peanut44

So yesterday was the first day of my vacation and i quietly kept busy for most of the day. I held off on taking my dose because i want to get into the habit of taking it half way thru the day instead of in the morning. I'll be switching to a quarter of a pill, 0.5 mgs right after my vacation and i think it'll be easier for me if i take it mid day.

Yesterday was really cool! I did lay down around 5:00 for a nap but after i got up and had been up for awhile, i realized that i felt great! Physically good but mentally great! It was like all of those fears of what i was going to do with myself were not there! Oh how i hope they stay away. What a feeling!
I felt okay with no additional drugs, nothing to do really and i didn't feel lost. I actually had peace. I had had some cravings earlier in the day but i tried to just notice them but not take them to seriously.
Just wanted to check in. Today we went into town and signed papers at the title place for our refinance. Then we went shopping for a few hours, then had a nice lunch together. Another good day!

peanut44

Vacation is very restful and going by super fast. The only thing I'm dealing with is the mental cravings.

Today I've tried journaling, going for a walk, reading, eating healthy... It's just tough to get that habit out of my mind. I've been good to myself today. I've organized some things around the house that I've been meaning to do for quite some time.

I'm trying hard to focus on the positive.

I will be cutting back the day back from my vaca. I think I might speed things up a little. If I can handle it, I would rather get this over with sooner than later.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

peanut44

So another day off of work and again I got a lot of rest, which was one of my goals for this time off but again, I had a hell of a time with cravings. I'm still sticking with my same amount but my god, why won't the urges for more just go the hell away?

Ultimately I won the battle today but it took a long time and a lot of mental effort. I'm proud of myself for not caving in but I really hope this is a temporary thing. Sometimes I wonder if there isn't something chemically wrong with my head but the answer that makes more sense is that I've been taking pills for one thing or another for so long that's in engrained in there pretty thick.

Any ideas how I break this record? If I just keep doing what I'm doing, (walking, reading, working steps thru the book, diverting my own attention, making sure I'm rested or not hungry, keeping busy, talking about it, getting on here), will it get better over time??? Please help me with this!!

At work, I'm so busy, there's never enough time in the day to get everything done. There isn't any time to think about using. It's my days off and I knew this would be an obstacle when I took vacation.

There isn't long left in my taper. I'm just concerned about struggling like this all the time> Any advice would be appreciated.

peanut44

Just a quick bump because I need help

cleaninLI

Peanut I'm sorry you are struggling! I wish I knew the secret, but I don't. I struggle the same as you. I'm hoping that if I can focus on something that excites me...than I won't feel I need to take something. I do know that time is our friend. That the longer we go off our DOC the better we will feel. That cravings become less and less with time.

Have you heard about duel-diagnosis? How most A's have underlying mental disorders? Can't recall if you've been diagnosed with anything like anxiety maybe? If not and you think you have it....you should go to a psych doctor to check and see. There might be a disorder that is making it harder for you to recover? Personally, I think opiates cause anxiety....or at least make it worse. I've never been as anxious or had as much doom and gloom type thinking as I do since being on the pills and sub.

Sorry I'm not much help peanut. But I sure understand you and your struggle!

peanut44

I actually started a new thread with a little bit more info. But thank you for replying!!

damascus1986

i think the best thing is detox, rehab then meetings. worked well for me. But being clean has to come before anything. else. Theres a big difference between someone whos in recovery and a dry drunk. It comes from learning about the steps and applying them to life.

that is what i would suggest i've seen few do it without any of those things. just my 2 cents.