VikingGF

He's a grown man, he can get his own drinks. You can surprise him with a nice meal, or a nice, sober wife! Time to find more productive things to do together- maybe gym membership or a nightly walk or a photography class.

PurpleKnight

No harm in saying it straight, and explaining why this is important to you as a reminder, as he might not be seeing this as a longterm change in your life!!

Other than that, I'm not going any where near a liquor store now I'm Sober should be fine!!

stevepearce

If you are comfortable buying it fine. If you are not then don't. I think the key is not to make it an issue for yourself.

Tooshabby

^^^ This is a crack up :-) But we all know guys can't multi-task (I jest).

You know, I'm not referring to your situation here nowsthetime, but I struggle to fully understand (I understand it a little) this whole 'normies don't/can't understand' business. It's not rocket science. My partner is a normie, but he would *never* ask me to go and buy booze for him. I mean geez, haven't they seen and experienced first hand what we've been through? What we've put them through? I dunno. I personally think it's a bit selfish for a significant other to ask a recovering addict to go and buy them the drug that caused them so much pain. Just my take. Maybe I'm just a bit spoiled by an exceptionally considerate partner. But really, I do think it's a bit selfish - almost childish (I don't mean your partner/hubbie specifically nowsthetime. Just speaking generally).

Edit: I should add that my partner has bought me booze when I asked him to even though I've pleaded for his help and he knows how I've battled. So it's not all sweetness and light over here :-)

Berrybean

Surely it doesn't need to be antagonistic. As long as you say it calmly, with a smile or a hug, and explain that you need to put your recovery as top priority, and spending time mooching around the booze aisles looking for 'quality' booze really wouldn't be fantastic for any of our recoveries, lets be honest!

I'm suspecting that it's not so much about you going and buying him booze perhaps, if that he's feeling neglected and missing surprise treats and being made to feel special, if that was one of the ways that you demonstrated affection for him in the past. Maybe you could discuss other ways to reintroduce elements of surprising and 'spoiling' each other. A back or foot rub? His favourite chocolate or takeaway? A date night? It is sometimes difficult for our partners when we decide to get sober, if drinking together has always been a big part of what the relationship was built around.

I know that it certainly hasn't been easy for my partner (we'd had 23 years of being drinking buddies and then suddenly I quit)- and although he's mostly been reasonable about it, in the last 19 months he's had some fairly childish rants. But I think most of them have come down to fear. He is frightened that now I'm sober I won't want to be with an old drunk (him) any more. Sometimes it even feels like he's trying to push me to the brink to make his worse fears come true so that they're over and done with. I've found that, as much as he doesn't want to hear my opinion, and accept my shiny new boundaries, as long as I say them in a non-confrontational way, and offer him reassurance that I still love him, after a little sulking he does come round. And while he's sulking I try to merrily get on with something else and be ready to move past any disagreement as soon as he's ready.

Nowsthetime

Good morning everyone and thanks so much for the feedback.

I think that eventhough he has seen me at my worse he just cant believe that I have a problem with booze. I think that he sees me eventually moderating eventhough I have been so clear to him that that isn't going to happen. I do believe that it is a childish fit to say that he misses those special surprises... That's why if I have this conversation I know I'm going to be angry but I do see his point. I really don't mind going to the licor store to get him a nice bottle of wine but then what? He is going to pout (to use Dee's perfect word) because he has to enjoy it alone and we are not "on the same level" his own words. He has dramatically reduced his drinking and he says he is happy about it (his dad has cirrhosis and is having lots of health problems because of it) but then he gets nostalgic and misses the "good all days". We did have some great times drinking together the problem was that we never knew when I was going to cross to the dark side.

I have been doing this for 19 months and as I have said before, it's just tedious to have to have these conversations! We are SO close and do SO much stuff together. I do t think that we need booze to bond. I really don't.

Thanks again and I'll keep you guys posted.

Nowsthetime

I like this thanks. The actual going to get the booze won't be a big deal. It is his pouty attitude that just makes me mad.

Tooshabby

Fair enough too.

Soberwolf

Nows tell him no straight up how is that antagonistic ???

Wanna know what's antagonistic ? asking a alcoholic to buy them booze tell him if he doesn't listen I'd suggest you put him upside down in the trashcan

Only playing but he really shouldn't be asking you that it's like Mrs sw asking me she never would I don't know its your life but it sounds as if he needs a massive wake up call