tanzanitelover

I know many people say i should leave my husband because we havent had a relationship in a long time .Maybe this is wrong but ive stayed so long and i have a nice home .Idont want to give up what i have hes not giving up alcohol if i stay away from him i can bear it and i feel im not going to live well on minimum wage he does his thing retired i do mine i keep out of his way i dont like living like this but i deal with it kids and i do vacations on our own mostly though amazingly we went with him 10days this summer he didnt drink and it was nice but strained as he got a little grumpy back to drink day after home.When hes verbally abusive i leave guess havent reached a break point yet.I get loneley for adult company met few ladies to have coffee in the past but i have found it difficult when they ask to come over i tell them divorced .I gave up meeting because dont like to lie why cant visit my home.I spend Christmas overseas he stays home cant take him as my family cant stand him plus i wont fly with him he was terrible when i flew with him and my family got abused when they used to visit.

LexieCat

You're not "nuts" but it sounds like a very sad and lonely way to live. And you've posted about how concerned you are about how this is affecting your kids.

What happened with your plan to meet with an attorney?

happybeingme

So, you have chosen a comfortable home over friends, family, a life. It is sad. You poor kids have no chance in life except to have the same kind of life. You and your husband are showing your children what life should be like. A loveless marriage, no friends, no family. But hey you have a nice home. That no one visits.

emilynghiem

If all you really want is the house, can you borrow or raise the capital to buy it from him, then let him rent it from you to stay there?

if he wants the money more than the house, maybe he might negotiate so you can both get what you want. Will your family chip in? is it worth the investment cost to buy it out? check the value of it, calculate the costs of transferring it, the taxes, and all other costs.
And see how much you'd have to rent it for to pay those costs and maybe make money off the deal. If it's priced right, you can actually make money buying it. One businessman I know will buy it under market value, then refinance it for its full value, then use the new loan to pay off the old one and pocket the difference tax free (since the difference between the two loans counts as debt that is not taxed, not as income that is taxed).

Talk to some financial, legal and property consultants, and see if there is some way you can both get what you want more out of the deal.
Best wishes and I hope you find the best way to make this work!

if you are not happy together, you could both be better off with other people. And there may be other ways to work it out where you can get the house.

Quish16

None o f us should judge you - but yes, it is a very lonely way to live. I can relate to a lot of your comments since I chose to stay with my husband who is much older. I had my reasons - mainly my beloved cats. All I can suggest is you try to detach and maybe go to Al Anon and get emotional support? But please believe me, it is a progressive disease, and watching someone a late stage alcoholic drink themselves to death is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. If he keeps drinking it WILL get worse. It is also not a pretty or easy death....take care of yourself though. When I posted 2 years ago, I did find the 'tough love' hard to take at times, but on reflection I can see often it was good advise but maybe like me, you are not quite ready to hear or act on it right now. Do seek legal advice.

AnvilheadII

if you had to choose a home for your children to stay in while you had to go do something else (firefighter, military service, missionary work....) would you pick YOUR home as it is today for them?