I'm a must be a moron
Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Gosford, NSW
Posts: 110
I'm a must be a moron
I made 91 days.
Some old mates come to visit.
Drunk about 10 beers Friday.
Saturday was about 12
Sunday was 15
Monday and today about 8
They didn't encourage me to drink and I've been sober around them before. Monday and Today I drunk alone.
I also took up smoking again Sunday.
I didn't do or say anything stupid when i was out drinking. If anything I was surprised that I wasn't drunk after 2 beers having been sober for 3 months.
Many words come to mind - genius isn't one of them.
I might have to swallow my pride and try to consider AA.
It is sad but whilst I'm disappointed in myself I'm not really angry or pissed off at my drinking. I think after drinking beer excessively for 20 years its more a lifestyle than a problem.
it's absolutely pathetic but I'm laying in bed writing this on my phone planning in my mind on getting up and having one last beer and smoke.
Ha. I must be addicted to the stupids on top of beer and smokes
Some old mates come to visit.
Drunk about 10 beers Friday.
Saturday was about 12
Sunday was 15
Monday and today about 8
They didn't encourage me to drink and I've been sober around them before. Monday and Today I drunk alone.
I also took up smoking again Sunday.
I didn't do or say anything stupid when i was out drinking. If anything I was surprised that I wasn't drunk after 2 beers having been sober for 3 months.
Many words come to mind - genius isn't one of them.
I might have to swallow my pride and try to consider AA.
It is sad but whilst I'm disappointed in myself I'm not really angry or pissed off at my drinking. I think after drinking beer excessively for 20 years its more a lifestyle than a problem.
it's absolutely pathetic but I'm laying in bed writing this on my phone planning in my mind on getting up and having one last beer and smoke.
Ha. I must be addicted to the stupids on top of beer and smokes
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
"I didn't do...anything stupid when I was out drinking." oxymoron
So at 90 days sober you realized that experimenting with drinking gave positive results - that you can't drink normally. Learn from this and move on. Next time you'll know better.
Lesson learnt?
So at 90 days sober you realized that experimenting with drinking gave positive results - that you can't drink normally. Learn from this and move on. Next time you'll know better.
Lesson learnt?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
If you look back Chances you'll see this wasn't a surprise.
You'd been struggling for a while.
Being around your mates who were drinking and smoking..you struggling...no real defences in place...it's virtually assured what would happen. It's not because you're a moron - it's because you underestimated the task. I did too, many times.
you can learn from this. The basic lesson is - you could do a lot more to stay sober...if thats what you decide you want?
I think what I said to you last thread still applies
I found my old life remninded me a lot about drinking cos thats what my old life was about.
I had to do some thinking about changing my routines, changing some of my social activities and friends and finding support for those moments when the cravings were bad.
D
You'd been struggling for a while.
Being around your mates who were drinking and smoking..you struggling...no real defences in place...it's virtually assured what would happen. It's not because you're a moron - it's because you underestimated the task. I did too, many times.
you can learn from this. The basic lesson is - you could do a lot more to stay sober...if thats what you decide you want?
I think what I said to you last thread still applies
I found my old life remninded me a lot about drinking cos thats what my old life was about.
I had to do some thinking about changing my routines, changing some of my social activities and friends and finding support for those moments when the cravings were bad.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
You are not a moron.
Never, ever think that.
Get thinking positive.
You can do this if you want to do it.
Its just needs a bit more, maybe something different to what you are doing now.
Also don't settle for I didn't do anything or say anything stupid.
Thats your AV trying to justify to you that its okay you had a drink.
Get angry with your AV and let it know that drinking is not okay with you.
I wish you the best xx
Never, ever think that.
Get thinking positive.
You can do this if you want to do it.
Its just needs a bit more, maybe something different to what you are doing now.
Also don't settle for I didn't do anything or say anything stupid.
Thats your AV trying to justify to you that its okay you had a drink.
Get angry with your AV and let it know that drinking is not okay with you.
I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
You're not a moron, you found your way here right? Then created an account correct? 91 days is something to be quite proud of. You succumbed to peer pressure and that's pretty common. Dust off, mount that horse again and ride it as long as you can.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Chances, and James, you are not morons. You have to look back and figure out what was working with your sobriety, and what wasn't. Build on what was working add to it.
We are on the same journey but we each have to find our own path. Try to learn the signs of relapse, my counselor always says that relapse starts in the mind long before you commit the deed.
Best of luck. Just don't give up.
We are on the same journey but we each have to find our own path. Try to learn the signs of relapse, my counselor always says that relapse starts in the mind long before you commit the deed.
Best of luck. Just don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 19
You're coherent, so you're not a moron, and obviously not horribly drunk, either. That's not to say you didn't do something stupid-everyone does, every day. Don't get hung up on the notion that you're an idiot because you did something stupid, and feel guilty. That's probably my own greatest crime against myself, and one of the reasons I haven't truly sought help until today, and I'm thirty five, with a relationship to alcohol of 23 years.
