and building up days and confidence again. We can both do this! Chin up
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Old 08-07-2016, 02:38 AM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Winslow View Post
Well over 100 days went pear shaped, I drank yesterday I just COULDN'T ESCAPE MY HEAD! I'm so angry right now! I read around and get annoyed by chronic relapsers but I'm no different,I'm no better, maybe I got cocky overwhelmed by life, dunno what I'm gonna do now
Stop the self torture learn from it but do not dwell on it it's happened

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Old 08-07-2016, 02:47 AM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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Hey winslow - try and look at this as a learning experience - each time we go back to drinking we can make our plan a little better...

Maybe you need more support, or maybe you need to look at ways to ensure you ask for the support you have?

D
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Old 08-18-2016, 05:35 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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Day 4 again after a 5 day bender that I was afraid I couldn't get off of,once you start it is just too darn hard to stop,it's like this bag of Doritos I just grabbed, thought I'd have just a handful, then I figured one more handful wouldn't hurt,now the bag is empty and I feel nauseous, bleh
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Old 08-18-2016, 05:56 PM
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I need to document better what happened, after I drank on day 105 for 2 days,I dusted myself off and managed 4 days sober and was feeling pretty good, perhaps TOO good cuz I then decided to go get beer so maybe it's good to beat myself up a little better cuz if I just dust off,I think I can get away with it again, I can't! This last relapse was brutal,not the first day or the second, heck not even the third but by the fourth day I knew I had to stop the madness,I tried to "taper" the fifth day out but I just kept sweating it out,I begged my family to get me more,they wouldn't and thank goodness nobody did,although my daughter did offer to run on the down low, I couldn't have her go for me,so I went upstairs, took a benadryl and slept for about 12 hours straight, woke up shakey and hot but knew I had to hang tough,I drank tons of water and a protein shake with b-vits,kept a banana down,did laundry, water,water,tried noodles and a vitamin supplement, later threw that up,water,knew I had to eat so drank a bit of pepto and ate some pasta,watched tv with hubs until a suitable time,took a melatonin and slept sweating all night,woke up went to work foggy,groggy and jeez finally remember why I don't drink!! So that was my past 4 days,hard won days that I'm lucky to have.
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Old 08-30-2016, 03:40 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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Day 16,it's been a heck of a ride these past two weeks! I figured that I'd exercise hard to get the detox process over quicker and I think it backfired, on day 6 i had lack of sleep and too much exercise and I could basically feel my nervous system crash, I had to leave work early cuz I was in a fog and very shaky, came home and slept, slept,then all last week I had a cold or bad allergies so that is something to think about, obviously drinking destroys the immune system cuz looking back in my journals I see a flu,or cold symptoms worse after a binge,feel better now but still not sleeping the greatest, although I was never a great sleeper anyways
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Old 08-30-2016, 04:03 PM
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I hope the way ahead will be a little easier Winslow

D
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Old 08-30-2016, 04:25 PM
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It will be Dee,thank you friend.
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Old 09-19-2016, 06:34 AM
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Day 30 something, I'm so glad I wrote so much detail about the relapses on here and how I felt cuz I've been having dirty thoughts just a lot of small things going on and I've let them build up, I don't really know how to deal with stress except by blocking it out but then I get sideswiped! I haven't thought of drinking until this morning, how weird is that? Keep fantasizing about just getting drunk after work, that not good I don't want to go back,I don't want to feel stressed either it gives me the creeps, I gotta get myself balanced and just let this pass cuz I know it will but only if I don't give in to it,if I give into it then my brain is gonna know that all it has to do is whine and it'll get what it thinks it needs and the cycle will be kept alive, I really hate this addiction!
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Old 09-19-2016, 07:12 AM
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If your fantasising about alcohol remember exactly why you stopped drinking that's just AV it will tell you lies & a stack of untruths stay focused

You have done awesome just reading your posts inspired me
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:58 PM
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congrats on your milestone Winslow

I really had to work at building a sober life I loved, because just not drinking wasn't enough to satisfy me, or stop those fraudulent but rosy nostalgic memories from resurfacing.

what are you doing for your own happiness right now?

D
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Old 09-19-2016, 03:42 PM
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Winslow, please don't take what I'm about to say in the wrong way. It's my honest opinion and I'm saying it with the best of intentions.

You are a binge drinker. You have quit numerous times by shear force of will. Each time you have done so you have gone back to drinking. This has happened over and over again. I'm not pointing this out in order to be critical but in order to have you take a look at the pattern. If I have missed something I apologize in advance. It's just that I don't see much new in the current attempt, and that worries me.

There is an old saying, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different result". IMO success is going to require you to do something substantially different this time, NOW, before there is another relapse.

Dee's observation that "just not drinking wasn't enough to satisfy me, or stop those fraudulent but rosy nostalgic memories from resurfacing" is true, and it's true for 99% of us. The way you describe your drinking, I believe this also applies to you. I take that back. I don't believe it, I know it.

The single best suggestion I can make to you is to attend an AA meeting. I was like you. I quit too many times to count. Sometimes for a few months at a time. It never lasted. Nothing ever worked until I went all in.

Regardless of whether you go to AA or not, PLEASE do something different this time.

All the best to you.
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