Overcoming denial...YES THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!
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Overcoming denial...YES THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!
Reflecting on the responses I got yesterday from my thread 'disaster' it is clear that not fully accepting being alcoholic is/has being at the root of my problems. I found the following article about denial which I found usefull:
Addiction and Denial Come Hand In Hand
"There is conscious denial and there is subconscious denial. With conscious denial a person will deny the reality of their actions whilst being fully aware that they are being dishonest. With subconscious denial a person will deny the reality of their actions without being fully aware that they are being dishonest.
Addiction denial tends to be predominantly subconscious and can present itself in a number of different guises, some of which are more insidious than others. No matter how the addiction denial manifests, it inevitably delays the addict from finding recovery. Sometimes the denial is so fixed it causes the addict to pursue the addiction ‘into the gates of insanity or death’.
The red wine-drinking alcoholic will happily share an article about the anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds found in red wine whilst ignoring the sentence that recommends moderate use. (There is anyway no such thing as sustained moderate use for the alcoholic). The dependent pot smoker will claim that marijuana is completely harmless. The cocaine addict will say that cocaine is not as addictive as heroin. Here the alcoholic/addict is using rationalisation as a form of denial.
Denial Symptoms and Tactics: Another common form of denial is minimisation. The alcoholic and addict will underestimate the amount they drink or use; they will believe their problem to have endured for considerably less time that it actually has and they will not be able to see the true impact of their drinking or using on their lives and their health.
A further denial tactic is projection or blame: “You would drink or use like I do if you had my life!” The addict and the alcoholic will blame their using on their spouse or their job or their finances – they will find any excuse rather than take personal responsibility.
The majority of active alcoholics and addicts are unable to see the full reality of their situation because they will manipulate or distort reality as an ego defence mechanism; the truth is simply too awful, shameful or painful for them to contemplate.
Addiction and Denial Come Hand In Hand: There still exists a misconception that in order to be a ‘real’ alcoholic one must be foul smelling, unkempt and sleeping rough on park benches, or that to be a drug addict one must be emaciated and surrounded by used syringes. These misconceptions provide other ‘high bottom’ alcoholics and addicts with all the evidence they require to deny that they could possibly be suffering from the same addiction symptoms as these hopeless cases.
Eventually many addicts and alcoholics will reach a ‘rock bottom’, a point where they can no longer ignore reality. It is normally only at this point that they are ready to abandon their denial and admit that they are powerless over their addiction. At this point they often enter a 12-step recovery programme.
In order for recovery and healing to take place the addiction denial needs to be gently chipped away at and broken down. This is not an overnight occurrence, but a process that takes place over time. During the process, as the layers of denial are gradually peeled away, the recovering addict gains increasing insight into his/her addiction, as well as experiencing the freedom that comes with ‘clean’ and honest living."
Addiction and Denial Come Hand In Hand
"There is conscious denial and there is subconscious denial. With conscious denial a person will deny the reality of their actions whilst being fully aware that they are being dishonest. With subconscious denial a person will deny the reality of their actions without being fully aware that they are being dishonest.
Addiction denial tends to be predominantly subconscious and can present itself in a number of different guises, some of which are more insidious than others. No matter how the addiction denial manifests, it inevitably delays the addict from finding recovery. Sometimes the denial is so fixed it causes the addict to pursue the addiction ‘into the gates of insanity or death’.
The red wine-drinking alcoholic will happily share an article about the anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds found in red wine whilst ignoring the sentence that recommends moderate use. (There is anyway no such thing as sustained moderate use for the alcoholic). The dependent pot smoker will claim that marijuana is completely harmless. The cocaine addict will say that cocaine is not as addictive as heroin. Here the alcoholic/addict is using rationalisation as a form of denial.
Denial Symptoms and Tactics: Another common form of denial is minimisation. The alcoholic and addict will underestimate the amount they drink or use; they will believe their problem to have endured for considerably less time that it actually has and they will not be able to see the true impact of their drinking or using on their lives and their health.
A further denial tactic is projection or blame: “You would drink or use like I do if you had my life!” The addict and the alcoholic will blame their using on their spouse or their job or their finances – they will find any excuse rather than take personal responsibility.