I'm not an idiot, but I make very stupid decisions, and all too frequently. I know my depression and anxiety (a major cause of bad decision making for me) stemming from things I endured as a child and compounded by things I couldn't cope with later in life, partially due to my drinking, are the primary cause of my choice to drink. It hasn't led to dependence in my day to day, but it's a crutch I tend to lean on when things get unbearable for me.
In addition to what ScrewdUpInDe said, you need to figure out what was working, and more importantly, you need to develop a deep understanding of why. Nosce te ipsum. Know yourself, which can be a difficult thing to accept. I'm only just getting to know the why myself, so it's a long journey without help. A good therapist could help, but I don't have insurance or the means.
Also, there are a lot of programs out there, and many of them receive grants from both private and public sources if you don't have the means. I recently found one, the first one I ever looked for. They are a "12 step" style program, but not AA. They also use Cognitive Behavior Therapy and other methods, including group sessions. It's not a quality therapist, but it's going to have to do.
Don't just shrug and say, maybe I should do this. It's not pride keeping you from seeking help, so that's one less thing you'll have to swallow.
I'm not an idiot, but I make very stupid decisions, and all too frequently. I know my depression and anxiety (a major cause of bad decision making for me) stemming from things I endured as a child and compounded by things I couldn't cope with later in life, partially due to my drinking, are the primary cause of my choice to drink. It hasn't led to dependence in my day to day, but it's a crutch I tend to lean on when things get unbearable for me.
In addition to what ScrewdUpInDe said, you need to figure out what was working, and more importantly, you need to develop a deep understanding of why. Nosce te ipsum. Know yourself, which can be a difficult thing to accept. I'm only just getting to know the why myself, so it's a long journey without help. A good therapist could help, but I don't have insurance or the means.
Also, there are a lot of programs out there, and many of them receive grants from both private and public sources if you don't have the means. I recently found one, the first one I ever looked for. They are a "12 step" style program, but not AA. They also use Cognitive Behavior Therapy and other methods, including group sessions. It's not a quality therapist, but it's going to have to do.
Don't just shrug and say, maybe I should do this. It's not pride keeping you from seeking help, so that's one less thing you'll have to swallow.
Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Gosford, NSW
Posts: 110
Now that I think about it drinking on the weekend was a good thing. Any thoughts that I'd be able to drink responsibly are quashed. The hard to swallow acceptance that I'm an alcoholic is further digested. The idea that I could beat this thing alone or my best efforts could prevail were ended.
To my astonishment I went to an AA meeting on Wednesday night. Then a different one on Thursday night. A massive accomplishment for a conservative atheist. Whilst like all diverse groups there are people there I'll never bond with their were also others I could really respect and befriend. Just listening to all their stories of their struggles brings realization that my problem, triggers, reasons, thinking, fears, beliefs, etc etc is nothing new. AA, on top of being a training resource to beat addiction is many other things. It's a powerful social networking group, a support group, a way to maintain long term focus. You could say a pub without beer for non drinkers! You won't like everyone who attends but you'll meet some great people and make some great non drinking buddies.
The 2 different meetings had different social dynamics - the first one being more people I could relate to and befriend the second being a more different group. Different suburbs so I suppose different classes or attitudes. Regardless of the social difference just listening and watching all these people talk was an eye opening. Many like myself are atheist and as one put - your notion of a god can be karma or a belief in self empowerment through the groups support. Some who talk cry as they talk, others who have been attending a year or 2 offer more advice and make fun of themselves and past drinking exploits.
So no more day ones - it's only today and tomorrow I'll worry about.
To my astonishment I went to an AA meeting on Wednesday night. Then a different one on Thursday night. A massive accomplishment for a conservative atheist. Whilst like all diverse groups there are people there I'll never bond with their were also others I could really respect and befriend. Just listening to all their stories of their struggles brings realization that my problem, triggers, reasons, thinking, fears, beliefs, etc etc is nothing new. AA, on top of being a training resource to beat addiction is many other things. It's a powerful social networking group, a support group, a way to maintain long term focus. You could say a pub without beer for non drinkers! You won't like everyone who attends but you'll meet some great people and make some great non drinking buddies.
The 2 different meetings had different social dynamics - the first one being more people I could relate to and befriend the second being a more different group. Different suburbs so I suppose different classes or attitudes. Regardless of the social difference just listening and watching all these people talk was an eye opening. Many like myself are atheist and as one put - your notion of a god can be karma or a belief in self empowerment through the groups support. Some who talk cry as they talk, others who have been attending a year or 2 offer more advice and make fun of themselves and past drinking exploits.
So no more day ones - it's only today and tomorrow I'll worry about.
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