wellington1

Hi everyone,
I've been going to my local al anon meeting for a number of months now but I just can't seem to find my voice to share. I've come to realise I'm not good in group situations involving myself personally. If it was a work meeting or if I was talking or supporting someone else I think I'd be better.
I listen, empathise....then clam up!
I wonder why? I've been told I'm pretty articulate in most situations.
The group was small and I was a lot better. If I'm asked a direct question I can happily answer it but sharing my personal thoughts is another matter. A few new people have joined us and they talk an awful lot, in fact they monopolised the meeting last night. I could see a couple of other members getting a little frustrated. I don't want to fight to speak, its good that these new people seem to be getting a lot out of it but it's made me worse!!
Any thoughts as to how I can progress??

Meassi

I sometimes find that planning ONE sentence ahead is a great idea.
Like "My name is XXX and I am feeling lonely today."

That's it. No more. Try it. See what happens
My fantasy is you just need an icebreaker. But if it stays with only one sentence, so be it. You still did something new

Hugs and thoughts
Meassi

LexieCat

Meassi has a great idea there. No rule that you have to sit there like a font of wisdom.

Here's the thing, you never know if something you say in a meeting--just something about how you're feeling or whatever--may be JUST what someone else needed to hear that night.

Sharing comes from the heart, not the head. And the more you do it, the more comfortable it becomes.

ladyscribbler

Have you ever signed up to lead a meeting? Getting involved in service work- leading meetings, etc. was a big confidence booster for me. I tend to be very reserved in social situations, especially in larger groups.

brightdaysahead

Al-Anon is a warm, welcoming support group, and the suggestions mentioned above are wonderful. Respect your comfort zone, relax and take your time. It will happen.

I had difficulty with this, too. I was uncomfortable sharing personal details of my life in a group setting with individuals unknown to me. I attended four Al-Anon meetings, but ultimately decided to do individual therapy.

Find what works best for you - whether that's Al-Anon, SR, individual therapy, or whatever else. That's what matters most.

Stung

I try to share at every meeting I go to because I feel better afterwards, but right before I know I'm going to share my heart is practically beating through my chest. It's not easy but I feel much better after the fact. I'm hoping that eventually it will get easier and more comfortable.

AnvilheadII

you could explore other meetings....if there are any available, just to expand your experience. you could also show up early and chat with folks, or stay later and go to coffee. I've never been to alanon but if like in AA they do readings at the start of the meeting, you could volunteer to be a reader.

it is not a requirement to share.....if you attended meetings for 5 years and never said a word....that is ok. even if you simply say I'm Wellington and I'd just like to listen today.......whatever you DO share is for YOU......they won't hold up cards and grade you.

wellington1

Thanks everyone!
Our group is small and its usual for everyone to speak. It's really uncomfortable when everyone else has and I've not- I feel eyes on me!!! Sometime there's only 4 of us, sometimes 8. I think my problem, I'm beginning to realise, is that I'm a great advice giver, I can give advice until the cows come home!... but talking about me is agony! I also think I struggle because it's not a conversation, the silences are deafening and bringing what I occasionally do say feels incredibly awkward