The majority of active alcoholics and addicts are unable to see the full reality of their situation because they will manipulate or distort reality as an ego defence mechanism; the truth is simply too awful, shameful or painful for them to contemplate.
Addiction and Denial Come Hand In Hand: There still exists a misconception that in order to be a ‘real’ alcoholic one must be foul smelling, unkempt and sleeping rough on park benches, or that to be a drug addict one must be emaciated and surrounded by used syringes. These misconceptions provide other ‘high bottom’ alcoholics and addicts with all the evidence they require to deny that they could possibly be suffering from the same addiction symptoms as these hopeless cases.
Eventually many addicts and alcoholics will reach a ‘rock bottom’, a point where they can no longer ignore reality. It is normally only at this point that they are ready to abandon their denial and admit that they are powerless over their addiction. At this point they often enter a 12-step recovery programme.
In order for recovery and healing to take place the addiction denial needs to be gently chipped away at and broken down. This is not an overnight occurrence, but a process that takes place over time. During the process, as the layers of denial are gradually peeled away, the recovering addict gains increasing insight into his/her addiction, as well as experiencing the freedom that comes with ‘clean’ and honest living."
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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Totally agreed. I remember before, dry heaving, going through minor withdrawals, etc. I somehow convinced myself it was because I wasn't eating enough broccoli. Never entered my mind that it might, just by chance, be the 1L of whiskey I was pouring down my throat every 24 hours. Couldn't be that, must be lack of broccoli. heh.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Yes. To all of the above.
With the benefit of hindsight, honesty and good sober time, I can see how so much of this applied to me.
I'm grateful to have hit enough 'high bottom' time that I was unable to ride denial further into the abyss.
The good part about multiple DUIs and a family caring enough to intervene was that I had ample attention-getters and could no longer pretend or rationalize it all away.
With the benefit of hindsight, honesty and good sober time, I can see how so much of this applied to me.
I'm grateful to have hit enough 'high bottom' time that I was unable to ride denial further into the abyss.
The good part about multiple DUIs and a family caring enough to intervene was that I had ample attention-getters and could no longer pretend or rationalize it all away.
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I had a stranger form of denial. I knew I was an alcoholic, I was just unconvinced that the solution that works for everyone (not drinking) was necessary for me. I was sure there was some way I could establish some form of control that would work.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
I had a stranger form of denial. I knew I was an alcoholic, I was just unconvinced that the solution that works for everyone (not drinking) was necessary for me. I was sure there was some way I could establish some form of control that would work.
I think that's a phase of denial almost all of us went through.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Yep, acceptance changed my life as well. I set myself up to fail until I accepted I have a problem at my core. Over 15 months without a drink and I still have the same problem... just now I am better adapted to handle my problem.
Sad to look back at our denial moments. I can't believe I actually convinced myself that I was justified starting to drink at 10 am and then at work. Glad those days are gone!
Stay strong Al.
Sad to look back at our denial moments. I can't believe I actually convinced myself that I was justified starting to drink at 10 am and then at work. Glad those days are gone!
Stay strong Al.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I remember when I sobered up that I didn't ever think I was alcoholic neither did Mrs sw but looking bad I was denial hard its weird saying that as at the time I just didn't think that neither did Mrs sw but looking bad how could I not have been in denial I love that about being sober its so clear cut looking back
Great thread
Great thread
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Say yes
I'm thinking I've got to say yes to my universe
How can I move from A to B if I don't acknowledge that I'm at A..
I've been denying reality....and that is why I've got a bashed face now and the week off work....why? because I drank and alcohol and me do not mix very well....Doctor Jekyle and Mr Hyde...
Accepting reality.....it's like two prisoners who have been sentenced to five years....prisoner number 1 accepts the consequences of his actions....he accepts that he has to do time and sees the bigger picture......he'll put his head down and get on with his bird......he'll exercise.....he'll read.......he'll work........he'll take up educational opportunities.....he knows where he is.......he has a glare in his eyes that reflects that he is very much in reality and the present moment......
