Heads-up to Self (and others)
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Ok now I have to look up a word, go to google translator, only to find out the word means translator. WTF
The old thinking has come out of the shadows and reared it's ugly head. Great opportunity to confront it. I will go first trying to deconstruct it then it's your turn.
hmmm, Snarkbunny, it seems you have not let this go. You list a series of accomplishments and a length of what you call being "good". Do you think alcohol is a reward? You need to reword that in your mind. "I am so glad some of the things I have been able to accomplish are.... Thankfully I don't drink as was able to participate.
un peu d'exercice pourrait aider. Je n'a pas peur de vous
The old thinking has come out of the shadows and reared it's ugly head. Great opportunity to confront it. I will go first trying to deconstruct it then it's your turn.
hmmm, Snarkbunny, it seems you have not let this go. You list a series of accomplishments and a length of what you call being "good". Do you think alcohol is a reward? You need to reword that in your mind. "I am so glad some of the things I have been able to accomplish are.... Thankfully I don't drink as was able to participate.
un peu d'exercice pourrait aider. Je n'a pas peur de vous
Last edited by silentrun; 09-05-2015 at 06:56 PM. Reason: How does that make you feeeeel?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by courage2 
606-0842
OK let's face it, I want to go on a tear. I've been real good for a long time. Brought in almost $2 mill to serve the public good (no small beans in my field, though it looks pitiful to you entertainment tycoons); acted all proper at sonny-boy's wedding, when mostly I was ogling the traductrice; treated my spouse w/affection in Paris, the whole Pont des Arts thing & all; and suffered through the sneezles. Must I shave my head or start piercing myself again?
!
OK let's face it, I want to go on a tear. I've been real good for a long time. Brought in almost $2 mill to serve the public good (no small beans in my field, though it looks pitiful to you entertainment tycoons); acted all proper at sonny-boy's wedding, when mostly I was ogling the traductrice; treated my spouse w/affection in Paris, the whole Pont des Arts thing & all; and suffered through the sneezles. Must I shave my head or start piercing myself again?
!
Unfortunately, the equation isn't simply one of addition. One doesn't tot up a sum (not even a sum plus a bonus for "more than the sum") by combining one's pluses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses. As you well know. There are threshold values, gatekeepers, and deal-breakers. Parts of the equation are contingent on other parts being present -- or absent. There are mortal sins and saving graces.
God do I hate when people throw my damn words back at me, but C you nailed it on that one.
PS -
Cow Robby was the first person to ever give me one of those here. I'll never forget it.... (((ROBBY)))
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
OK let's face it, I want to go on a tear.
if you want/need to go berserk, that should fit the bill?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Day 12 coming to a close. Thanks for cheering me on courage. I'm doing ok now, earlier felt like emotional wreck. Scared I'll be alone forever, scared I'll fail at this who knows how many attempts at sobriety, scared I'll never have a kid....thankfully it's mostly passed. I went for a walk, talked with my parents....feel better now.
So what's going on courage? Can you talk more about it? Share with us what you are feeling or going through. What's this urge to go on a tear about?
So what's going on courage? Can you talk more about it? Share with us what you are feeling or going through. What's this urge to go on a tear about?
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
1) AO, if you were quoting me, I have no idea what I was talking about. I often don't. Part of my treatment for myself is words, & I spew a lot of them. Thanks, though. 
You too, C You shouldn't cry, though. Save your feelings for good things.
2) Dee. re an extreme sport, I'm a chicken & very clumsy in sports. But I did just remember that as long as I don't own one, now that I'm not suicidal I can handle firearms. Yay! Something to look forward to!
3) SR, alcohol is not a reward, it's a place to throw myself. Same as work -- I don't get a lot of gratification from accomplishments, moving towards them just keeps me out of trouble. Currently I'm without a sufficiently fascinating place for my energy. I don't necessarily want to get drunk -- I just want to rip open a trashcan. It doesn't matter a hell of a lot which one it is. It's kind of a physical thing. My shrink would probably up one of my dosages but it's within safe limits as long as I can figure out how to direct it. See 1) above, words, which might or might now work, I'm sure trying hard today; and 2) guns, for instance.
