The Language of Letting Go, August 30
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The Language of Letting Go, August 30
AUGUST 30
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Accepting Our Best
We don't have to do it any better than we can - ever.
Do our best for the moment, and then let it go. If we have to redo it, we can do our best in another moment, later.
We can never do more or better than we are able to do at the moment. We punish ourselves and make ourselves feel crazy by expecting more than our reasonable best for now.
Striving for excellence is a positive quality.
Striving for perfection is self-defeating.
Did someone tell us or expect us to do or give or be more? Did someone always withhold approval?
There comes a time when we feel we have done our best. When that time comes, let it go.
There are days when our best is less than we hoped for. Let those times go too. Start over tomorrow. Work things through, until our best becomes better.
Empowering and complimenting ourselves will not make us lazy. It will nurture us and enable us to give, do, and be our best.
Today, I will do my best, and then let it go. Higher Power, help me stop criticizing myself so I can start appreciating how far I've come.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Accepting Our Best
We don't have to do it any better than we can - ever.
Do our best for the moment, and then let it go. If we have to redo it, we can do our best in another moment, later.
We can never do more or better than we are able to do at the moment. We punish ourselves and make ourselves feel crazy by expecting more than our reasonable best for now.
Striving for excellence is a positive quality.
Striving for perfection is self-defeating.
Did someone tell us or expect us to do or give or be more? Did someone always withhold approval?
There comes a time when we feel we have done our best. When that time comes, let it go.
There are days when our best is less than we hoped for. Let those times go too. Start over tomorrow. Work things through, until our best becomes better.
Empowering and complimenting ourselves will not make us lazy. It will nurture us and enable us to give, do, and be our best.
Today, I will do my best, and then let it go. Higher Power, help me stop criticizing myself so I can start appreciating how far I've come.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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This post is so opposite what I grew up with and how I've treated myself every day of the 55 years I've been alive. Doing the best I can do at that moment--and accepting that it really IS the best I can do at that moment--is totally foreign to me. So is extending that same grace to others.
I have to believe that incorporating this knowledge into my life is going to make a gigantic difference in how I perceive myself and others, and in the amount of kindness with which I can treat them as well as myself.
Doing the best I can today, and being OK w/it....hope you all are doing the same.
I have to believe that incorporating this knowledge into my life is going to make a gigantic difference in how I perceive myself and others, and in the amount of kindness with which I can treat them as well as myself.
Doing the best I can today, and being OK w/it....hope you all are doing the same.
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Get out of my head! 
Seriously, I just had this conversation with DD last night; encouraging her to remember that her "personal best" will change from day to day. ... and that on those "less capable" days it doesn't mean SHE is "less than" or that it's ok to just give up/give in at that point. I reminded her that perfectionism is an EXTERNAL marker of success, it doesn't relate to self-worth. (Thank you Brene Brown!!!)
Seriously, I just had this conversation with DD last night; encouraging her to remember that her "personal best" will change from day to day. ... and that on those "less capable" days it doesn't mean SHE is "less than" or that it's ok to just give up/give in at that point. I reminded her that perfectionism is an EXTERNAL marker of success, it doesn't relate to self-worth. (Thank you Brene Brown!!!)
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Originally Posted by FireSprite 
on those "less capable" days it doesn't mean SHE is "less than" or that it's ok to just give up/give in at that point.
When I was running a lot, I remember reading a very useful article about setting goals when racing. The article recommended 3 goals for any race, of any distance:
1) The first-tier goal would be the best-case scenario, the most you could hope to achieve w/the training you've done. This assumes perfect conditions--ideal weather, a good night's sleep the night before, no health or stress issues in your life, just in general feeling great and having all your ducks in a row. This is the time goal you'd hope to achieve when all is lining up perfectly. "Wow, I really ran a great race today!"
2) The second-tier goal would be a less-than-ideal situation. This could include a somewhat hot, cold, rainy, windy or snowy day for the race. Maybe you're just getting over (or catching) a cold. Maybe you didn't sleep well the night before, or you're too keyed up to eat breakfast, or you're upset about something at work or in your personal life, or you have some minor ache or pain that you have to baby along. This is the time goal you'd hope to achieve if things are NOT perfect, but still not all that bad. "I had some issues, but all in all, I did a good job today."
3) Then there's the third-tier goal, the one you fall back on if things are simply not going well for you. This would be if the weather is truly terrible--blazing heat and humidity, inches of fresh snow on the ground, screaming headwinds, pouring rain. You've had to make 5 bathroom stops already b/c something isn't agreeing w/you. The injury you thought was healed has begun bothering you and you have to slow down to accommodate it. This is the time goal that will let you say "I had a bad day, but I honestly did the best I could under the circumstances."
