firebolt

I need to tape the Serenity Prayer to the inside of my sunglasses, set is as my desktop on my computer, write it on my rearview mirror in my car, and tattoo it on my forehead.

ABF is crazy. He'll start nitpicking splitting up items, and then when i defend what's mine, he'll accuse me of starting an argument and then begin criticizing me. It's so hard to listen to him like I would any normal person and try to judge what fault is mine and what is not - knowing hes a nutter - knowing he's drunk. I know it's just stuff, but I've been more than generous here, and at some point I have to say screw you, that's not yours.

He's going fishing a day early, I'll only have to deal with him an hour tonight, and a few hours Sunday. PRAISE THE LORD!

My boss, 1.5 years in recovery, still whacked out at hell - still a roller coaster ride, and just when I think it's planing out, I realize I'm on crazy train with her again. Today is the not so fun downwards spiral part of the ride.

Between the 2 right now, this morning, I'm having a hard time staying calm and rational - defending myself where I need to, asking for what I need, and generally resisting the urge to flip them both off and split to a beach in Mexico with my dog and my fishing pole.

I am trying to get back to a place of gratitude - because i have SO MUCH to be thankful for.

Monday night my world will be different in such an amazing way. After that, it's time to tackle changing my job. I know work is often same $h!t , different day, but having worked for non alcoholics and a couple alcoholics, I need to get back to the former. As much as I hate change and resist it, when I finally DO change, I change it ALL!

Man, even my dog is being dicky today. lol. It's just one of those days where it's clear that everything is against you, but you are so stretched and out of your head that you can't even tell if you are against you too.

jjj111

firebolt, I'm so excited for you! Keep your eyes on that prize--you're so close to being in an alcoholic-free home! It's hard to maintain your serenity while living in alcoholic chaos, but soon you will have the opportunity to go to bed, wake up, and live in PEACE! When I was leaving the last guy I lived with, I ended up giving up on a lot of things he owed me. He owed me thousands of dollars. I had paid his bail after he got arrested for driving without a license, and when the bail got returned to him, he kept the check! Gah! And he owed me thousands of dollars for other stuff, too. That money kept me hanging on for a long time, but eventually I just accepted that it was the price of my freedom. So yes, stand up to him when you can, but at some point maybe just let it go knowing freedom is on the other side. Do you have a plan for moving out? Do you think it might be a good idea to have police there?

firebolt

Thank you - I'll try to stay focused - and be willing to lose my @$$ if it means he goes away with it . lol

I am not worried about violence or anything like that. In fact - I think I am going to just take the day off rather than a few hours off so I can do the bulk of it when he's not there. Mainly to save awkwardness with him and my fam / friends and after last night, i'm just sick of being around him. My brother and several friends will be there to help me <3.

LexieCat

My second husband made a big production out of insisting I take "everything"--I didn't, of course, I left him enough dishes, flatware, cookware, furniture, etc., to live. Anyway, months later he called me, all pissy because I'd taken the "best" cutting board. Oh, and I think I also took the "best" salt and pepper shakers.

Remember, a lot of this is just to rope you into an argument about how unfair all of this is to him. And jjj is right, let the insignificant stuff go. You'll still get grief later for taking the "best" bathmat or whatever, but the goal right now is to get out as peacefully as possible.

FireSprite

Days like that make me feel like I'm trying to stand still in the center of the Tilt-A-Whirl!


I try my best to stay out of everyone else's path & hold my tongue for an extra moment or 2 before responding when I feel like lashing back at people. It's terribly uncomfortable & exhausting but as uncomfortable as it gets I remember that it HAS to end; everything does. And then I remind myself that never, in the history of time, has anyone died from discomfort... so I'll probably survive, lol.

firebolt

Lol FS -

Thanks for the dose of positivity guys. I need it to get through today and tomorrow without bawling publicly over my own bad decisions that landed me here. Trying to see the finish line and not add to my overwhelmed-ness with my own crazy circular brain.

This makes me feel better somehow too.

maia1234

FB,
I have not recited the Serenity Prayer once since my X and I divorced. Not once.

You don't need it if you cut contact!! Hugs my friend, and follow the path God set out for you!!

LexieCat

I dunno about that. I find the Serenity Prayer helps in ALL kinds of frustrating situations--you certainly don't have to be an alcoholic or a partner of one to run into those.

hopeful4

You are in the homerun babe!!! Hang in there!

Refiner

Baaahahaha!!! Now THAT'S funny!!

Wisconsin

fb, YOU CAN DO IT!! Just think how far you've come. Our stories are so similar...years of being unhappy, not sure about leaving, etc. Then we decide to go and BAM! Everything moves quickly and we are just so ready to be done.

Great big ((HUGS)) to you!

firebolt

(((HUGS))) to you too!

maia1234

Lexi- I associate that prayer with him. I don't want to say it anymore. Set it a million and one times. There are many more poems, prayers or sayings that I can say that will be more positive in my life. It did what it had to do to get me out of what I was in.


Now on to different things!!