Divorce and Moving Out

Old 04-19-2015, 08:20 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think your plan of building a nest egg, and a nest, is great, as long as you can stand the strain of living with him. It gives you time to get things together.

Also you could try walking in a normal way; all that prancing must be hard on the joints. I had to lol when you quoted him on you prancing around.
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Old 04-19-2015, 09:05 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by healthyagain View Post
We are exactly equal when it gets to money making. I do not expect any money from him or anything. What I expected never happened and never will. He is incapable of giving it (romance, family, warmth, reliability), and I understand now and accept it. This is why I have to move on. But my problem is that he will not let go so easily and we sure can fight. And it is toxic on so many levels. So I am wondering, to leave as women leave abusive relationships, move out while he is at work, or take time and do things slowly. And I think I'll go slowly, keep detaching, stay out of his way, and create financial security. Then when I finally file and tell him, if he goes ballistic, I'll have my little den ready. And it is not even alcoholism. That does not even matter anymore.
isn't it strange how in the end for most of us that plan to leave and do leave it isn't about the alcohol. And for some it isn't about the abuse anymore. It is imho the fact that this person we are married to or in a relationship with is just not capable of doing the things we need. I know in my marriage, I'm not happy. There is the alcohol. And there is the abuse. But even if those two went away, there is still so much selfishness, lack of warmth, lack of caring, lack of interest in anything that isn't what he wants. There are so many other things that make me unhappy even if the drinking stopped and the abuse stopped. Thank you healthy again for stating what I think so many of us feel.
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Old 04-19-2015, 10:13 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Yes, it varies by state. For example, California is considered a "no fault" state, meaning that things are either divided up by the divorcing couple themselves if they agree, or if in my case I wanted to challenge something I would have ended up having to pay him support, since my income was double his, even though he's the one who left and wanted the divorce. There were no court appearances and a paralegal filled out and filed the paper work. We walked in and he said, "one quickie divorce coming up," my xah paid the guy $400, and 6 months later I got a letter from the state saying I was divorced.

Now I live in a place where separation and court appearances are a mandatory part of the divorce process.

You can always call another attorney to get the info you need if you didn't know to ask the first one you talked to.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
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