I have a lot of trashcans. Opening up any one of them has consequences. Training myself to prefer to open the ones that don't hurt me or anyone else is the ticket. Working on it every day.
Kittycat, I'm more glad than anything that you made it through another day. Just keep on going. For all my plights and gripes as bad as Achilles, I'm better sober than I've ever been.
You too, C
You shouldn't cry, though. Save your feelings for good things.2) Dee. re an extreme sport, I'm a chicken & very clumsy in sports. But I did just remember that as long as I don't own one, now that I'm not suicidal I can handle firearms. Yay! Something to look forward to!
3) SR, alcohol is not a reward, it's a place to throw myself. Same as work -- I don't get a lot of gratification from accomplishments, moving towards them just keeps me out of trouble. Currently I'm without a sufficiently fascinating place for my energy. I don't necessarily want to get drunk -- I just want to rip open a trashcan. It doesn't matter a hell of a lot which one it is. It's kind of a physical thing. My shrink would probably up one of my dosages but it's within safe limits as long as I can figure out how to direct it. See 1) above, words, which might or might now work, I'm sure trying hard today; and 2) guns, for instance.
I have a lot of trashcans. Opening up any one of them has consequences. Training myself to prefer to open the ones that don't hurt me or anyone else is the ticket. Working on it every day.
Kittycat, I'm more glad than anything that you made it through another day.
Just keep on going. For all my plights and gripes as bad as Achilles, I'm better sober than I've ever been.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
What about writing a book? Or perhaps there is another form of creativity trying to invent itself? I've always had a hankering to learn how to caste glass. Love that stuff.
Way to go, Kitty. I'm scared about failing too. I've decided to write a list of questions I must read out loud and answer if (sorry, when) I feel tempted. Plan 'Z', or at least that's what it feels like.
Way to go, Kitty. I'm scared about failing too. I've decided to write a list of questions I must read out loud and answer if (sorry, when) I feel tempted. Plan 'Z', or at least that's what it feels like.
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
Hey AO -- I remembered! It's the threshold thing. Yes, drink's not an add-one. It's more like taking one step off a cliff. I'm glad you liked that!
P.S. There's an egregious "not" that slipped into one of my posts here. If anyone finds it, please excise it.
I woke up plotting, but not, for once, for an alcoholic spree. How's everyone else today?
P.S. There's an egregious "not" that slipped into one of my posts here. If anyone finds it, please excise it.
I woke up plotting, but not, for once, for an alcoholic spree. How's everyone else today?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
That sounds great, Courage!
One word for me right now - insomnia. 2.50 in the morning and have work tomorrow. Pill just starting to take effect, thankfully. Will check in tomorrow. Have a great day everyone :-D
One word for me right now - insomnia. 2.50 in the morning and have work tomorrow. Pill just starting to take effect, thankfully. Will check in tomorrow. Have a great day everyone :-D
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
2shabby, I hope you're sleeping now. I don't suffer from insomnia, but I'm not sleeping well the last couple of nights -- I had a dream the other night where I told my good old dead dad that if he didn't get out of my way, I'd punch him in the gut. 
I don't think I'd ever threatened a ghost before!
I don't think I'd ever threatened a ghost before! Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Did get some sleep eventually, thanks. Not much, but this coffee is helping 
That dream sounds highly symbolic. I'm no analyst, and we can only interpret own own dreams, but if I had that dream I might think....something that has an amount of authority over me is 'blocking my path'. I'm not happy about it, but I am aware of my own power to fight it
That dream sounds highly symbolic. I'm no analyst, and we can only interpret own own dreams, but if I had that dream I might think....something that has an amount of authority over me is 'blocking my path'. I'm not happy about it, but I am aware of my own power to fight it
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