It seems to me that this is what you're talking about, FS, and thanks for the reminder. It's all too easy for me to get caught in that black and white thinking, feeling like all I can do is either succeed or fail. NOT SO!!
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Originally Posted by honeypig
AUGUST 30
Empowering and complimenting ourselves will not make us lazy. It will nurture us and enable us to give, do, and be our best.
Empowering and complimenting ourselves will not make us lazy. It will nurture us and enable us to give, do, and be our best.
Today, I will start slow, small step. I will just concentrate on not be beating myself up so much.
At least that.
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Honeypig Thanks . This post really rings a bell with me . I tried to do good or the best I could , but I would be told it wasn't good enough . In turn I got down on myself .
This will help me work through those feelings
This will help me work through those feelings
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Originally Posted by honeypig
Yes, this part of it is important for me to remember too--it's not a black and white, zero-sum situation, where the only 2 options are perfect, total and complete perfection or screw it, I can't do it "right" anyway, so why even try...
When I was running a lot, I remember reading a very useful article about setting goals when racing. The article recommended 3 goals for any race, of any distance:
1) The first-tier goal would be the best-case scenario, the most you could hope to achieve w/the training you've done. This assumes perfect conditions--ideal weather, a good night's sleep the night before, no health or stress issues in your life, just in general feeling great and having all your ducks in a row. This is the time goal you'd hope to achieve when all is lining up perfectly. "Wow, I really ran a great race today!"
2) The second-tier goal would be a less-than-ideal situation. This could include a somewhat hot, cold, rainy, windy or snowy day for the race. Maybe you're just getting over (or catching) a cold. Maybe you didn't sleep well the night before, or you're too keyed up to eat breakfast, or you're upset about something at work or in your personal life, or you have some minor ache or pain that you have to baby along. This is the time goal you'd hope to achieve if things are NOT perfect, but still not all that bad. "I had some issues, but all in all, I did a good job today."
3) Then there's the third-tier goal, the one you fall back on if things are simply not going well for you. This would be if the weather is truly terrible--blazing heat and humidity, inches of fresh snow on the ground, screaming headwinds, pouring rain. You've had to make 5 bathroom stops already b/c something isn't agreeing w/you. The injury you thought was healed has begun bothering you and you have to slow down to accommodate it. This is the time goal that will let you say "I had a bad day, but I honestly did the best I could under the circumstances."
It seems to me that this is what you're talking about, FS, and thanks for the reminder. It's all too easy for me to get caught in that black and white thinking, feeling like all I can do is either succeed or fail. NOT SO!!
When I was running a lot, I remember reading a very useful article about setting goals when racing. The article recommended 3 goals for any race, of any distance:
1) The first-tier goal would be the best-case scenario, the most you could hope to achieve w/the training you've done. This assumes perfect conditions--ideal weather, a good night's sleep the night before, no health or stress issues in your life, just in general feeling great and having all your ducks in a row. This is the time goal you'd hope to achieve when all is lining up perfectly. "Wow, I really ran a great race today!"
2) The second-tier goal would be a less-than-ideal situation. This could include a somewhat hot, cold, rainy, windy or snowy day for the race. Maybe you're just getting over (or catching) a cold. Maybe you didn't sleep well the night before, or you're too keyed up to eat breakfast, or you're upset about something at work or in your personal life, or you have some minor ache or pain that you have to baby along. This is the time goal you'd hope to achieve if things are NOT perfect, but still not all that bad. "I had some issues, but all in all, I did a good job today."
3) Then there's the third-tier goal, the one you fall back on if things are simply not going well for you. This would be if the weather is truly terrible--blazing heat and humidity, inches of fresh snow on the ground, screaming headwinds, pouring rain. You've had to make 5 bathroom stops already b/c something isn't agreeing w/you. The injury you thought was healed has begun bothering you and you have to slow down to accommodate it. This is the time goal that will let you say "I had a bad day, but I honestly did the best I could under the circumstances."
It seems to me that this is what you're talking about, FS, and thanks for the reminder. It's all too easy for me to get caught in that black and white thinking, feeling like all I can do is either succeed or fail. NOT SO!!
Originally Posted by soulful
I don't even know what these words mean anymore. I mean, dictionary-wise, I do, but I have no idea how to empower myself and the only compliment I know how to give myself is "I look nice". If I try hard to make an effort, I just end up frustrated or annoyed because I find it a waste of time.
I also love this video - it's not recovery related but has really great points on building self-confidence starting about 2 mins in:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs
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