NoctambuleKMM

I came home one night a couple months ago to find my (allegedly) recovering husband incoherent and agitated. I can't be sure if it was alcohol, or perhaps pills. He tried to show me texts and calls with his therapist that night. What I also saw while he handed me his phone to prove me the texts with said therapist (and I wasn't digging that hard, I was honestly just trying to figure out what in the world he'd gotten into that night) was the next line down was a conversation with an out-of-town friend of his that was over several previous days, about how I was "in the hospital, having surgery" for a condition I do actually have, for a surgery I may, someday, have to get. But he was conversing with in very specific detail as if it was happening in the moment. I still haven't figured out if it was a psychotic episode or if he was going for sympathy of some sort. I called him on it, and he said he was "kidding." Long story short, reality can be a very fluid thing for an addict.

searching peace

Thank you NEGRITS! That is what I have always heard also. He told me a while ago that he was concerned he wasn't doing the right thing and he consulted with a priest who "told him that he absolutely should always put his children first". It doesn't matter he keeps asking advice until he finds the answer he likes. I was always taught to believe that you put your spouse first and that it helps give the children (biological, step, etc) the security they need in the home. My parents were married 58 years when my father passed away. My aunt and uncle 60 and my grandparents at least 50. His parents were divorced when he was in college. So I think I will go on thinking what I have been taught.
It doesn't matter, I know where I stand with him. Tonight he told me he loves me but doesn't like me and then began to (with great enthusiasm) list all of the negative things about me he doesn't like. He also told me he doesn't care about me at all and if I go away it wouldn't bother him for a second. He told me it would be so much better for him if I went ahead and divorced him. I can go on and on.
I think I was so focused on his lies that I didn't realize I have been the biggest liar. I have lied to myself that it isn't as bad as it truly is. And I have lied to myself by thinking if he gave me a real chance we could be happy. And the worst lie of all, that his abusiveness didn't effect my children.

Duckygirl1

My xabf would lie about the most rival things in the world!!! I really believe that if you hooked him up to a polygraph he'd pass. It was so engrained he believed it. They are sick folk indeed.

timeagain

Look up confabulation. I too have been suprised at how 'well' the A seems to function. However, history seems to rewrite itself and stories become weirder and weirder. It took a while for me to realize it was all part of a way for the A to continue the denial that everything is fine. 25 years of binging 3-4 nights a week can not end well. The lies may very well be something as a coping skill.

firebolt

Ugg - I feel your pain here. I was thinking about this the other day - and the "lies we told ourselves" thread. Of all the awful things my A has done, the biggest offenses have been committed by ABF AND MYSELF - we lie to ourselves, daily.