sallyd

Long story short, I have been with my boyfriend for two years and have been on the receiving end of the usual behaviour of an addict for the majority of our relationship, I tried everything from an intervention to calling the police, a while back he relapsed and I couldn't take anymore so gave him an ultimatum. He phoned the Betal rehab in Watford himself and went there the same week. He gave up his flat and all his possessions. He's now been there for two months and will be there for a year. Although I'm pleased he has done this im not allowed any contact while he is there and the people there are not very helpful to me or compassionate at all. I have been made to feel like I am the problem and reason for his drinking. I want to know if there is anyone else out there either going through this or have come out the other side as my friends and family have no idea how this feels. Please help me.

Liveitwell

I have no experience with this (I wish my husband had stayed in rehab) but I do wabt to send you hugs and peace today-more will chime in with ESH. Have a great day

happybeingme

I am sorry you feel that way. They may think you were drinking right along with him. During rehab and typically for a year after they recommend that people don't have relationships. The rehab center may simply be trying to push you away. Please don't wait around expecting to pick up your relationship where it left off. This man may have no interest in you at all when he finally gets out. Live your life, go out with your friends, be happy.

theuncertainty

Hi, SallyD. 2 mos. into a year-long rehab is just at the start. I would guess he's still getting used to living there rather than 'outside.' I'm sorry that you don't feel that the staff were compassionate towards you. Really, their only concern at this point would be _him_. They're there to give him the tools he needs for recovery.

I'm glad you're reaching out for support for you, though. SR Friends and Family is a great resource. I'm not certain what other resources in your area would be... others here may.

You know that's not true, right? His drinking had nothing to do with you. You're not to blame.

sallyd

Thanks for your support, this is so hard, he is allowed to see his poisonous mother who has never supported him but I'm not allowed to even send him a letter and I'm the one that stopped him killing himself, it makes no sense to me at all. I need the support of others like me who have suffered living with an addict as I don't know anyone who has.

sallyd

Its the way they have made me feel, I have never been on the receiving end of anything positive from them, they keep repeating that its all about him, our whole relationship has been all about him, addiction is a selfish disease.

Sungrl

That last part unfortunately is very true. Let this play out as it does.

Don't take it personally and just live your life for YOU now, he has a long road ahead. There are no guarantees anymore.

AnvilheadII

another poster (nutmeg) is in a very similar situation - her partner is in a long term (12 month) rehab with no outside contact.

NYCDoglvr

I'm very sorry you're going through this frustration and pain. One reason they won't let you contact him is you're not family. But once someone enters rehab he is to focus exclusively on recovery and forgo outside contact. If he stays sober it's going to be tough because again, the relationship has to be put on a back burner while he focuses entirely on recovery. Please understand that this is a life and death disease.

I recommend Alanon, a program for people involved with alcoholics. It saved my sanity and helped me choose a life that I really want. God bless!

sallyd

Thanks for all your support, ive not received any up till now it means alot. Its nice to know I'm not alone. I'm finding this really hard and my anxiety is not helping. I'm getting paranoid about everything. We can only communicate via messages through his sister. I know he loves me otherwise he wouldn't have gone. His words to me were that he's doing this so we can have a better future, I know I should trust him more and have more faith but its so hard to carry on for a year without him.