Prisoner number 2 feels like he has been done over........it was the lawyers fault.......the judges were unfair........he can't believe he has been sentenced to 5 years......he's fuming with rage.........his bird is going to be hard.......he's unstable......he can't accept reality......falls into a depression......drugs.......his eyes reflect despair......he's preyed on by bullies.....
Time to say yes to what is....
How can I move from A to B if I don't acknowledge that I'm at A..
I've been denying reality....and that is why I've got a bashed face now and the week off work....why? because I drank and alcohol and me do not mix very well....Doctor Jekyle and Mr Hyde...
Accepting reality.....it's like two prisoners who have been sentenced to five years....prisoner number 1 accepts the consequences of his actions....he accepts that he has to do time and sees the bigger picture......he'll put his head down and get on with his bird......he'll exercise.....he'll read.......he'll work........he'll take up educational opportunities.....he knows where he is.......he has a glare in his eyes that reflects that he is very much in reality and the present moment......
Prisoner number 2 feels like he has been done over........it was the lawyers fault.......the judges were unfair........he can't believe he has been sentenced to 5 years......he's fuming with rage.........his bird is going to be hard.......he's unstable......he can't accept reality......falls into a depression......drugs.......his eyes reflect despair......he's preyed on by bullies.....
Time to say yes to what is....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
So very apt. I've known I've had issues with alcohol for -- hmmm, like 8 yrs. Was too inert and hopeless to do anything about it, despite my husband's urgings. In September, my husband filed for divorce and took temporary sole custody of our son. That was my wake-up call to finally DO something about it and I'm going to a non-12-step rehab facility on Sunday. I kick myself for not doing something sooner.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by AlHowSoonisNow
I'm thinking I've got to say yes to my universe
How can I move from A to B if I don't acknowledge that I'm at A..
I've been denying reality....and that is why I've got a bashed face now and the week off work....why? because I drank and alcohol and me do not mix very well....Doctor Jekyle and Mr Hyde...
Accepting reality.....it's like two prisoners who have been sentenced to five years....prisoner number 1 accepts the consequences of his actions....he accepts that he has to do time and sees the bigger picture......he'll put his head down and get on with his bird......he'll exercise.....he'll read.......he'll work........he'll take up educational opportunities.....he knows where he is.......he has a glare in his eyes that reflects that he is very much in reality and the present moment......
Prisoner number 2 feels like he has been done over........it was the lawyers fault.......the judges were unfair........he can't believe he has been sentenced to 5 years......he's fuming with rage.........his bird is going to be hard.......he's unstable......he can't accept reality......falls into a depression......drugs.......his eyes reflect despair......he's preyed on by bullies.....
Time to say yes to what is....
How can I move from A to B if I don't acknowledge that I'm at A..
I've been denying reality....and that is why I've got a bashed face now and the week off work....why? because I drank and alcohol and me do not mix very well....Doctor Jekyle and Mr Hyde...
Accepting reality.....it's like two prisoners who have been sentenced to five years....prisoner number 1 accepts the consequences of his actions....he accepts that he has to do time and sees the bigger picture......he'll put his head down and get on with his bird......he'll exercise.....he'll read.......he'll work........he'll take up educational opportunities.....he knows where he is.......he has a glare in his eyes that reflects that he is very much in reality and the present moment......
Prisoner number 2 feels like he has been done over........it was the lawyers fault.......the judges were unfair........he can't believe he has been sentenced to 5 years......he's fuming with rage.........his bird is going to be hard.......he's unstable......he can't accept reality......falls into a depression......drugs.......his eyes reflect despair......he's preyed on by bullies.....
Time to say yes to what is....
Cherokee Legend - Two Wolves.
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
Day 2 now and I still haven't moved from the house. I'm going to have to tomorrow, to go to the hospital as I think I need an x-ray...starting to suspect I may have a slight break in a cheekbone...and then maybe to the copshop...
Day 1 was the 13th and already a little insideous thought "oooh the 13th as a sober date???" It got told where to go pretty quickly though, with the way I'm feeling...it makes no odds...the last time is the last time.....
Decent conversation with the mother and a sibling last night. I didn't mention any of this but I did mention other "lows" that I've been having with the disclaimer "life is ups and downs and right now I'm experiencing a down"
I'm usually a good listener....but last night I talked and talked....which is obviously what I need
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