biminiblue

Rio, this is a safe place. If you have issues (and who among us doesn't?) this is a safe place to get feedback. Life has some struggles, and the struggles are to show us a better way.

When I first started working on my issues, I kept a journal. It was just for me. I wrote all the things that were on my mind. It was immensely helpful - more than therapy or talking with friends. I find I have all the answers within me, if I take the time to put them down on paper (or on the computer, hello 2015) it causes me to find my truth. I get pretty tired of reading my complaints and start to find the solutions.

The other thing that really helped me was a gratitude list. Every day I listed a few things. It's powerful.

DoubleFelix

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Rio97. It really is amazing how our addictions lie to us. I've had those types of thoughts and feelings and it is so bewildering. The good news is that we can get very good at spotting the lies and not acting on them if we practice. And you can live without alcohol, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. I promise.

Are you able to see a priest or someone else to receive face-to-face support?

Rio97

I see my therapist tomorrow, but I'm not sure how much it's helping. I'm somewhat frustrated by it. He is sort of adversarial. I'm sure hes trying to challenge me, but sometimes it's good just to have a lending ear, and not feel like you're being judged. A feeling of forgiveness would do wonders.

It's not just the hangover, it's the feeling I've let everyone down, including myself. And it's also overwhelming fear I'm just not going to be able to do this, after failing so many times. It is palpable.

biminiblue

The thing about alcohol is that it has the market on fear.

The only way out of that fear is to put it down. You absolutely can do it, and I believe you will. Keep working it from every angle.

It took me about three months before that debilitating fear of the past and the future left me.

It's chemically induced.

Does your therapist know the extent of your alcohol use?

I found therapists to be not much help. My experience only. They don't know me the way I know me, and never will. My journal is what led me to health.

Rio97

I haven't been completely honest about the drinking with him. But I did start journaling, it definitely helps.

BringingBackB

Welcome back Rio, I was just thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were doing.
It might be helpful if you come clean with your therapist?
It may help you sort your head out if all cards are on the table.

You were doing SMART meetings as well weren't you? They are helping me immensely this time round

Rio97

Yea, Bringing Back, I've told him about the drinking, just not the amounts. I plan to give SMART another go, the first meeting I did was definitely helpful.

thomas11

You've mentioned a couple times that there are underlying issues that contribute to your alcohol use. I hope you can gain some ground with your therapist, or maybe try someone else. It is often said here that until you address underlying issues, the numbing effect that alcohol provides will continue. Either way, it does require effort. I wish you the very best.